No one’s responding so what does that mean

@Blumenkohl1 I just don’t get why I did it when I’d rather die than be a P. I did to it on purpose like the action but it was like separate from the thought but as soon as it happened I forgot everything. I just don’t get it I was literally at that time searching to see supplements to get rid of ocd

@iyz7 It doesn’t sound purposefully to me tbh because you were focusing on something else. Trust yourself that these thoughts and sensations are intrusive! Do you have something planned for today? Or are you able to do something nice for yourself? Its good if you try to stop ruminating

@Blumenkohl1 I just have no idea. I was searching then stopped and zoned out and had that thought then did that action but after that it’s happened after but the action was a whole lot of nothingness like I don’t get it. It’s making me want to die this minute, I see my ex tmrw at work and it’s killing me if he knew this he’d hate me curse me ofc he would it’s his child. And I have nothing planned today don’t know what to do tbh

@iyz7 As you said - the action was a whole lot of nothingness! You weren’t actively fantasizing or anything so don’t be so hard on yourself! Also your ex won’t know about your intrusive thoughts and its none of his business since the content of the intrusive thoughts are not important. I had intrusive thoughts about my friends daughter before and it made me want to die as well, so I can relate to your struggle a lot! Try to be comfortable as best as you can and maybe watch a comforting movie💜

@Blumenkohl1 That’s true I just don’t know why I can’t shake this thought as soon as it happened I forgot everything. I wasn’t pushing to get arousal or anything I just have no idea why like I just consciously did it but I do it for other things and know it means nothing. Sometimes I do think it’s just thoughts it’s my ocd it’s not me but I’m like if we ever get back together surely I’d have to tell him ? Like it’s his child. Shouldn’t he know in terms of safety and who’d wanna be with someone who’s done/had them thoughts. His poor child it breaks my heart that my brain is doing that. Thanks for replying tho it means a lot 💜

@iyz7 You don’t owe him your confession tho. I feel you tho, I experienced similar concerns because I felt so guilty for having thoughts for my friends daugther and I haven’t been in touch with them for a couple of months because I just can’t bare the discomfort and shame. Nonetheless I think we are too hard on ourselves. Everyone has weird or disturbing thoughts every now and then but they don’t obsess over them like we do. Our brains like to give us a hard time unfortunately but that doesn’t mean anything about our character or personality! Please try to be more forgiving towards yourself💜 And of course, Im glad to help!💜

@Blumenkohl1 I don’t owe him even if I did it consciously? Like I’m not attracted this child like never! No but I’m actually sick of these thoughts. My gr went from just seeing triggers online to an ex male friend to his son and I’m just like what the fawk is this. It’s actually baffling. I’m obsessed with the thought ‘if only he knew’ with everything if I find someone good looking idk. But that’s true what you said. Have to be more forgiving. I have to remember it’s my ocd and not me. Ty 😇

@iyz7 Trust me ocd doesn’t make sense AT ALL. My themes went from hocd (urges to kiss friends and colleges, feeling attracted to strangers, crying all the time) to blasphemous thoughts about Jesus (Im a believer) to pocd because I started to work at a children foster home. I had to quit my job 💀 because I couldn’t handle the intensity of my intrusive thoughts and being in constant stress and anxiety. Still to this day I suffer from pocd and it „behaves“ different every day it feels like. regarding your ex - you dont owe him anything nor is it his right to know who you find attractive, which thoughts you have or whatever you’re doing atm. I am happy I could help you :)

@Blumenkohl1 Yeah same I’ve had it about doing random stuff like slapping a teacher to blasphemous thoughts to anything but pocd is the one that’s the worst everytime I go to a diff subtype and it gets too much I wish it goes back to pocd bc at that moment I think I know I’m not and they’re just thoughts and I can fight them but as soon as it switches I’m like no pls go. And yeah I’ve had to not apply to certain jobs out of fear of my thoughts. This thought about the son came yesterday and it’s actually the worst. Do you think if I got back together with him I should tell him everything including the conscious part? Also how long have u had pocd for? It was just last year before the breakup that I was constantly fantasising about wanting a baby and carrying my ex’s child and now look where I am 🤡 great

@iyz7 Ocd sucks the most😭 Why can’t we have a quiet mind 🥲 I would treat the intrusive thought about his son like you treated every other thought before that - letting it go! As well as the groinal. I know that sounds impossible but thats the only thing that will help you to get out of the loop. And no I dont think that you should confess to him, only if you’re sure that he understands mental illnesses such as ocd. Are you planning on getting back together and do you think it will help your mental health? I’ve had pocd since February unfortunately 🥲 I just remember that the thoughts switched to kids in an instant and I had the worst migraine the first couple of times it happened. What I think is hella irritating is that it progressively got worse which still scares me :/ Are you in touch with a therapist? I had an appointment last week and she says she’s specialized in ocd but told me that I have to have rituals in order to have ocd and since I only have mental compulsions I only have intrusive thoughts 💀 she didn’t say that she would do erp with me so Idk if I should switch therapists.. so that’s that 🥲 And I also had dreams of becoming a wife and a mother for almost all my life.. that went down the drain 🙃

