Unsure what to do.

Here we go again. That’s all it feels like. Just one big circle. I was doing much better but it seems like it’s this endless rollercoaster. There was a time in my life where OCD didn’t exist. I used to be care free and (still have plenty of issues trying to resolve with therapy don’t get me wrong) but it wasn’t like this. I have met this person who is truly the love of my life. The support, love, and giving kind of relationship we have is unlike anything I’ve ever known or even thought truly existed… and I’m ruining it. Not only does this man congratulate my small wins with me with my contamination OCD but also tries to understand as much as he can just so he can support and be there for me better. Somehow, someway I have now developed another form or encountered a for of ROCD. I’m acknowledging another form of something I do desperately need to conquer snd remove from my life. I feel so defeated and depressed to the point I really don’t see the point anymore. I have a great man who deserves none of this headache to begin with.. this is my battle not his and yet he has taken on thsi and willingly no less. I have always been confident. There should be no reason for insecurities in myself or us. But they are here, right now. Could it be a normal fix? Can it be something worked on.. if so, what does the ERP look like? I want to get better for me… but for him and my family as well. I’m tired of being this way, this person who has so many issues that never end, never stop. I try really hard to control my emotions and thoughts and it’s exhausting. I’m just tired and done with my own self and I either need advice and hope or I just don’t know what I’ll be able to handle anymore

Username: VGHVGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm sorry you're struggling with this, I know how difficult OCD can be. There is hope, there is treatment, you don't have to feel this way. I strongly encourage you to reach out to NOCD for therapy. It was life changing for me. If that is not an option for you dive into NOCD's YouTube videos on relationship OCD or ROCD. There is a ton of info on there. You will discover the very things you are doing to relieve the distress you feel, are, in fact, the things that keep the OCD cycle going. Life you said, OCD is one big circle or loop. You have a thought that brings great distress, you do a behavior (sometimes the behavior is just thinking about your thought) you may get some relief, but as soon as another doubt pops in your mind you must repeat the cycle. This is the OCD Loop we get stuck in. The way out of the cycle is ERP, exposure response prevention. When you have a distressing thought about your relationship, what happens? Do you direct attention to the thought? Do you try to figure it out, solve the problem, prevent the problem from happening in the future? These are all compulsions. These behaviors keep the cycle going. The Response Prevention part of ERP would be to allow the thoughts to be there. You're not going to be able to "get rid of them" you can't unthink them. Allow them, label them as OCD, don't try to disprove them. Take them with you as you do things you value. You value your relationship, allow the thoughts to be there while you engage in time with your boyfriend. Every time the thoughts pop in your mind "nope, not going there" redirect back to what's in front of you. It will be difficult, you will want to make it stop, figure it out etc. But if you pay attention to those thoughts you actually reinforce them and make them stronger. This may help https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/relationship-ocd?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=NOCD_PM_US&gclid=Cj0KCQjwtamlBhD3ARIsAARoaExZzxlYuqvykIAG7-u6Rv3-n3wGTrfKQNz6gINYjWkuToBXobt2UVMaAmsxEALw_wcB

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@VGH Thank you! Pushing into discomfort is not new to me but in regards to a highly emotional relationship it’s almost impossible to not want to leave the relationship (even though I don’t want to) because of these thoughts

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Anon!!!!!!!! OCD IS A TRICKY,CLEVER MONSTER. I’ve had OCD for 35 years. Mine morphed into various forms too. I met an amazing man who started as my friend then boyfriend and now husband for 23 years. He knew about my struggle the first week we met and just like your boyfriend…… he was and is an amazing pillar of strength and support. I promise you that you will feel good again. You can get to the point where OCD is just a little static in the background and /or it can be gone for long periods. I can go almost a year without it then have a flare. The flares last only days to a few weeks. I use medication, exercise, spirit, the brain lock method and will be starting ERPT to help limit my flares. I promise, girl. You can do it too

