ROCD? Advice needed

I continue to get distressing thoughts surrounding my love for my boyfriend and if we are going to work out and are meant to be together because he is of different religious beliefs, and I grew up hearing that doesn’t work in relationships. We have been together nearly two years. I know I love him, and he supports my beliefs and I support him, we have had conversations about it. but my brain goes through intense periods of hyper focusing on the anxiety surrounding it, making me feel like I am going to hurt him, or we are going to break up because of me and our differences. It’s very distressing and I ruminate a lot about him and try to calm myself down by thinking through the situation, a mental compulsion? I know worrying about your partner is normal but I feel like I hyper fixate on the compatability between us and me hurting him and I don’t know if it’s ROCD or if it means we aren’t compatible. It’s upsetting.

Username: Stacy QuickStacy Quick

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 1y ago

I can tell that this is really weighing on your heart. I can tell that you care deeply for your partner. I think it is normal to think about these things and I think that if you have OCD it can become magnified. My recommendation is to possibly get some treatment through an OCD specialist. I do think that overthinking (trying to solve a problem or perceived problem) can become a mental compulsion of rumination and this can not be so helpful.💛

Username: Jen 💛Jen 💛

Date posted: 1y ago

@Stacy Quick Thank you for reaching out, it’s definitely hard because I do care about him so it’s upsetting when this happens. I am looking into a therapist through this app

Username: Stacy QuickStacy Quick

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 1y ago

@Jen 💛 - Thats awesome to hear-Our Care Team will typically begin with a free 15-minute call to discuss treatment, answer any questions you have, and book your first appointment. Please feel free to schedule a convenient time that works best for you here: https://learn.nocd.com/scheduler

Username: rayellerayelle

Date posted: 1y ago

Some of what you said reminds me a lot of myself. I’m not a doctor but from personal experience it definitely sounds like ROCD. I want to validate your pain and please know you are not alone. Do you have a therapist you can speak to? Just so you can work things out and try to redirect your focus/manage intrusive thoughts. Best of luck my dear.

Username: Jen 💛Jen 💛

Date posted: 1y ago

@xrae Thank you’ I don’t have a therapist yet I had a bad experience with my last one who did not specialize in ocd but I am looking for one. Thanks for validating my feelings 🖤

Username: JordTheNordJordTheNord

Date posted: 1y ago

Sorry to hear of the struggle that is within you. You probably definitely are experiencing OCD with the constant ruminating thoughts and hyper fixation. You are correct though and you initially thinking of “will this work out” is actually normal. Have you guys had any issues? Have you guys talked about the future and how this could influence kids if you want any or just moving forward in your life. It definitely can cause issues if this isn’t worked out sooner than later. However not every relationship is the same even with the same pieces because the ppl might be different as well in handling differences. Take a few deep breaths. Now OCD can get in the way of any relationship regardless of differences. It’s not necessarily going to be the difference in beliefs even though that can play a factor. It can be you’re state of mental well Being so you can continue to be happy with him. You can do this no matter the outcome. Have you tried any therapy to help you with OCD? Any ERP exercises?

Username: Jen 💛Jen 💛

Date posted: 1y ago

@JordTheNord We have discussed it and he’s super supportive of me and my religion, said I could even raise the kids to be religious 😭. and he is overall great. But my brain keeps hyper fixation on it even though he makes me happy. He knows I have ocd too so he tries to be patient. I just don’t understand why my brain focuses on my anxieties and doubts about us and pick them apart. I’m definitely looking for a therapist that knows OCD

Username: JordTheNordJordTheNord

Date posted: 1y ago

It’s what OCD does. Focusing on fears and doubts it’s easier than positivity. It keeps us safe. Built in our brain. We just have to overcome the hyper fixation part. Unfortunate yes but it builds our character and most likely makes us more compassionate and understanding ppl.

Username: anonymous9897

Date posted: 2y ago

Is it ROCD or just relationship anxiety?

I’m entering a new relationship and am so so scared. Is it ROCD or am I having realizations that maybe we’re just not compatible? I really really like this person but I’ll just wake up with thoughts like “omg he’s not super affectionate and he’ll never be that - I want someone who is” and then just start spiraling. I’ve had other thoughts like - He’s not it. - I’m settling. - I don’t feel like he’s asking me questions, we’re not getting vulnerable. - I think I like him. - What if I don’t like him? - Maybe I don’t really like him. - What’s the point of continuing this if I already know it’s not going to work? - Do I know if it’s not going to work? I don’t know? - Why do I get so anxious when I have this thought? It must mean that my intuition is telling me it’s not going to work - I have conversations with other people that are easier Please help, is this OCD or am I just denying my own basic needs in a relationship and staying in it because I don’t want to hurt this person? Can anyone relate to these thoughts at all?

Relationship OCD

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

ROCD about my partner due to intimacy issues

Hey all. First time posting here and I’ve been struggling a lot with this. My partner and I have been together for four years and he means everything to me. He was able to get me and my dog and sister out of our abusive home, has created a family with his family for me and we have been the best of friends. For the past few months he’s been experiencing low libido and it’s been frustrating for me as intimacy and touch are a huge part of my love language. I know he loves and cares about me but I’ve been having obsessive thoughts of whether this is the right relationship for me, if I’m betraying myself and what I truly desire and need, and fearing that I’m going to harm or coerce him into sexual intimacy when he’s not ready. We’ve reached out to a couple therapist to work on this but I keep obsessing and worrying about why if this doesn’t work out and that child we planned to have is going to disappear and the beautiful life we’ve created is going to disappesr too. This has been a confusing theme of OCD because while the feelings are distressing sometimes I fear that I genuinely need to stop betraying myself and break up because I’ve been such a big people pleaser all my life due to trauma. Why if I’ll end up in a sexless relationship my whole life? Why if he ends up feeling traumatized and coerced? I’ve experienced sexual assault and would never want anyone to feel that so it really coincides with my harm ocd. It’s made me feel really suicidal the last time we got into a fight and he felt he wasn’t enough. I hate making someone I love feel this way. I don’t know what to do or if this is even relationship OCD or genuine incompatibility

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Anyone relate (ROCD)

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is an absolute angel. All throughout the relationship I would have nightmares and intrusive thoughts “what if he leaves/cheats”. And he would reassure me and treat me like the world revolves around me. Lately I’m realizing this was actually ocd and not anxiety as I had previously thought. I would get paranoid if he didn’t check his messages for a couple hours, I’d get anxious if I saw an ambulance heading toward his street while I was driving, I would ask for reassurance that he loved me constantly. Bear in mind, I have no reason to have these fears. My boyfriend is my best friend and has supported me through thick and thin and he’s amazing. One time a couple months ago I was being a bit snappy with him one night and I had the thought “only people who don’t like their partners are snappy with them” and it just stuck. Now I struggle with intrusive thoughts about my own feelings, do I love him, do I miss him enough, is my relationship going to end because this couple on social media broke up. I could deal with the thoughts about his feelings because he is so so good about making me feel loved but now I’m stuck in this constant guilt loop where I question my relationship for no reason then get anxious and feel guilty for even thinking that way because I think I’m manifesting it. Was wondering if anybody else in a healthy long term relationship has had this happen to them and how you talk yourself down :(

Relationship OCD

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