is it true

lately i’ve been feeling like my obsessions are real and i’m just in denial because of one thing i did in the past, i’ve spent hours upon hours reading articles and forums to find an answer as to why i did that in the past and what it says about me. I could just say “yeah this obsession is real” but i would never act on it or do something related anyway, i get nauseous just thinking about it, but again in the past i didn’t realize the magnitude of the situation so i just went on with my life happily without paying much attention to it until i developed ocd, i remembered that past situation and it was impossible for me to refute my ocd obsessions with that event in mind. I constantly question if what i read of other people having done the same thing (and it it not an indicator of who they are) also applies to my experience or if i’m just denying the evident.

LaloCD6

Date posted: 2y

If that can make you feel better, I don’t know exactly what you did but 3 years ago I thought I was bi and tried s*x with a woman and didn’t like it and my ocd used to use this as an evidence that I’m must be gay or really bi, the fact is it’s okay to be curious I was 17 and didn’t like it now that my ocd is getting quiet because of all the things I did I realise that it doesn’t mean anything even if would’ve like it (which is not the case) it’s the same thing ! You can try something, like it but never want to do it again ! My therapist said to me as an exemple "you can have tried we*d bc you were curious and even like it once but that doesn’t make you a junkie for it and that doesn’t mean you will try again !" I don’t know what you did but the fact is whatever it was even if it was like me something that could mean something it is up to you to decide what it means ! It can even mean nothing :) You are the only one who have the power and sometimes we do things or we thought things randomly and that’s okay we don’t care ! You re strong and I’ll je happy to talk if you need !

aesvantes

Date posted: 2y

@LolaG yeah it has to do with sexual orientation :( the truth is even if i did that, as i said i went on with my life, only wanting to be involved with guys and never even though about having anything in real life with a woman. It’s related to p*rnograpgy and i don’t even remember what i did with the exact details but i was maybe 12-14 years old. I had forgotten about it but when i developed ocd it brought it up and now i can’t stop thinking about if that means i’m a whole different person to whom i considered i was. I know what i want and what i feel but ocd makes it hard to live how i want to because it always keeps telling me i have to solve something

Acrasia

Date posted: 2y

Memories from the past is the greatest thing my ocd holds against me, and it’s hard to get over it cause it’s smth I’ve experienced.

mayprescott

Date posted: 2y

Yeah, things from the past take on new meaning to me. As if it means more now than it did then.

amelia:3

Date posted: 25w

how to deal with real event + false memory??

im going to be vague here, but basically i did something in the past that i regret and it became a huge point of my OCD but i have talked to my therapist and i have mostly moved past it. i watched a video by an OCD youtuber that really put it into perspective. anyway, i have been with minimal worry for a few days, but now im having worries related to i think false memory? basically it’s like “oh but what if i said/ did this and just forgot that means i harmed this person im a bad person”. to me it sounds like textbook OCD but im just wondering if anyone else has experienced false memory / real event at the same time. i have a really horrible memory which is making it even more stressful. any responses are appreciated!

anonymous00001

Date posted: 19w

Looking for “proof” that it’s not OCD

Hey all, I’ve been having some ebbs and flows in recovery, but for the most part I’ve really had a lot of improvements in quality of life since starting treatment in 2023. Something that really trips me up is ruminating on my past and looking for “evidence” or “proof” that the things that I’m obsessed with are real and not OCD. I spend quite a lot of time doing this. I wasn’t fully aware I was doing it until recently. Example: that I’m secretly gay and lying to everyone (I’m bi), that I’m a horrible person deep down, that I’ve never actually loved any person including my family, that I have the “wrong” political or religious beliefs. I look for proof in every corner of my past. It makes some sense that I think this way because with my previous therapist, who I saw for 8 years and did not diagnose me with OCD, we would look for evidence and proof that my obsessions are irrational and I learned to deal with them that way. At the time it was a lot of health concern and contamination themes, but I literally learned to ruminate and search for relief. But I just kept getting sicker and sicker until I got diagnosed with OCD. It’s a frustrating compulsion that keeps showing up for me. What if these scary things are true? What if it’s not OCD at all and I’m in denial? Have I lied my way into thinking I have OCD? It’s so hard. Anyway, I’m curious if anyone else has come across this in recovery? Let me know your thoughts and I hope you’re well. ❤️

Starve_The M...

Date posted: 18w

How do I know if it's is ocd

How do I know if my obsession really is ocd or If im lying to myself about a past intention

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is it true

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