Third trimester, OCD ramping up

Well, I’m 38 weeks pregnant, about to give birth. I felt great until my third trimester hit. I thought this time was going to be different. With my first baby, I didn’t know what was happening to me postpartum. I had such intense anxiety and ocd symptoms. My husband had no idea how to help me. I eventually did some therapy, but not enough. I was breastfeeding at the time, and I absolutely refused to even try to give a bottle for a while for fear of contamination or making the baby sick somehow. Because of this, pretty much all responsibility fell on my shoulders, along with lack of sleep and thus created the perfect storm. I likely needed medication, but the thought of taking something that would harm the baby terrified me. I didn’t leave my house for months. In short, I started to feel a bit better as the baby grew older, but I still have my moments. Fast forward to right now and my symptoms seem to be coming back again. I’m terrified. I don’t think my marriage will survive this again. I don’t know if I will either. I am not suicidal currently. In fact, I desperately want to live and be better for my family. However, there were times last year after my first baby when I felt my family could do this without me. I know this is untrue, but I did feel it. I’m having trouble making decisions right now. I get the feeling that I would be better off formula feeding the baby from the start so I could get on any medication I needed and be present for my babies and family….. but then I worry that by not breastfeeding, I’m also harming them…. Can anyone help, or share some insight? Currently awake at 3:47 am …… just in my thoughts.

Ro__

Date posted: 2y

Hello! I’m currently 6 months postpartum and my ocd has been absoloutly terrible convincing me that something is constantly wrong with my son and it’s taken a huge toll on me, my relationship and my bond with my baby. It’s been devastating but I’ve been doing better since really tackling the ocd head on with erp and mediation. I also breastfeed and refuse to use medication in fear of how it could effect him, I wish from the jump I had formula fed because it’s so much more important to be present and mentally in a good place then it is to nurse. It is a hard call, I love breastfeeding but if I could go back I would have prioritized my mental health over everything. It breaks my heart that his first year is almost halfway threw and I didn’t get the most of it. Do whatever you can to be in a good place with yourself, your baby needs it as much as you do. It’s such a hard journey but I’m wishing you the best of luck!

kkd

Date posted: 2y

@Ro__ Thank you! And thank you for sharing. I feel silly being so torn with breastfeeding and formula… my ocd makes it feel like a life or death situation

Ro__

Date posted: 2y

@kkd I completely understand, now that I’ve been nursing for so long I feel like it would be very hard to stop but I do sometimes wish I just would have formula fed because of the medication fear and also it just is a lot to breastfeed. It puts a larger toll on the mother and makes your hormones all crazy lol, just worth weighing the pros and cons especially while your still pregnant!

kkd

Date posted: 2y

@Ro__ Absolutely! With my last baby I BF all the way to 11 months and didn’t get treatment and I felt like it was killing me. It was hard to be present. Now I have to be present for a newborn and a toddler…

Ro__

Date posted: 2y

@kkd Yeah this is my first and I was in that boat too but you got out of it once you can do it again! I’m sure having two is a whole other experience and you don’t want to put too much on your plate especially when you know your prone to ocd tendencies. Maybe seek out therapy and other tools to help you postpartum so your really set up well once the baby is here, having a baby is hard mentally for anyone it’s a whole other level if you have ocd.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 2y

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kkd

Date posted: 2y

@VvVlVvV Yes, he struggled terribly last time to understand. It seems very strange to him. I try to explain but I’m just so tired…

kkd

Date posted: 2y

@VvVlVvV He has gone before, but he’s still kinda like “isn’t this common sense stuff” I don’t think it’s easy for him to realize how hard ocd can be. He just doesn’t get it

Bradinrichard2

Date posted: 22w

Pocd

I’ve always had ocd. But never experienced pocd until after I got pregnant and was fixing to deliver. Anyone else? I’ve been struggling with this for almost 2 years 😩 and Prozac gives me heart palpitations I’m at my breaking point. Idk who I am anymore. And it’s so hard having to be a mother of two on top of not wanting to do anything bc my brain tells me everything I’m doing is inappropriate ☹️

Holl1

Date posted: 18w

OCD

So I’ve just found out I’m pregnant and I’m freaking out rn I’ve been getting thoughts like “I’ll be a bad mum” and overthinking everything & my OCD is convincing me that I’ll act on my thoughts because of my hormones and stuff. I’ve also got a fear of being sick & I’m stressing over that too. Anyone else who has harm OCD pregnant or a Mum can give me some advice pls😭

Harm OCD

Aprilshowers...

Date posted: 18w

My OCD

Please if someone can reply! I really just need someone to talk to. I don’t even know how to control my OCD. It honestly feels like it’s controlling me. Everyday my mind focuses on every bodily sensation I have and it’s like a broken record player, I have horrible health anxiety and my OCD just makes it worst just thinking about it everyday. It feels like everyone who I explain it to looks at me like I’m stupid/crazy. I use to be much more tame with my OCD, I use to eat things without worry, now I can’t even touch things I use to eat without worrying that I’ll get an allergic reaction (despite eating them BEFORE,,,but my mind tells me otherwise) and omg worrying about heart attacks, pulmonary issues..and I couldn’t even enjoy my own child’s birth because my mind was on high alert thinking I would hemorrhage any second or develop pre-E (complications of postpartum) I was miserable for the first couple of months of my baby’s life and I didn’t know what to do. And now, I’m pregnant with my second (4wks) and all the OCD thoughts and anxiety is coming back at me and I have no one to talk to, I feel lonely. And even if I considered taking a pill, I’d worry about being allergic to it and refusing to take it. I ruin everything for everyone. I remember I ate out one night and I started to think “you’re gonna pass out! You’re gonna pass out! (Without ever passing out before) and I had to leave! I feel like I ruin the mood for everyone when I don’t even try to, and I hate it.

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Third trimester, OCD ramping up

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