Username: brokengirl

Date posted: 1y ago

Someone please help me

Sorry this is long I don’t know where to begin but, at the beginning of the year I went through something that was hard. And I was so mad at God bc I was so hurt and I felt like I was in so much pain and I was so alone. And I remember I had some bad thoughts. I don’t remember these thoughts exactly but lietrally months later I was sitting down all normal and dealing with other forms of OCD that were so painful, but less painful than this. Anyways so then since then I have been stressing that I might have acted of these thoughts. I don’t have a memory but my brain keeps telling me I did that. Anyways I have been having intrusive thoughts since and it hurts so much. It hurts so bad and I can’t do this anymore. I don’t wanna do this anymore. I keep having these thoughts and it makes me stress so much and want to throw up. It makes me hurt myself. I have bruises all over my body and I’m just so done with this. And sometimes my brain will bring these memories of these intrusive thoughts into my mind or say my trigger thoughts and it makes me hurt so much. And then I start to go over these thoughts bc I feel so bad and I don’t want to have them. Sometimes when I am stressing about theee things they pass by and it makes me panic so bad. I was lietrally just eating and I was punching my hand so hard while thinking about all the thoughts I have had and the things my OCD had made me believe I did, and while I was doing that a thought came to my mind about what my OCD keeps telling me I did and I panicked so hard. I had to eat so fast just so I can lock myself up in my room. I didnt want to have the thought. I think I was just lost in listening to my OCD and then I started talking to myself about what I think I did and when I had the thought I was punching my self so hard that I didn’t even have time to shake it off straight away. I have this conclusion where whenever I have a bad thought I write it down bc my brain tells me that I’m a bad person and I should forget about these thoughts so I grabbed my phone as soon as the panic set in. Sometimes I question whether I had those thoughts intentionally or if i forget them and then I remember the wrong thing and it makes me feel even worse. My brain tells me that if I don’t panic staright away and hurt myself then it means that I mean the thought. I’m in so much pain. I’m really don’t want to think about it but it happens and it feel so real and that it comes from me and that I did something bad. I know this makes no sense but I don’t want to be like this. I go to bed most nights hoping I never wake up. I really don’t mean theee thoughts, sometimes they come when u I’m justify thinking about all the bad things my OCD has made me believe I did and then I panic over remberinf these things. What if im thinking this on purpose? What if the thought I had is so much worse? What if God will never forgive me? I don’t want to live anymore I hate my life and im never going to get out of this. I was just trying to have a normal dinner but my mind never stops. Whether it’s me imaegnitn things or thinking about my thoughts and going over them, I feel so guilty. I can’t even get any help bc I can’t afford it. No one knows I go through this. Ok all alone. Im all alone .

Username: GinanicoleGinanicole

Date posted: 1y ago

I’ve gone through feelings of guilt and trying to figure out what I did that was bad before. It drives me mad. I realize it’s a compulsion though not a reality. Please don’t hurt yourself, that would not be what God wants. He loves deeply and is very forgiving. What ever you’re afraid you did it you have to let it go and remind yourself that God’s forgiveness is there. You’re not doing this on purpose, this is a mental illness and God knows that.

Username: brokengirlbrokengirl

Date posted: 1y ago

@Ginanicole It’s harder said than done

Username: brokengirlbrokengirl

Date posted: 1y ago

Someone please help me I’m having a panic attack

Username: Donut Donut

Date posted: 1y ago

Try breathing or distracting your self if you need to vent I will listen

Username: Donut Donut

Date posted: 1y ago

I don't know what you are going through but I felt and do still feel alot of the time how you do. Wanting to sleep forever sounds so peaceful but it'll just take away from anyone who loves you or could love you or someone who will need you. So if you don't wanna keep going because its hard could you try to keep going for those who will need your help.