Username: VGHVGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

What it looks like for me is acting “as if”. I label the thoughts/fears as OCD and I act “as if” I didn’t have the thoughts/fears. Of course, this doesn’t feel good and the thoughts and feelings hang around (for a bit). I know this sounds difficult, but here is the secret, if you truly don’t do compulsions, don’t do behaviors that relieve your distress, you actually do get clarity, you do feel better, back to how you used to be. When I notice I’m stuck, the cycle is repeating, I honestly ask myself, am I compulsing-am I trying to solve a problem, figure something out? Am I sad, afraid and spending time trying to figure that out? If I’m doing those things, I say to myself “if I didn’t have OCD, what would I be doing right now, in this moment?” It wouldn’t be trying to solve a problem or trying to remember how it used to be, it would be let me enjoy this moment. My therapist explained to me doing comes before feeling. Don’t wait to feel good, to be sure, before you do something. Doing comes first, feelings will follow. Hang in there, it takes practice BUT it is worth the hard work, you will get your life back. I got mine back after 35+ years of untreated OCD. You will not only be like you were before, I think I am better. The skills you use to fight OCD will help with being engaged in your life in a much more authentic way. No one has a perfect life, there are always bumps in the road, but ERP skills allow you to handle all life throws at you. My life now, is much more fulfilling on the other side of OCD. Think of it this way, if you didn’t have OCD, would your life be perfect? There are always things that come up. Things you can’t control or be certain about. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your life to the fullest. Take care and keep pushing forward. I was where you are, and my life is so much better now❤️

Username: VGHVGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m so glad it was helpful ❤️. Hang in there, this is hard work, but you can and will recover!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Thanks for the reply! I guess it’s comforting that it morphed and fluctuates for other people as well. I just hate that I’ve lived most of my life not like this and trying to potentially accept the fact that this could be forever is an instant gut wrenching feeling that I don’t think I can accept. I can’t keep doing these same loops this is not who I was and it’s a very frustrating feeling to say the least. I know it can get better but the initial thoughts and urges to fix is the issue, that’s the exhausting part. Always having to be mindful and “on” to tackle this… it’s not okay.. How can I push in to discomfort when doubting the man I’m with. What does that look like for you? He is always observant for his own safety noticing everyone for legitimate and valid safety concerns but god forbid there’s a woman that I think he would like or think is attractive. This is when my loop begins and I want to end our relationship bc it’s not fair to him and I get EXTREMELY overwhelmed and can’t bear the thoughts

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I would like to say thank you so much for this! Gave me a lot of hope and direction which had been a struggle since having OCD spike in the past few months. I like this “as if” a lot and i will remind myself to review this every-time I have an occurrence. Thank you for taking the time and doing this for me!💗

Username: PinkLotus

Date posted: 2y ago

When my soocd and rocd first hit hard, it really shattered my world and the kind of stability I had in life before the constant fear of losing the one I love. When I got my first job, I buried myself in the idea that I was too busy to deal with it anymore, it helped that I started school and got a pet hedgehog as well. But some nights it hits me that this hasn’t gone away at all, I don’t spend night after night or day after day stuck in the same thoughts anymore but I feel so cold inside like I’m not worth anything and like I don’t deserve the love and attraction I think I once felt for my sweet boyfriend. I feel like the fact that I can’t “feel” those feelings for him anymore that I’ve spent so long chasing means I don’t deserve him, I feel like even though the great anxiety has stopped I’m still trying to chase down that love feeling and how it “should” feel instead of just feeling it for what it is. I’m still terrified that if I let go of my walls that I’ll realize I don’t love him and lose him. It’s hurting me bad and making me resort to bad coping mechanisms. I’m starting to seek out validation again and craving that rush of infatuation when in reality the only one I want is my boyfriend. For almost a year and a half I obsessed about sexual attraction, it’s really affected my intimate life. I have self-esteem issues about my body, my “skills”, fear of not liking it enough and false expectations just all cause me to not feel much in my body and it makes me horribly sad. My boyfriend says I need to accept the possibility that the things I fear could be true and that I could be with someone else but it’s so hard because I really don’t want that but the longer I fight it the further away I feel from him. I didn’t think ocd could be this complex and cause such havoc on my life. I kind of miss when I felt extreme anxiety every day and had the same thoughts over and over because at least then it was easier to know it was my mind games at work. Now it just feels like I’m sabotaging myself daily by chasing the feelings of love I want. I don’t want to ruin this otherwise healthy relationship, my boyfriend is my best friend and I still want that. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like a lot of people just have the obsessiveness and I’m here trying to deal with the side effects of the after math and it makes me feel so alone

