Will I ever stop having intrusive thoughts about being gay?

@GoAwayOCD1060 Also now I’m not sure if I’m anxious or sad about being in a relationship with a man cause now my brain is like well you’re just depressed and all of this because you’re not being your “true self”

@GoAwayOCD1060 Have you experienced trouble in moments of intimacy like intrusive thoughts? Also did it affect your sex drive at all because I feel like that is just a big trigger for me not being attracted in the moment maybe because I’m too stressed and thinking about it too hard but it’s just so difficult sometimes my mind will try to convince me and I’ll believe things but then when I calm down I think it’s just ocd

@Anonymous Yes it happens during intimacy sometimes. It’s the worst!!

@Anonymous - Yes, it damaged my sex drive to the max, couldn't perform with my wife for weeks! It does come back though, as you do ERP and start to stress less and less, depression subsides eventually for periods and you get it back. It feels hopeless in the moment but there IS hope!

@GoAwayOCD1060 Thank you I appreciate the words, this affects me a lot I have always been attracted to girls and never questioned it it just came naturally for all my life then when I really started to spiral about 3 months ago I just question and analyze everything including if I think girls are sexually attractive or if I am attracted to my girlfriend during intimacy it’s causes a lot of stress but I think ERP can help me. Do you recommend taking medication as well? Also what’s your relationship with ocd and weed because I am a smoker right now and sometimes it makes things worse, would you recommend stop smoking?

@Anonymous Check my last post, join one of the zoom chats today!

@Anonymous And yes smoking for me has helped but also made things way worse, can discuss on the zoom today, at 3pm or 6pm est!

@GoAwayOCD1060 Sounds good I’m interested, how do I check your posts for zoom? Where do I go?

@Anonymous - Zev P. is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting. Topic: OCD Meeting Time: May 31, 2023 03:00 PM US/Eastern Join Zoom Meeting https://us04web.zoom.us/j/77029001348?pwd=PBaM11Nuak1yJdIsAnicqxj2jKVoUU.1 Meeting ID: 770 2900 1348 Passcode: 3e3Rih

@GoAwayOCD1060 You have one at 6:00 pm right? I’ll join that one a little busy right now thanks

@Anonymous Yes

@GoAwayOCD1060 Yeah but my brain now says it’s fear of judgement or ppl leaving me or something so idk. It may be both but to be honest I’m not quite sure.

@Going to fight OCD - you gotta ask yourself, will people really abandon you if you were gay? Most cases these days (not saying always peoples circumstances are always different) but ppl are more open these days. For me, I have a wife and kids so more complicated but my fear and anxiety comes as much from being with a guy as it is hurting or letting my wife and kids down. If at one point in time that you can remember not having feelings for the same sex let alone the anxiety its causing now, it's OCD to the max but i'm not here to give you 100% reassurance cause that will not help or last so you gotta leave room for MAYBE you're gay but today you choose your BF.

happens to us all. I had SOCD (didn't know it was that till 25+ years later) when I was 12/13...it kinda went away when I told myself these mantra's "im not gay" over and over not knowing those were compulsions...not sure how but when I got married and had kids, it came back with a vengence! I came out to my wife (thinking that I would feel peace and finally be "out" but it switched to POCD and Harm OCD and didn't really give me the peace I was seeking. Through ERP for 6-8 months, I got to a place where I was happy again with SSRI and ERP/therapy for 1.5 years and only got back to heavy symptoms when I got cocky and got off the SSRI, starting smoking weed and stopped therapy. Moral of the story is OCD is OCD is OCD. I never had SOCD when I was literally managing a flamboyantly gay artist for 4+ years pre-marriage but when I got married and had kids, BAM it came back, the endless questioning, checking, googling, porn addiiction etc; just to "prove" I was straight. I still do it but doing ERP now consistently and not giving up, after isolating for weeks i'm back to activities bit by bit and saying FUCK YOU to the SOCD and POCD.

@GoAwayOCD1060 Yeah FUCK OCD lol!! Thanks for sharing your story. For me, it seems very real because now that more and more ppl are coming out, it feels real. For example, it’s more common for femme lesbians now vs back in the day it was more so the butch lesbian. I was best friends with one for years but never thought I was lesbian bc I didn’t fit that. And in the past I’ve seen girls who are girly and in a relationship and my brain goes “I want that” so I’m not quite sure. I’ve looked at them in the past and almost felt “left out” I can’t even explain it but it feels weird.