Username: brokengirlbrokengirl

Date posted: 1y ago

@Donut How am I supposed to help anyone if I can barley help myself

Username: Donut Donut

Date posted: 1y ago

@brokengirl Well its not time for anyone else its time for you and your future im saying that if the future feels unworthy of living i want you to imagine what good things may come from you maybe kid or a loving partner or maybe just the joy of you as a person can make things better

Username: Donut Donut

Date posted: 1y ago

I know it all sounds cliche I'm sorry but the future was a driving factor for my and I still am struggling

Username: brokengirlbrokengirl

Date posted: 1y ago

@Donut I have nothing to look forward to when this is what I am and how I live. Thank u for trying tho

Username: Donut Donut

Date posted: 1y ago

@brokengirl I hope you get to a point where you want to get better

Username: brokengirlbrokengirl

Date posted: 1y ago

@Donut I’m not even sure it’s ocd anymore and it’s not like I can get better. No one knows I have this and I can’t afford treatment

Username: Nothingisforever Nothingisfor...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I feel like this with false memory now I have so much pain and can’t get out It’s the worse feeling ever and feel so guilty, anxious and hopeless I didn’t know it was possible to feel this bad your not alone I’m just trying to take it day by day Hoping one day the fog will clear and I will see reality Even though now it feels so real It’s been so hard and no one understands I’ve found listening to Ali greymond on YouTube helpfull Please try and do something that makes you feel proud of your self Like try somthing new, drawing or maybe some sports I have not had much relief but it can fill the day with somthing positive

Username: Nothingisforever Nothingisfor...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I used to punch my self out of pure anger towards myself Please don’t, it reinforces the brain that somthing bad is happening Try and be positive (I am struggling to do this) But I try to remember these thoughts came out of no where and never bothered me before And then out of nowhere it’s like my life is 100% over So this tells me its probably ocd I’m going to choose to say its ocd and try and refuse rumination and hopefully one day I will see clearly

Username: brokengirlbrokengirl

Date posted: 1y ago

@Nothingisforever I just wish if I was someone else. I don’t know how much more of this I can take I really don’t. I have tried so many different thing but it always get worse and worse. Today was one of the worst panic attacks I’ve had in my life. Every one I have gets worse. I just want it to stop. It’s so hard to live like this and I’m getting so tired. I’m so tired

Username: Nothingisforever Nothingisfor...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

How long has it been going on for?

Username: Nothingisforever Nothingisfor...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Yeah I would give everything to not have this It’s so horrible But it is a mental illness that tricks you into things If it didn’t feel real it wouldn’t be OCD. I’m hoping these are symptoms and one day they will go I’m sure they will, nothing is for ever

Username: Nothingisforever Nothingisfor...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Nothing is forever except for death Please don’t try to end it This will pass Please give it more time Even suffering for a year+ is worth your whole life

Username: brokengirlbrokengirl

Date posted: 1y ago

@Nothingisforever I’m hurting so much :(

Username: Nothingisforever Nothingisfor...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@brokengirl So am I I want to wake up from this nightmare

Username: Nothingisforever Nothingisfor...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@brokengirl How long has it been going on for you?

Username: brokengirlbrokengirl

Date posted: 1y ago

@Nothingisforever I hope you do

Username: brokengirlbrokengirl

Date posted: 1y ago

@Nothingisforever A couple of months now

Username: Jonathan123147Jonathan123147

Date posted: 1y ago

1 John 3:19 - By this we will know that we originate with the truth, and we will assure our hearts before him regarding whatever our hearts may condemn us in, because God is greater than our hearts and knows all things. We can’t comprehend or understand Jehovah Gods forgiveness- but we can accept it However as an OCD sufferers if you have religious ocd there will be certain things like praying and reading the bible that might be a compulsion to you - so accept the thought - that’s not agreeing with it but you accept it’s there - then say I’m going to and can line my life. Sit with it and it will eventually fade