Username: Alex0729

Date posted: 1y ago

Help! ROCD

Me and my Fiancé get married in 3 months. We have been together for almost 3yrs now. I started dealing with OCD and different subtypes around Mid 2022 without knowing it was OCD. (Im not officially diagnosed btw) Because I didn't know it was OCD for a long time all i did was confess and confess to my Fiancé, mainly things about my past some from my distant past and some from my more recent past. Eventually my OCD switched themes and all of sudden now i was having intrusive thoughts. Present intrusive thoughts that's when I learned about ROCD and I immediately felt identified. Anyways i was barely learning about compulsions and how to resist them so i was still not doing good regarding my confessions and i began to now confess my intrusive thoughts. Afterwards as OCD usually does i started obsessing over the most trivial things in my past, i started dealing with Real Event/False Memory OCD I confessed about that too. All the way to present time. I have gotten better at resisting my main compulsion which is confessing, yet i still fail from time to time. What has happened now is that my Fiancé is getting affected. She is the most patient, supportive & kind woman i have ever met. She is literally an angel from heaven and has been by my side through my/our darkest times. However lately she hasn't been feeling well. Due to our economical situation we've decided to move back to my hometown after the wedding. This is difficult for her of course because she has to leave behind. Family, Friends, her job and basically what has been her whole life till now. The thing is that she tell's me that all of that would be easier if she knew she was giving it up for something that's gonna last and she feels like my constant confessing and my intrusive thoughts is just me secretly telling her that I'm not sure about being with her. Keep in mind, she knows about my ROCD, I've explained it, we've read articles together, watched videos about it together. Even then she tells me to try to look at things from her side and how its not easy for her to deal with this change in her life and feel like she has to keep us together as well. I've also felt like OCD has changed who i am. I used to be confident, positive, spontaneous, detailed and romantic. Now all my energy seems to be focused on just getting through the day with my thoughts. So I understand that she hasn't been feeling swooned lately. Specially after so much time of me being the amazing boyfriend. I guess what im trying to figure out is how to deal with all of this. How do i deal with my ROCD and support my Fiancé at the same time. How can I reassure her i love her and that I don't have any doubts about being with her depsite what i feel or think. I don't mind my OCD hurting me or torturing me. But not her, i just want her to be happy. If anyone is going through something similar or has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Life is so hard.

Username: Isabella G.

Date posted: 1y ago

I really need someone to talk to…

I am scared. I love my fiancé. I love everything about him with my heart and soul. I just feel so empty. I have ROCD if you haven’t noticed lol. I keep going in cycles and phases where I feel ok with my past trauma regarding my ex partner, and feeling like maybe the trauma is still there. If you’re asking now at this point if there’s any feelings involved- no. I don’t feel romantic feelings of the sort. But, I am so scared. I am scared to see this person in public, so I don’t go out. I am scared to think about this person because what if I am thinking about them because I want them? It’s triggering, and I always make sure to not ruminate. But, as I meditate and I do ERP, I find myself feeling more lost and more susceptible to the pain of it. The trauma does not pain me anymore, it’s the thought that I might never be able to give my fiancé the life he wants. So, now I have to contemplate giving up a future that I have thought about. Waiting to make the engagement public to my family, for absolutely nothing. I love this person, they have been pure and honest and open. I am young, still. What if I am just with the wrong person, and this isn’t the person for me? It’s all a facade and delusion the COUNTLESS times I have redirected my thoughts to just tell them “You’re wrong, I love this man.” As I sit here, on the verge of crying, I wonder…. Is it even OCD, or am I just a bad person for concealing the thoughts and not giving it direct attention? Most importantly, is the man I love the one for me? Or is it truly all a joke?

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