Can ocd trick you to the point where you can’t see reality? I’ve always seen myself as a pretty aware person but lately with my false memory I don’t know what’s real or false…I have real details, real objects, which feels like real evidence piled against me, I don’t even know who I am anymore. I suppose I’m just confused.
There are times when it feels like the false memory is actually real for me. Like I unequivocally believe it happened and the reassurance no longer works.
@Catlove9 I’m sorry:( we’ve spoke before. I’m so sorry your still in this awful false memory mess.
@LillyX It’s okay! I was actually having a hard time of it yesterday. Where I’m just convinced it happened. And I’ll tell a friend all the evidence and they’ll say “that’s not evidence. That’s you connecting things on your own.” For a split second I feel better and then I doubt it again. And then I say “well this is no use because no matter what, it happened and you can’t get around it.” And then I freak out.
@Catlove9 I feel you I’m in a similar situation everyone I’ve told has looked at me really confused like ‘ that never happened’ or tells me I’m being irrational so why can’t I see it!! It’s so infuriating.
@LillyX Exactly! And then if I have a moment of clarity I think “yah but if it really did happen, how can you live with yourself?”
Your never going to know for certain - that’s the only certainty you will get. I have things in my childhood of a sexual nature that I feel terrible about, I think does it make me a deviant a monster. Then I think - did it happen, did it happen the way I remember. I remember talking about a memory that my brother was in - and he said he can’t remember it so I doubt everything - but we do have a doubting disorder. The past event, whatever it is, it doesn’t matter if it happened or not. The fact it gives you the feelings of distress it does shows that your not the thing you think the perceived past event make you. Bad people don’t worry about being bad people, that’s why they are bad people
@jonathan123147 But if it really did happen, how can I live with myself?
@Catlove9 Hate to say it but this won’t help you, trying to figure it out won’t help you. You sound a lot like me very deep in the confusion of false memory ocd at this stage we have shot ourself in the foot and jumbled our memories so much. We just have to trust our morals and move on. I know it’s hard but I’m here with you doing it:)
@LillyX (Trying to do it) lol I know it’s realllyyyy not easy at all.
@LillyX I know. I need to stop the compulsions. It just feels so reckless and scary but I know it’s the only way 😭
I’m having issues with false memory as well. That’s likely been exasperated by my marijuana use. It’s really difficult because it uses some element of truth. For example i recently remembered a time when I pantsed my sibling, because I was a dumb kid and that’s what dumb kids think is funny. For what’s it’s worth I immediately felt guilty afterwards. My brain decided to take this actually memory and run with it and give me a bunch of intrusive images involving those who were involved because that’s how this form of anxiety works. It makes mountains out of mole hills and warps your reality. As counter intuitive as it sounds the best thing to do is to not play detective, accept that it may or may not have happened do your best to stay grounded in the present.
@Lassoinmybrainpls That is super helpful. Thank you.
@Lassoinmybrainpls I feel you:( it’s similar to me in a way. Mine started out as an intrusive thought/ image and I started to ruminate / add details and play detective as you say! I freaked myself out a little as I got some details correct and started to get confused with reality and imagination it’s terrible!!! I understand why they say don’t play detective it really does leave you in so much confusion.
@LillyX It’s always difficult when it involves the past. Throughout my childhood I definitely dealt with all of the taboo intrusive thoughts that always leave you so paralyzed. In my experience those were easier to deal with and I never brought them up in therapy sessions. But when it takes elements of truth and makes things personal it almost creates a whole different animal. Makes you re-think every single little thing you’ve ever said or done, ironically the more you think about it the worst it gets. Like that dragon where you cut off one head and two more grow back. Cutting off heads obviously isn’t going to work so the strategy has to get switched up.
Is it regarding past events?
@jonathan123147 Yes
I don’t have false memory but I feel the same. I’ve completely lost myself due to the doubt I feel when I’m ruminating. It’s like I’m never going to see the truth :(
I struggle with false memory OCD, it can be really tough to figure out what’s real and whats your mind playing tricks on you, I’ve found if I allow the thoughts to exist without reacting to them (easier said than done I know) it helps. It causes severe anxiety at first but then it dissipates. Sorry you’re going through this right now!
@margeee I do try this but then I start freaking out because if it’s true, I would hate myself.
@Catlove9 I have the same problem, I’m still working through how to get past that part myself :(
@margeee I get stuck there. I don’t know how to get out. Bc then I think “erp won’t work because it probably really did happen and there’s no way around it.”
Ive had POCD for nearly 2 years now. I've seen loads of therapists and gotten better from it. I went a while without feeling horrible, but then in an instant it comes back and then its fully back for ages. I watch OCD videos online a lot because they get recommended to me by youtube. When I see them talking about OCD, if its not related to exactly what Im worrying about or they mention something that doesnt happen for me I start to doubt if I have OCD at all. I also see people who are so obsessed over purely stuff inside their heads. That does happen to a point for me, but when I hear other people talking about it I start thinking that their situation is so much worse and theyre clearly mentally unwell and do have OCD. Its almost like the fact mine isnt worse makes me doubt I have it. My brother and mum have OCD and my dad is very anxious, so I knew from a young age what OCD was. When I started experiencing it myself I immediately on day 1 of worrying thought "is this OCD". There was no moment for me where I didnt consider the fact it was OCD. I know most people have a moment where they find out about OCD, but I didnt have that. I am the one who initially thought to myself that I have OCD, and because of this I think to myself: "what if i latched onto the idea of OCD and have somehow fooled myself and everyone around me including my therapists into believing I have OCD". At the time I was terrified so of course Id want to latch onto OCD to find a reason. So much doubting all the time I just feel my case is different to everyone elses. I know that they say everyone feels like that. Sorry I started by talking about the title of this post but I sorta went on a tangent at the end. Thanks to anyone who read. Good luck with your own OCD
Currently obsessing over me being the only “real” or conscious person in the world, and that everyone I love isn’t actually real. I know deep down that this is ocd, but I feel like by not ruminating I’m just ignoring the fear (which feels so real and scary). Has anyone experienced anything similar and how did you get out of this worry? Trying not to seek reassurance as it’s one of my compulsions, but I’m very distressed.
My ocd makes me question everything. I don’t get it. what makes it want to attach to certain things? I don’t obsess over wether or not I like blue because it’s true I do like blue but other things like that, things that should be so simple for me to know is true ocd tries to take and make me second guess it. Even if I know for a logical fact that this thing is true or isn’t true. OCD will work so hard to try and convince me I’m wrongand even though I know I’m not wrong it eventually works and ends up convincing me I’m wrong and I spiral. Is this just part of the pattern how do I learn not to argue with my ocd cause that’s the problem. I try to test my ocd and argue with it but for every answer I have it has an answer to combat mine until it has me convinced I’m wrong about what I 100% know I’m not wrong about. It never stops even with things I thought I settled it like it has unlimited ways to prove to me that I’m wrong. It’s insane it makes me feel crazy. Sometimes I don’t even realize im performing a compulsion or I’m arguing with my ocd or testing it until it’s too late. It’s sneaky like that. Is this just a normal part of the cycle of OCD?
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