Relationship ocd

I constantly overthink that I’m being kept from information and being lied to and that stuff is always hidden from me. I cry at the slightest shift in tone and I overthink everything that may have lead up to it. I overthink changes in routine and when something that’s small to others change it feels like a stab in my heart. I hate change and when it happens I spiral and I feel like I’m no longer loved. When out of sight and out of mind, I always overthink about how the love will fade if he doesn’t have a constant reminder of me even if it’s only been a few hours. I feel like something will happen and he will not even care that I exist and he’ll cheat or lie or hide things from me until one day he reveals the truth way after he has lost feelings. I constantly worry even with insane amounts of reassurance and I don’t know how to stop my overthinking. This overthinking causes extreme panic attacks and feeling not whole and lonely. I often think of killing myself because of it and I don’t know how to talk to anyone because I don’t want people to think I’m in a bad relationship and make it worse by telling me to breakup with him. He’s very thoughtful and talks everything out with me now that I’m trying to be more open but even that doesn’t help. I told him yesterday and he said to try to find something good in everything I overthink, I thought then and there that he’d never understand because where is the finding something good in wanting to kill myself? I didn’t say that to him though because I didn’t want him to get upset. I did say how do I find a good in overthinking about lying and cheating though? And all he could reply is I don’t know how to help you beyond what I’ve already tried doing. And I know he didn’t mean it in a bad way but that caused me to spiral more. I stopped messaging him about the subject and just thanked him and told him I loved him so he didn’t feel bad he couldn’t help, but it made me feel like I’m unable to be fixed. It made me overthink things 10x more. I don’t know what to do anymore and how to help myself I just wanna be happy and trust him and trust myself and our relationship but it’s so hard with all these thoughts never leaving my head and appearing every single time I’m happy. I used to just bottle it in but it’d make me go mute and push him away physically and mentally even though I just wanted to be comforted. I hugged him while having these thoughts and balling my eyes out for a few hours yesterday and it felt more assuring than pushing him away, definitely, but I can’t always hug him when I need to and it’s not like I can ask for constant reassurance. He’s very busy, works, a student, acts, sports, etc and I can’t weigh him down like this and I wanna get better if I want our relationship to work. There are so many things that set off my overthinking; here are a few that do the trick. Long periods of time without being near me (not long to normal people, at most 2 days), long periods of time between text or talk, when Life360 messed up and shows me he’s on the side of the road or somewhere random etc, when I know he’s with pretty talented people, when his mood shifts or his tone changes, when he doesn’t wanna cuddle me when it’s hot, and countless more things. I know it’s an issue to get upset at these but I can’t help the scenarios and overthinking my brain makes up. It often causes me to want to punish myself to be more talented, skinny, pretty, less boring so that he’s always happy with me. There’s so much more but that’s all I can write right now and think of unless talking about specifics.

gsa0210

Date posted: 2y

Same here, I can relate to a lot of this, its definitely a struggle. Here for you!!

NoLoveInFeb

Date posted: 2y

@gabo_1030 Thank you! I’m here for you too 😭🫶

soph9559

Date posted: 2y

I’m not making any assumptions here as obviously I only have the information you have provided - so by no means the whole picture, but have you heard or looked into BPD or at least ‘insecure attachment’ relating to the attachment theory? A lot of what you’ve described here really really fits with both, and could help you understand and subsequently improve the issues if it is? You definitely describe an insecure attachment here, but the additions of describing yourself as ‘spirallling’, ‘a stab in your heart when it’s small to others’, and particularly ‘not feeling whole and lonely’ suggest an element of BPD? Obviously I’m not a MH professional, but I just htought it would be worth me mentioning for you to look into and maybe discuss with a MH professional if you hadn’t heard about it and feel like it might help you explain your struggles? Best of luck, it sounds like you’re having a really hard time, but it also sounds like you’ve got a really supportive partner there who’s in it with you and trying to help as much as possible which is a great start to helping you recover, which I have no doubt that you can with some time and effort (as hard as it is) x

NoLoveInFeb

Date posted: 2y

@soph9559 Thank you so much for the amount of effort you put into this response. This app was my first step as this morning I cried over the dumbest thing and had a realization that I needed to listen to his words and open up more so I downloaded it with the intention of learning how to get better. It was a big step out of my comfort zone as I hate opening up but these replies make me feel not alone. I definitely want to seek help more now that I feel not as alone and I’m really grateful that you put time into how I should get started with that. Thank you once again <3

soph9559

Date posted: 2y

@NoLoveInFeb That's a big step you're very right, but I'm impressed you're this far already in that case :). And no you are certainly not alone! Insecure attachment for example is incredibly common with studies saying anywhere from 30-80% of the population struggle with it! BPD for another example, is less common, but still relatively common as it's estimated 1-4% of the population have it (again depending on where you look) and that doesn't even take into account the significant number of people expected to have it but not be diagnosed. So you are certainly not alone. You're taking a fantastic step forward in doing this, looking into all this, and trying to understand it all. So you deserve a pat on the back already for that as it's honestly huge! You'll get there :) best of luck x

vic.s07

Date posted: 28w

Yeah.

Gmoki

Date posted: 22w

Relationship

I feel so bad I overthink abt everything my bf says and does. I think that if he doesn’t say x y z when I want reassurance then he must’ve stopped caring or is tired of me. I know it’s not the truth and he gives me NO reason to think this way. This is my first healthy relationship and I want to be in each others lives forever. I love him so much and I’m trying my hardest to manage these thoughts but I’m so anxious. It’s so draining I feel helpless and like I can’t go a day without checking his social medias. I want us to be the best versions of ourselves for eachother but idk where to start or how to manage this feeling.

JazzyRoses

Date posted: 19w

Being Cheated On OCD

Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭

lulu2

Date posted: 11w

Relationship OCD - PLEASE HELP

Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.

Relationship OCD

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Relationship ocd

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