Beginning Therapy

My thoughts and compulsive behaviors were terrible last week, but now it’s like they’ve almost disappeared. I have my first 90-minute session scheduled with my NOCD therapist for next week but now I’m wondering if I even have ocd or if it’s even worth it for me to meet with my NOCD therapist. Does anyone else have experience with this? Did it affect how long it took for you to seek treatment? I know myself and that most likely if I cancel my upcoming session my brain will latch on to some other thoughts and the circular thinking will probably return. But now I’m second guessing myself because with help on the horizon it’s like my brain has pushed all the anxiety to the side and I feel more “normal” than I’ve felt in a while. I also had a brief last meeting with an intern that I was doing telehealth sessions with through a counseling center and when I told her what my anxiety is like and that I suspect that I may have ocd, she basically questioned me and was like “are you sure?” She said “ocd has two components — obsessions AND compulsions, are you sure you have both of them?” And so since that conversation and since some of my recent thoughts have quieted down, I’m wondering if I’m silly for even being here. I also felt really down after my conversation with her because it made me wonder if there was just no one who can help me. I’ve tried talk therapy and I don’t feel like it helped. But maybe I’m just not trying hard enough. Interested to hear if anyone else has had similar experiences in the process of looking for help or if I’m the only one.

This is half a vent session, half me asking for advice but: My OCD symptoms started on april 2020, one month after the pandemic. that has led me to constantly question whether it’s OCD or anxiety and of course i can’t really diagnose myself but it behaves very differently from anxiety. i’ve also been doing research and reading about OCD for over a year and i honestly honestly think i have OCD because i fit basically all the symptoms? anyways, I finally brought it up to my therapist a few appointments ago and i felt like they kind of dismissed me? not sure if that’s normal. they told me it’s could be because of heightened anxiety and to practice “thought stopping”. that has made me feel sooo bad about myself because i start spiraling and believing my intrusive thoughts MUST be true because of what they said, and because it makes me feel like I’m just using the OCD label for “attention”. i’m not sure if i should bring it up again in a future appointment? or maybe find a new therapist? or maybe I don’t have OCD at all? I don’t know what to do

I'm currently visiting my third therapist in the last three years and none of them have helped me so far. None of them have given me any type of diagnosis so I'm not even sure if I actually have OCD, and it's driving me mad. The last session I had, I even felt like it made things worse rather that it helped. I wanna feel that trust to my therapist that you should feel to be able to share your emotions but I don't. I feel like its not going anywhere, like it's useless. Lately I've been thinking about finding a therapist here at NOCD, I've even looked up some specific people and they all seem really nice and sweet.