my birthday is ruined

me and my bf were making a cake for my birthday today and while i was pouring the batter we got into an argument about how much to pour. i said it didnt effing matter and i just wanted to make myself a stupid cake. he proceeded to pour one pan of batter into the other to even it out, in doing so getting batter on the rim and outside of the pans. i told him i didnt want the cake anymore and its ruined so theres no point in making it (because we argued and now the cake is tainted.) ive been laying in bed since it happened and he keeps trying to get me to make it or talk to him but i just dont care. i have a pit in my stomach, i know i should just get over it but i slept most of the day bc i had a feeling something would happen. my feelings are hurt. idk what to do.

RachelMc18

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Happy Belated Birthday (: I’m sorry this happened. I know what it’s like to feel like OCD is ruining celebrations. I would even put pressure on myself to not get OCD before celebrations (which would backfire). I also have had OCD with the idea that something is infected, tainted, or just made wrong somehow. I know ERP exposures could help with this. Baking the cake anyway, eating it anyway. Even if you’re worried things are bad because you don’t feel your best. Even if you worry the cake isn’t right or will cause harm. Doing so will help you realize OCD thoughts are just there to scare you. They are full of it. At the end of the day, we must accept that not everything will go perfectly and that is okay. I would definitely bring this up to your therapist and exposures can be planned around it.

McDucko

Date posted: 1y ago

Is it the perfectionism aspect of it? It's ruined because it overflowed?

raccoondoll

Date posted: 1y ago

@McDucko its ruined bc we argued about how much to pour. i poured what i thought was a good amount and he questioned it, so i felt stupid and got triggered. him messing with the pans and us arguing about made me not want to cook it anymore bc whats the point if im still upset? its not going to fix anything or make me feel better.

Mreow

Date posted: 1y ago

I would try to accept feeling icky and maybe do some ERP with non engagement responses re what ocd is saying about your birthday being tainted (and remember, thoughts are just thoughts) and try to go back out and re approach cake making. Part of ERP isn’t becesaary liking the discomfort but trying our best to proceed forward with our day regardless. I know it’s hard. Just start with small steps like sitting up. Then taking some deep breaths. Put your hand on your heart and acknowledge this was a rough moment. And try to stand up. Then pause again to do the same if needed. And go back out. The hardest part is just those first moments of Re approaching that celebratory space. Accept what happened, but say hey I’m here again, and I’m going to make the intentional choice to take control of my birthday out of OCDs hands.

Mreow

Date posted: 1y ago

Btw Contamination ocd and perfectionism/just right sound like the issue, not the actually batter/pouring. And you maybe feel down bc you feel shame around the argument. It happened. It’s in the past and u don’t have control of that. But u have control over how u choose to spend the rest of your night in spite of OCD

King silly

Date posted: 25w ago

Can’t do this.

I started feeling better, more calm and relaxed but then I remembered that I’m literally heartbroken and single and I went back to feeling like shit again, all the anxiety came storming back. Why does it have to be this way, I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 8w ago

i feel bad for posting (includes 18+) pls read

my bf knows abt my googling and talking with chat bgt but does not know about this app, he is at my house and now im alone bc he is at the bathroom and he told me to not google and things but im confused idk what i feel i want to feel good and happy, i was good amd happy today, but now i have a lot of thoughts, my libido is low and i found it hard to kiss and do sexual things. Im scared i will br like this forever amd that i will never want to have sex (i am a virgin) , i will be 18 soon and i hate that i am like this. Im so scared i will never want to do this. i want to, but i always feel strange and my thoughts attack me making me feel so bad. i hate myself for posting here bc it is a compulsion and i feel like a liar, he loves me so much :(

malolin_21

Date posted: 8w ago

Hey:) I just want to vent

I’m feeling kind of sad cause today was not a really good day in terms of my ocd. I was feeling kind of foggy/numb and that send me to spiraling. I’m 21 years old currently studying but my family has been having trouble with money for the last couple years(we’re just me and my mom) and I kinda want to get a job but everything is far from my home and I wouldn’t be able to return back at night, also it’s either way more expensive to move or the schedule wouldn’t let me take my classes. The point is that because of that every time my mom is stress tends to treat me bad, she speaks to me like I’m stupid or she just screams to nothing cursing all life and everything and that actually makes me feel soo bad and guilty for not doing anything, I know it’s hard for me to get a job that actually helps us without quitting school but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’m a burden. I want to help, I want to maybe hug her or something but I know she will be angrier and probably will reject it. So that’s it, I just feel like she punishes me for the stress she’s carrying and I get it but one day is happy and it feels like all love and the next is treating me like that, Idk it’s hard (also I feel like I shouldn’t be saying this cause it’s all my fault) 🫤

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my birthday is ruined

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