Struggling with intense POCD fears and feeling scared to reach out for help.

Thank you, I had been visualising the thought as a wave just washing over me but it got too overwhelming and felt too risky to not argue with the thought and interact with it.

Thank you, I was seeing a CBT therapist but due to some things we discussed they've decided I also have PTSD and so need to deal with that first meaning they stopped my therapy whilst I wait for the next lot to start. I was doing so well as well I was able to bathe my daughter without being triggered again and just got back to enjoying spending time with her, now I fear it.

@RedPanda89 - Are you in the UK?

@Steven55! I am

@RedPanda89 - I can only speak for myself, but I have found in my OCD journey, and I've had POCD and a host of other themes, is that the only thing that's worked for me is counseling by a trained OCD therapist who uses ERP, exposure and response prevention therapy. It has been very effective. That being said, and I mean no disrespect to your wonderful country (I'm an anglophile), but through correspondence with a number of your fellow citizens though this site there appears to be a general lack of OCD understanding by most of your psychologists. They can identify it, but they don't seem to know how to treat it. The good news is that NOCD does have trained OCD therapists using ERP who specialize in working with international clients. From what I understand, their practices are set up to fit your time zone. I know the fee won't be covered under your NHS, so you'll have to pay it outright, but the rate of exchange does favor the pound sterling to the dollar. You can set up a free consultation to learn more by contacting NOCD. Hope this helps.

@Steven55! Thank you, and yes I know what you mean by not having a great understanding of it, thankfully for me when I initially sought help it was recognised as OCD straight away and I got help. This time I've been lucky again to get a trainee who wanted to specialise in OCD but when they discovered the PTSD as well I became too complex for the trainee so was put on the waiting list for a fully qualified which unfortunately what takes the time. I know it's getting more difficult as I'm actively taking steps to recognise the thoughts as thoughts so I'm getting better and a relapse is to be expected. I just forget each time just how powerful and scary it can be!

It's so hard isn't it, because most of the time I know I love her with everything and would never let any harm come to her. But OCD creeps in and makes me doubt it all, my worst fear is someone abusing her and me feeling powerless that that much harm could come to her but OCD uses that fear against me.

@RedPanda89 Yeah it’s tough. Don’t know if this has been an ongoing thing for you or not, but as somebody that has recovered from it, and was basically symptom-free for more than a year, I will say that the compulsions really set you back. Don’t question, just accept and ignore. I found myself comparing this time to the last time I was having a pocd flare because this time it’s focused on a different part of his body. I keep checking to see if what set it off in 2021 still sets me off now. OCD is sneaky that way.

@Ocdislame That's my issue, I question and know I shouldn't but it feels like I'm risking accepting the thought and allowing the behaviour to happen if I don't question. Sometimes I'm questioning before I even realise what I'm doing and I have to actively say to myself stop arguing and let it go. But it's already won by that point. I'm getting back into mindfulness and learning to sit with uncomfortable emotions again which I am generally bad at which helps the OCD no end.

@RedPanda89 I feel you. I wish you the best and just know that there are others in the same situation

Thank you.