@Blumenkohl1 I’d get rid of these thoughts in a flash I’d change my brain for sure I hate it sm 😭 It’s just too much. I’m trying my best the rational side of me is like ofc u didn’t do it for that there’s no reason as to why u did it (other cases where I have for other thoughts too) and it doesn’t mean anything bc Ik i ( even typing it feels so wrong) don’t have any attraction to children 😭 there was a time not long ago I’d say I’d never go for someone even a second younger than me and that’s still true so look at me now w these thoughts🙃. He wouldn’t understand mental health if he did he wouldn’t have treated me like sh8 during our rs, so I don’t think he’d understand. (Would anyone tho? Regarding children esp their own) and I’m not planning to get back together with him I just have been thinking and obsessing over him saying he ‘loves me’ and how if anything I do if he knew he’d not love me based on real events and thoughts it’s ruining my life it’s what makes the thoughts even worse it’s basically why the thoughts are there. I just sometimes hope he will come back to me but there’s a 99% chance he won’t and we can’t be together. Yet i still hope but for some reason my brain wants to destroy that change and make me the villain. I booked an emergency therapist for today bc of that thought and action I mentioned to discuss. Other than that I’m gonna start therapy on the nhs and biweekly ones with a private therapist from next week. Everyone says erp is the most effective therapy for ocd and I’ve noticed some private therapists going away from that, what other option did she suggest? If you think erp is what you need I’d say get someone who will do it.

@iyz7 Same 😭 even tho I feel like I’m lying sometimes when I say that I want to get rid off ocd which is another sticky shit intrusive thought that Im struggling with 🥲 I had moments of clarity so I KNOW that I want to be free.. its like fighting with my own brain💀 And I get that so much, ocd tries to steal our certainty about our morals and values thats why its so horrible to experience. Oh that sounds so exhausting! But please know that you deserve SO much better and I really wish and pray for you that these intrusive thoughts will stop and that you’re confident in who you are💜 Oh thats really good that you’re starting therapy! I really hope that you’ll get the treatment you need! Yeah unfortunately the therapist I went to only has appointments every month😭 so i dont think that practicing erp with her would be effective… I might try to call some other therapists to see if they have more time andcsb help be to practice erp 🙃

@Blumenkohl1 *can help me

@Blumenkohl1 Omg I relate so much with the moments of clarity sometimes I just feel normal and think wtf are u even talking about have u heard urself but then it goes to me being numb and not giving a fjck about these thoughts and feeling crazy and like a bad person and I’m like that’s not me either. If I don’t do a compulsion or thought whatever my brain says it’s bc I secretly like it and if I do the compulsion my brain says it’s bc u want it too. It’s literally fighting my own brain but atp is it my own brain ?? It’s so nice of you to say that I will do the same/pray for you and one day and it will be soon they will go these thoughts and if they come back they will go as quickly as they came 💜 I had a random emergency appointment bc of this post ^ and it was on text and he was so unhelpful I cba like he would just say it’s distressing and that’s it like tell me why I did it !! Haha didn’t help he took ten mins to reply to each response with a sentence or two. Are you in the us or something ? I’m guessing you are. I think we should just search maybe techniques online to do ourselves in the mean time between therapy sessions

@iyz7 Yesss its so distressing!! Sometimes I get random feelings out of fcking nowhere and I am like WTF - then there isn’t even anxiety and I am super confused because it feels like this is me and this is what I want.. in these moments I feel helpless and try to rationalize but thats not even possible sometimes😭 the worst thing is that I dont really know my compulsions?? Sometimes I twitch, then I shake my head or say no or I analyse and ruminate, its not always the same 💀 Thank you for your kind words 💜 today I have a doctors appointment and they will draw blood to look if this is not a medical disorder, but Ion think that they will find anything🙃 sometimes I wish I just had low iron or hormonal imbalance 🥲 Ohhh but did the emergency meeting help you?? I’m glad that you did it tho! I hope that you will succeed in erp and see that every thought and feeling is bullshit haha! I wanna start erp too, hopefully this will be possible soon.. I might start self erp if I cant find a suitable therapist soon i think And no I am actually from Germany 😂 thats why I dont have much options when Iit comes to therapy unfortunately

@Blumenkohl1 Yeah so true honestly when you’re in that ocd bubble it’s so hard to look outside it tbh and what scares me is seeing many people suffer their whole life. I simply won’t do that. I just won’t. And Omg same if I don’t react badly to every intrusive thoughts by blinking rapidly shouting screaming or saying no or not analysing and ruminating then it’s like I accept it, even if the thought is not at the forefront just letting it exist and whatever just feels like I’m accepting. The way I’m always so scared like is this me ? Do I have another personality? Ugh I cba. And no worries, I’ve never heard low iron causing ocd ? Might have to search that up as I’ve had low iron for as long as I can remember. But here’s hoping whatever it is it gets better for u!!! The emergency meeting did not help at all £43 and I did it on text and he basically took 10 minutes for every response and would just say ‘that’s distressing’ and then ask another question and not even really respond to my question. Yeah honestly I know how inaccessible it is in other countries and the prices honestly it’s extortionate and unfair tbh it’s not like we chose to have this.

@secretsecret No way did it actually. That’s made me feel better :’( it’s such a horrible disease ocd isn’t it