Username: domejimenezadomejimeneza

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

My sister🥺it’s such a relief knowing that there’s more people with this disorder and this kind of pain, when you have ocd it literally seems like no one else can understand, easy things become unbearable and an obstacle and it’s ok. I’m too in a time of my life where I just want my mind, my feelings and impulses just to shut down, ocd has attacked what I loved the most: God and my boyfriend. I’ve come to realize that healing is not linear, and that does not mean you are getting stuck or going backwards, I know the feeling of just sleeping the whole day and never waking up, but I want to give you hope, there’s healing out there for you my sister, THERE IS REALLY!!! Please keep trusting, keep going, keep believing, you were made for this, He knows you are capable of anything🤍this is not forever💛know that my prayers are with you🌸 Send you a big hug

Username: G.M

Date posted: 48w ago

I need to rant

Hi, so I’ve been dealing with OCD for the past four years intrusive thoughts and all. At first it started with being scared of panic attacks then the thoughts went to being scared I’d harm myself and now they’re associated around harming other people especially my family which is very very scary. It feels like I’m deeply rooted a bad person. I can’t even tell anyone my thoughts. It also makes me confused on if I want these thoughts. I’m not even sure if I have any compulsions bc I try to just ignore the thoughts and distract myself. Lately I’ve noticed my anxiety getting a lot worse Notjhing seems to calm it down anymore and I just want to stay alone in my bed and make it all go away. I’m scared I’m scared of myself and I’m scared these thoughts could happen one day and I’m scared I want them. Sometimes my thoughts can make me feel like that… does anyone have any good resources im doing ERP but it’s so expensive. I haven’t tried medication but I want to I’m just scared it will make me worse or make me gain weight. But I’m at the point where I’m desperate and something needs to change bc I can’t live like this. I feel like I’m fighting my thoughts all day. And one second I feel confident I’m ok and the next my whole body gets hot and I feel like it’s all possible and I want these thoughts. Someone please give me advice?

Username: Godisgood777

Date posted: 41w ago

I need help asap

I struggled with severe ocd since I was in 2nd grade and now I’m turning 19 so I’ve had it basically my whole life, I’ve had it bc my dad abused my mom when I was little all the way up until I was a teenager and it really hurts me and affects my life. I have intrusive thoughts and images of loved ones getting hurt and I constantly overthink about my relationship and it got worst since I became a mother bc I ALWAYS worry about my daughter and I’m scared and it makes me panic I always think that if I listen to certain songs,take showers,get cute,put on certain clothes,or just take care of myself in general that something will happen and it makes my mental health worse and i have severe anxiety I struggled with pyschosis for 2 weeks and addiction to pills I don’t have money to get a therapist or even health insurance please help me how to stop it bc even when I try to let the thoughts pass through it hurts me and makes me freeze and not even be able to breathe bc of it and I can’t even say certain words bc I overthink that something will happen and it makes me want to take my life

Username: bm111111

Date posted: 38w ago

Help

I'm already going through so much. I just wish I could get it into my head that these memories of bad things are actually memories of intrusive thoughts I had that day, and not of real actions, because a person with OCD would never do what they most repudiate and abhor and which goes against their principles, and at that time I was already dealing with OCD, I was already avoiding small things for fear of causing harm. I didn't check everything like I do today because I didn't know how the rituals worked, but I always tried to be vigilant so as not to harm anyone, because the intrusive thoughts were intense and I was afraid they would come true. Apart from the fact that my little cousin has never changed with me, he loves me so much, he's affectionate, there's never been a sign that I've hurt him. He remembers little things from back then, he would remember something bad, right? But then it comes into my mind that he was asleep/sleepy and so might not remember. All the bad possibilities run through my mind and sometimes I get distressed, because I love him so much and it horrifies me to imagine that I might have done something bad to him. I don't have the strength to deal with all my problems and these OCD issues, I just want to come to a conclusion and get on with my life, because as well as the OCD I have other problems, such as my finances. Jesus, I feel like I'm going mad sometimes. I've talked about it here before, I know it's wrong to seek confirmation, but I need to get it off my chest, I'm already in physical pain from other problems, so having all these things on my mind makes it worse. I just wanted someone to help me, I'm desperate.

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