Boyfriend

thank you so much for sharing this. you have no idea how much it means to know that someone else is going through this too.

This happened to me this morning and then I spent time apologizing to him and telling him I loved him.

I can just say from experience, I understand. I have horrible intrusive thoughts all the time about ex’s/people from my past… they are draining and confusing and scary. The reason they scare you so much and make you so upset is because you’re a good loyal partner, you love your partner. That’s why ocd does this, it knows your morals and values and that you have found the love of your life, so it tries to rewin that… for about a year I spent almost every day “confessing” to my partner about all my intrusive thoughts, and there was a day he woke up and couldn’t handle it anymore as much as he loved me and knew I had ocd, he could not handle hearing the intrusions, and we broke up. That month of us broken up was one of the most painful, it didn’t make the ocd go away by telling him all the intrusions, it actually made everything worse… I got to the point of realising that I can’t put that on him, when they are literally lies ocd tells you, it is so seperate from you or what you want. You just need to remind yourself that when you want to “confess” an intrusive thought, that he will always have the same reaction of “it’s okay babe I know you don’t mean it, I know you have ocd” etc, just reassuring you, but in reality that’s fuelling the ocd and tearing your relationship apart. Please take it from me, You do not need to tell your partner things that OCD is telling you, because that’s not who you are…. At the end of the day it gets on top of them, they don’t have ocd so they can’t understand it the same way as we do, they have intrusive thoughts too, it’s just they would understand what they are and be able to ignore UNWANTED thoughts, where as our mind gets stuck on them, because we are fearful. If a thought was really true you wouldn’t worry about it or second guess it. Just try and out yourself in their shoes, as much as you want to be there for your partner and would always support them, imagine if they were confessing these UNTRUE thoughts to you 24/7, it would eventually get on top of you… Please please listen, it took me till we broke up to realise the impact it had on him, and I’m telling you right now their reaction will always be the same, they aren’t going to suddenly stop loving you, because you’re having intrusive thoughts… if they aren’t wanted thoughts they aren’t your own. OCD is very convincing and it lies and makes you doubt everything. Don’t give importance to them. I wish I could take my own advice sometimes because believe me I struggle and get caught up in the ocd all the time, but these are just things you HAVE TO remind yourself…. Clearly if you have a partner who you love, then any thought about your ex isn’t what you think now… I can tell you aswell. My ocd is to do with relationship, sexual etc… But I’ll tell you something. Even when my partner left me and we were broken up, I was single and could do what I want, but did I? No… I just wanted my boyfriend home. I didn’t want to act on any of those thoughts and didn’t want any of those thoughts even without him being with me. So that kind of was the proof in the pudding, that I know I am totally in love with my partner and wouldn’t ever do anything Disloyal even if we weren’t together… so I already knew how much I loved him, but that just proved to me even more how these thoughts are literally nothing to do with me and my morals and values, it’s OCD.

Sorry that’s really long. I just copied and pasted what I wrote on another similar post, because I truly do understand and feel like this comment may be helpful.

yes, all of the time.

Probably most of the time I don’t want to tell him and avoid talking about it because I know it’s going to be a difficult/painful conversation and make things off for the rest of the day (not to mention I know a lot of the things I share make him feel really bad) but sometimes I do feel the need to tell him. For me it’s not really one or the other.

Yes