ROCD

@Dj-is-trying Oh my god this is awful I know exactly how you feel. The thoughts I have make me feel like the worst girlfriend in the world and makes you feel like you don’t deserve them. I want nothing more than to just live a happy life with him forever but so hard not to believe my thoughts. But remember OCD always attacks the things you love the most- and if you can’t imagine a life without that person, it is so worth it putting in the work. I truly believe that. And you are definitely not alone I’ve struggled with this practically our whole relationship and have thought every single thought that you probably have- EVERY single scenario trust me

@Anonymous We’ve been together since 2017. Where going on almost six years together in November. ROCD didn’t attack until last summer, out of nowhere just crazy amounts of doubts and thoughts and they became unbearable. I thought we would have to break up. It caused such a horrible depression which drove me to seek treatment. I started medication and did erp with a therapist for a few months and then it got so much better. It’s coming up on a year since my diagnosis and all of a sudden it’s hitting me again. Constantly picking at every little thing. We have a healthy relationship. Literally the only issue litwrallt ever is something’s he’s to tired and doesn’t wanna go out and do things when I do. And then my brain goes AHHHHHH COMPATIBILITY issues. It’s insane. He’s lirweallt mt bestfriend we never fight. We live together have a house and a dog together and j can’t handle the thought of losing them. My ocd as me constantly worrying I will. I’ve started doing erp again. It’s just hard. Especially when the anxiety and urgency is in your chest and has you ready to cry. I feel like my brain broke last summer.

@Dj-is-trying Ah of course. Even without OCD relationships are NOT easy they aren’t for anyone even the couples you perceive as ‘perfect’. The relationships that make it are the ones who put in the work on both sides. I’ve been with my boyfriend four years and have had obsessive thoughts since the very beginning- he is quite understanding of it but I do still seek reassurance from him a lot which isn’t good.. it’s amaizng that you could seek help! And if you can do that once and get better you can for sure do it again. OCD will alwayssss have ebs and flows. Yes you can recover but it’s about how you deal with a relapse is what tests you. Think about what you did when you first recovered and focus on the things you did that really helped you sit with the thoughts. 6 years is a long time and you’re probably just nit picking because you think that him not coming out with you means that you shouldn’t be together! Girl if you’re together six years that is a huge achievement for the both of you and you have to breathe and remember it’s OK if you both don’t want to do the same things sometimes. At the end of the day you’re both individual people and although you’re in a relationship you should remember to enjoy your individuality and your own time too and when you are together and do go out, you really enjoy it. I definitely relate with the urgency feeling but what is the rush? Start thinking about all the good moments you have with this person and the boxes he DOES tick. I know this is so hard but you can do this

@Anonymous Thank you so much for talking to me it helps SO MUCH to talk to someone who understands ROCD. My friends who don’t understand will literally just tell us to break up and I’m like I would rather die of depression that Laos him (even though that’s probably not healthy, he’s my freaking world. )That’s what I’ve been doing. OCD is attacking all of the tiny little things that aren’t huge deals because it’s striving for perfection. It’s like this relationship is almost to good to be true because I grew up in a toxic household and my first relationship was toxic. But with him it’s like im waiting for the other shoe to drop. This is the most healthy relationship I’ve had. He does everything for me and treats me so good and we have a good friendship and partnership in the relationship. As I’m typing this I’m like ong why so I freak out over the small things. My ocd turns them into huge disasters and then I start catastrophic thinking about how I would survive if we broke up and what I’d be able to afford and if I’d ever be able to love again etc etc etc. and then by the time I realize I’m ruminating it’s to late. But I am currently doing an erp script and working through it. Writing out my worst fears like they’ll happen. I let myself peak in distress and I CRIEEEEDDD. Now I just feel like crap but I’m just gonna have to do erp everyday again.

@Dj-is-trying Omg no problem I’m the same I actually don’t speak to anyone about my OCD because no one would understand and my friends would say the same because they don’t have it so I actually wouldn’t even recommend speaking to someone who doesn’t get it because they might trigger you etc like it’s better to speak to people who get it or a therapist etc. I’m the same haha I grew up in a really toxic household too I’ve never had a stable relationship with my parents been to family therapy etc so I am constantly trying to self sabotage because it feels like I don’t deserve love or a healthy relationship because of my past. And god damnnnnn am I a perfectionist holy god I think that’s why I get so many nit picky thoughts because growing up my parents would be so so hard on me so I start to expect that from the people around me and end up damaging myself and then even more. So I put too much pressure on how my boyfriend should look, compare him to other guys or his friends, the way he acts when we’re at parties, what people think he looks like etc like the WORST thoughts and then I think about him as a person and get emotional because he deserves the world and does sooooo much for me. But that’s why I fight because I love him to death as do you your partner and love is stronger than anything. Always here for a chat anyway! (I constantly scroll on this app at the moment as I can’t afford therapy right now so lol)

@Anonymous Same same same. I ran up my therapy bill here so until I get it back down I won’t be able to see a therapist (boooo) I’m always here to chat as well. I am so sorry you’re going through ROCD but I’m also happy to know I’m not alone and there’s people like you who understand! I would do anything for my boyfriend, I wanna marry and have kids with him. Just wish ROCD would leave me tf alone. I’m super nit Picky and he doesn’t deserve it.

@Dj-is-trying Girl this is literally my life rn. Out of nowhere I got an ROCD spike and didn’t even know what ROCD was until I did research on relationship anxiety. I found this app from a random tiktok ad and I think it saved me, like seeing other people feeling and posting exactly what I’m feeling. Everything you just said is my situation to a T. It’s hard, so hard. I’m with you babe, we WILL both find peace :-) 🫶🏻

@Olivia2121 It’s super hard. So extremely hard. OCD wants 100% certainty which is impossible. But we will get through it!

@Dj-is-trying Yes we will. What ERP exercises have you been doing? If you don’t mind my asking, I’m curious to also start some

@Olivia2121 I haven’t done them in awhile which is why I think I’m having such a bad relapse. But I usually listen to any break up songs that are a trigger, what videos of break ups, script out things I don’t want to happen, etc. I’ll do each of those things over and over and over until it doesn’t bother me anymore.

@JazzCrab I’m the same way. My ocd turns it into this huge thing where it MUST MEAN SOMETHING and it’s like omg.

@Dj-is-trying Yep, it sucks.

@Dj-is-trying My abusive ex did a lot of a damage about what is normal and healthy in relationships, and shamed me, called my thoughts disgusting, etc, when I had all of this first pop up. That’s been hard to unlearn with my current partner.

@JazzCrab Yeah that’s so true.. I think when I start to attach I spiral and have thoughts about that guy saying he feels we have a connection or something and I’ll have sexual intrusive thoughts about them then and the thoughts will just keep going until the I completely disassociate from what everyone’s talking about

@Anonymous I do the exact same thing. It’s annoying. As hard as it is, you just have to not give the thoughts any more attention than acknowledging them and then moving on with your day. It just takes practice. I’m still working through this daily.

@Anonymous If there is a specific guy you’re stuck on having obsessive thoughts, looking at a photo of them to trigger the anxiety, and then sitting with the feeling until it subsides without doing any compulsions is a good ERP exercise.

@JazzCrab Oh really ok I might try that thank you so much xx

@Anonymous You’re welcome!

@JazzCrab I to had an abusive ex. My first boyfriend ever cheated on me several times, he even got my friend pregnant. So before my current relationship of almost six years all I knew was toxic relationships and had no real healthy examples.