Date posted: 2y

Do you go back to yourself once you treat ocd?

I was 25. My brain broke. Had a thought “you feel nothing for your gf”. Then had another “you are gay”. Enter 10 years of largely not really treating as OCD. I’m currently treating it with ERP, but it’s early days. Since the exact second that brain breaking thought hit, it was like I lost the ability to feel anything. Went from normal to completely numb in a heart beat. It’s never fully returned, no drive for life, no positive emotions, almost as if I lost the ability to feel anything except anxiety and fear. Can I put this down to OCD? As in, if I treat ocd and get to a point where I can live along side it, will my emotions come back? It makes it incredibly difficult to know what your values or even who you are when you don’t feel anything. You kind of don’t have a guide? Anyone?

Sunrise22

Date posted: 2y

I am not a mental health professional, but I am guessing as you treat the OCD you’ll start having a significant change in how you feel. If this is the case, remember it’ll likely be small changes over time as the OCD symptoms abate. Our brains can numb us our as a form of coping with high anxiety, so it’s possible that that’s what has happened with you over time. Another possibility is that you actually have an obsessions surrounding having (or not having) what you consider normal emotions, and what our brain seeks it will find. Either way, I think you’re likely to see a big difference in how you feel as you treat the OCD. Don’t constantly check for the change, don’t obsess about it. Just allow any changes that will happen to happen on their own.

Date posted: 2y

@Sunrise22 My psych isn’t particularly good at saying what she thinks it is/isn’t, but I get the sense that’s part of the treatment, not to reassure. I.e. to not make me certain. I think what has happened is after the first thought, which was all about ‘feeling something’ or lack there of, I must have focussed the obsession on what I was/wasn’t feeling. So your point about checking feelings, assuming I should be feeling one way or another really does resonate with me. It’s so upsetting. Not to have felt any drive for life, attraction, excitement to anything, finding nothing joyful. Instead, just anxiety, fear and making my world only about my fear. So very very hard!

Sunrise22

Date posted: 2y

@gp I totally validate how you’re feeling. I bet that IS super frustrating. I will say when I’ve had periods of higher anxiety or depression, I can feel more numb. I bet you’re right about your therapist not wanting to reassure you. Plus, there is really no way to know for sure what will happen with your feelings in the future until you actually get there. The question then becomes, “how can I live the best possible life now, even while I’m struggling with this?”.

Sunrise22

Date posted: 2y

Also, just wanted to note that if there is anxiety and fear, that means you still hold things you value (that you’re feeling fear and anxiety about) in high regard, which means you have some level of excitement, passion, and happiness associated with them. I know OCD isn’t logical and logic doesn’t allow for certainty, but I hope that gives you some motivation regarding working toward your goal to recover from OCD

Date posted: 2y

@Sunrise22 Thank you :) you make complete sense, which is ironic given how ocd does the opposite haha. I appreciate your comments and replies mate

Sunrise22

Date posted: 2y

@gp My pleasure!

mental Warrior

Date posted: 23w

Who even is the person I was before OCD?!

The things that used to make me happy? The things that used to make me sad? I don't know how to connect with those anymore. I used to be happy just looking at the sunset and nature, I loved being present in the moment but now being present in the moment is scary because now I'm faced with my thoughts and new potential ones so I'd rather distract myself. I love kballads and I used to listen to them and just cry and be happy because they sound so beautiful but now I can't embrace these things that feel like beauty because I feel like the exact opposite. The only things I can enjoy are K-drama's! But I can't watch things with kids in it. So yah that's tricky! And the things that make me sad?! Well I used to be sad and terrified about loosing my loved ones but now it's a different kind of sad. I used to be sad because of miss them and all that but now I'm scared of facing now messed up my emotions have become. I'm scared of loosing someone I love and then not being able to feel sad because I'm just numb, or even worse...if it becomes something I'm okay with or what if OCD convinces me that I'm happy about it because honestly it would be weird moving around the world with such emotions. So not only has OCD made it hard for me to enjoy the good things but also hard for me to feel sad about the sad things or just to put it short...to experience emotions normally.

What is happ...

Date posted: 20w

Does anyone relate? I feel exhausted

I think I may have SO-OCD and OCD in general. At a young age fear of death. I use to tap my heart 8 times (lucky number) for each person I loved. Then I think I suffered with ROCD and HOCD when I was 18 after 2 bad relationships who they ran off with a ‘close’ friend at the time. I’ve struggled with OCD and these HOCD/ SO-OCD about 12 years ago but the HOCD went and the ROCD came back and forth. I did previously last year have a Fear of death of my children with alligators going on holiday after reading a bad article in Florida which lasted few months. Briefly Started with ‘R-OCD’ again but went pretty quickly. Am I good enough for my partner? Is she going to leave me? What if she finds someone else? Though I saw a picture of a good looking male on a social media which my Brian instantly questioned if I was gay, panic and anxiety which lead to which I think is SO-OCD and HOCD. An obsession is an unwanted and unpleasant thought, image or urge that repeatedly enters my mind, causing feelings of anxiety, disgust or unease. A compulsion is a repetitive behaviour or mental act that you feel you need to do to temporarily relieve the unpleasant feelings brought on by the obsessive thought. I’m stuck in obsessive doubt around my sexual identity, even though I say that deep down i know what my sexual identity is but even this is being questioned at the minute and I want to cry. I have always, always been interested in women. That much I would say I had a sex addiction. My attraction to the opposite sex has pretty much disappeared. I have a fleeting thought of attraction which will set off a cascade of doubt and terror which some thoughts/ feelings make me physically sick. I’m scared of going out in public or even looking at people especially men for the fear of false attraction. I try to do ERP when I do have moments but it makes me want to be sick. My brain feels like it’s in a clamp and I can’t stop the constant thoughts. It feels like something is my head has stopped or not working correctly. Even at night. Every time I wake my chest seems to feel strange and the thoughts are suddenly there. I’ve tried ERP but it makes me want to be sick even when it subsides. I am still continuing this but I feel so drained. I just want to be myself again who I was 3 months ago. I hate that this has happened and I feel that I can’t cope, can’t be the husband I want to be, can’t be the father I want and was. These are my main issues at the moment; false attraction to pretty much any male even voices, decrease attraction in opposite gender, severe anxiety, I can’t sleep or eat, constant thoughts 24/7 and scenarios, groinal responses, seavere recriminatory thinking, I hate myself, I even have false attraction to myself in the mirror. What is wrong with me? I just want to be the husband and father I was a few months ago!

geodrimilis

Date posted: 19w

How did your so-ocd feel when it started?

For me it was a weird intrusive thought and after that I slowly started developing anxiety and I felt a weird thing like I was losing my attraction to girls. Then I woke up one day in complete panic cuz it felt like I had lost feelings for girls suddenly and I started searching online how to know if you’re gay if sexuality changes suddenly and I took some gay tests or sexuality tests online. Chat gpt was a big thing back then too. That was before therapy and before I knew what ocd is.Can anyone relate?

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