The hardest part for me is that OCD can exist and I can fight it but also my partner could still be cheating, regardless of OCD or not. By far the hardest part of OCD because what’s the point of fighting it if it can still all be true? Is there another way to think make peace of it? Like maybe… ‘if my partner is cheating on me, I will be okay.’
For me, this is where doing ERP consistently led to some freedom. Most of what I fear could be true, even if it’s completely irrational, it could be. This is where the “fear of some uncertainty” part of OCD comes in. ERP helped teach me to better be able to embrace uncertainty. Sometimes, when I’m trying to embrace uncertainty, I use the following statement, “I’m feeling anxious because ——, I can’t be 100% certain that’s not true now or won’t be in the future, I accept that uncertainty and am willing to live with it happily.” I then try to sit with the uncomfortable feelings produced without giving into compulsions. Overtime it got easier, and I started to get some relief from the suffering caused by OCD I was feeling! I hope this helps in some small way!
I understand, I’m right there with you. Sometimes I tell myself, that even if the ‘worst’ (whatever that is for each of us) happens then I will still be okay. You can thank your OCD mind saying ‘thanks for warning me of all the danger out there, but I’m going to choose to live with those possibilities, because if they happen I will still be okay’.
Sometimes if it’s really hard, you can limit the time. For instance you can say “I’m choosing to live with the possibility today” or set any time limit. Then you can trick your mind to move on for a bit and reevaluate later. The urgency of OCD is a tell tale sign.
@lollypop48 Yes, I’ve tried to practice the technique of actually inviting the intrusive thought to the party and just letting it speak its peace before moving on. That helps. And, you’re right that we’re not going to die even if the worst does happen. I will try and keep that in mind too. Thanks for your response.
Thank you so much! I’m okay at doing this when I’m not at my worst but it can be so hard when I’m in the trenches! You’re advice is spot on.
@lollypop48 Of course, feel free to comment back with questions!
I, too, suffer from cheating ROCD. I’m am in the early stages of self-diagnosis and am about to begin some counseling. It is completely out of control for me right now and all I think about are her behaviors and comments that I “tie together” as proof that she’s seeing someone else. I have heard that the rumination around OCD is trying to get answers to that question of “is she cheating?” and the ability to allow the uncertainty to exist is critical in the therapy process. But I find that extremely difficult at this juncture. I’ve used the answer “maybe she is, maybe she isn’t” to trick my mind out of the OCD cycle but it’s always short lived as my triggers are plentiful. It helps a bit being able to share this with others, so, thanks for listening.
So i play in a band, and we were having practice, and my girlfriend was there listening to us, then this girl around our age walks in, and my head tells me to cheat on my girlfriend with her. I know i would never do such a thing. And it bothered me for days. And i ended up telling my girlfriend, and tried to explain my ocd. It hurt her and she believes that the instrusive thoughts, are my thoughts so in that, i must feel something behind them. And she feels hurt because i explained to her the obsessive part of ocd and how this thought wouldnt leave my head. And she got upset knowing that i was constantly thinking about cheating on her. I cant help but feel its all my fault. And now that she doesnt understand i feel really guilty for my thoughts and they are coming more often and worse. When i was fine for months, but my ocd always acts up right as i get in relationships, then i usually tell my spouse and tell them i cant feel guilt for my thoughts or they will get worse. And they usually just accepted it and it was easy. But with her it seems she just cant seem to understand, ive tried to explain it to her countless times, she isnt willing to do research with me to help better understand it or anything. Maybe for my first ocd issue telling her that wasnt the best idea.
I know he’s not cheating on me. He’d never do that and, as hard as I try to tell myself “he’s proven already that he’s not” and show myself all the signs of commitment and dedication, I still have that fear. It’s eating at me and ruining my relationship. How do you guys get over this? If my brain were true he’d have been cheating on me for months in ways that aren’t even possible. It doesn’t make sense if I think about it logically but it seems like when I do, I create in my head more ways for it to be logically true. What is your advice? How can I stop self sabotaging?
I'm 18, and been in a relationship with my man for nearly 2 years. I started living with him around 2 months ago, and all I do is think about if he's cheating. We were long distance for a year and a half of our relationship, maybe seeing eachother once every month or two. I decided to move in with him, and ever since all I can think about is if he's cheating or watching porn. When he's in another room I think he's doing something wrong, I have to check on him every ten minutes to ease my anxiety. I didn't have this problem before moving in. Granted he has talked to some girls on his phone, even having his ex on his phone (didn't do anything bad) and he is porn addicted though he is getting better for me. It's gotten so bad I want to leave him. A couple days ago I broke up with him and it absolutely broke my heart, I couldn't bare it so I gave him a month to show me he can do better, and for me to work on myself. If I'm still unhappy with us I'm going to leave. I love this boy more than anything. I'm scared to be without him, this is my first real relationship. At this point I refuse to even sleep until he is sleeping. I don't want to start over, I don't want to leave him, but I really can't take this pain it's causing me. It's all I think about. I've convinced myself so many times that he's cheating, but I know he wouldn't. I question whether it's anxiety or intuition. Maybe I just know deep down he really is cheating and I just don't want to believe it. I don't know. I don't think he would do that, but at the same time he's really into women. I hate that he looks at other girls in a sexual way, it bothers me so much, and we talk about it often, but with it being an addiction it's difficult. He has gotten a lot better since we have talked about it. He understands I have an issue and is usually happy to talk about it over and over and promise me over and over that he's not cheating. He allows me to have his phone whenever I want and everything, I have no reason to think he's cheating, but I can't get over it. It's not fair to him either. How do I deal with this? How do I stop hurting so much?
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