Username: sillygoose1012

Date posted: 1y ago

does anyone else experience this?

This is so hard to explain so bear with me. After having violent intrusive thoughts and urges for a long time, sometimes when I'm really anxious I won't get obsessed with a particular thought/urge but moreso all of them combined. It feels like I need to release the urge and just do something. My mind RACES and it's like "do this, do that, so something to release this pent up anxiety" And I get so scared I need to like lock myself in a room or I feel like I need to be in a hospital where I'm restrained to prevent myself from doing one of these things. It's like the disorder has advanced so far that it's not 1 thought at a time anymore, it's like all of them and then some during an episode. Again it's so hard to articulate.

Harm OCD

Username: KayleeeeKayleeee

Date posted: 1y ago

You explain how I’m feeling right now so so well. Just know we got this!

Username: sillygoose1012sillygoose1012

Date posted: 1y ago

@kitkatlover Yes we do!! It's so scary while it's happening. It's indescribable. Like any second I'm gonna snap and do something horrible just because I need to "get it out" - what usually helps you during episodes like this?

Username: KayleeeeKayleeee

Date posted: 1y ago

@sillygoose1012 I’m still trying to figure it out honestly. Some things that do help me is writing down my thoughts or reading to distract my mind. Also I try to remind myself that I’m in control of my actions not my thoughts

Username: sillygoose1012sillygoose1012

Date posted: 1y ago

@kitkatlover For sure, one of the hardest parts for me is that the sensations and urges and pent up energy is all physical so I can distract my mind but my body still can't relax and it feels like I need to act on something to release the anxiety and energy :/ most of my panic attacks happen at night before bed too so it's not like I can just get up and go on a run or something

Username: KayleeeeKayleeee

Date posted: 1y ago

@sillygoose1012 Omg I literally feel the panic attacks at night and pretty much all of that. What scares me is that it literally feels so so real when it comes to the urges. I’m starting to even doubt that I don’t want the thoughts.

Username: sillygoose1012sillygoose1012

Date posted: 1y ago

@kitkatlover Yep!!!! I have that doubt too. It's so tiring dealing with this. Also because they happen at night mostly, I dread sunset and when the sun goes down because I know my mental health gets worse so I get anxious about being anxious

Username: Smiley35Smiley35

Date posted: 1y ago

Kindia had this yesterday. I have had a recurring thought and urge to light my hair on fire since 2019 and yesterday I felt this when my mom had a candle lit and then she put the gas stove on. Then while I was cutting olives for dinner I thought of stabbing my family. OCD is really horrible but just know that you are not a freak and you're not alone in this. You don't need to be locked up in a mental hospital. You got this and I got this and we are going to be okay!

Username: bkelp213bkelp213

Date posted: 1y ago

I get that too, though I only have it where it’s a singular urge at the moment - I feel like I just have to sit/lay down and almost “shut down” mentally out of fear I’ll act on the urge. The sense of urgency is just overwhelming and terrifying.

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 1y ago

You’ve explained perfectly what I go through. It’s terrifying because you feel, as you said, that you just need to do something.

Username: sillygoose1012sillygoose1012

Date posted: 1y ago

@Catlove9 It makes me feel better knowing I'm not alone 🫶🏼 what do you usually do in moments like this?

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 1y ago

@sillygoose1012 I panic! Which is not good. I know we are supposed to sit with it and just let it happen but it’s so hard to do that when it feels like you’re about to do something awful.

Username: sillygoose1012sillygoose1012

Date posted: 1y ago

@Catlove9 I feel like the more I sit with it, the more I'm gonna do it!!

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 1y ago

@sillygoose1012 Me too. That’s why I always feel like I’m doing something wrong.

Username: blackitty27blackitty27

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm goign through the exact same thing, the urge is what scares me the most, and those physical sensations are overwhelming. My urges are so bad that they end up in full blown panic attack and feeling of losing control, I have to do something immediately in order to like prevent myself form acting out. I even got to the point of recording myself while having an episode to later on have proof of every movement I made and make sure I didn't do anything bad!!

Username: sillygoose1012sillygoose1012

Date posted: 1y ago

@blackitty27 I feel you, I get to the point where I feel like I need to call someone to hold me down or something. Like I won't be able to control myself and I'll just need to snap and just DO something, anything violent/out of character

Username: Catlove9

Date posted: 1y ago

Does not feel like OCD

I am not sure how to even describe what I am going through. And even typing this, I feel like a liar and feel like this is not even OCD. I have Harm OCD. I have had the thoughts, urges, and images. It has felt so real and so scary. I have been able to use ERP for all of that and was mainly successful. But now something new is happening and it does not feel like it is OCD. I cannot even put into words what it feels like, but I will try. It feels like the thoughts have overtaken me and now I’m this evil person who will act on the thoughts. My anxiety is not super high, which scares me because it feels like I have gone too far into the dark side. It feels like I have had these thoughts too long and they are all I can think about. It feels like I’m no longer myself and my identity has changed. I feel very weird. Like not even myself. It feels like there is this dark cloud following me and I try to use ERP but it does not feel like it is working. Not sure if I am ruminating or not because I have no idea what is even going on. I am living my life still, but it feels like it is just a matter of time until I snap. I am very scared right now because I’m not sure what this means and I cannot figure it out. I wish I could explain it perfectly but I do not even know how to put it into words.

Harm OCD

Username: Calove

Date posted: 1y ago

Anyone else

Anyone else feel like your mind is so trained to react and be scared of thoughts that a thought doesn’t even have to fully form for you to be scared or already know you need to do a compulsion? And then your brain makes something up. Idk how to explain it but I feel like sometimes I’m going insane and it’s freaking me out because my thoughts aren’t full thoughts and they are often so hard to even explain that I’m afraid no one will understand them

Username: myheal06

Date posted: 1y ago

i’m so over feeling like this:/

does anybody ever get a stream of intrusive thoughts and then you try to just ignore them and then you just start spiraling. then you feel like you’re going crazy, and all the sudden you’re convinced that your going to loose control and go crazy. i don’t know if that made any sense but it’s a super scary feeling and i don’t know how to work myself out of those moments, all i want to do is just disappear or check myself into a mental hospital😭

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