Does anyone have hard time with sexuality and sexual things? I am worried to be sexual, that God is watching. I stopped everything remotely sexual. If it ever comes to the point where I will kiss someone again I will be so scared because God is watching me. And it will be uncomfortable because I won’t be enjoying the moment I will be thinking about my thoughts. I used to be totally fine and then all this came along and I feel like I can’t even be normal human. I have sexual dreams and I feel fine and aroused in them. Then I wake up and I’m like omg God doesn’t want me to think these things. I can’t even explain it all.. I wish I could all stop this and go back to normal me :’(

@Whitestar If I can help you out at all here: I’m a fellow Christian who struggles with scrupulosity. It definitely causes me to beat myself up over any thoughts that could be sinful, including lustful sexual thoughts. Let me tell you the truth. Lust is sinful. So are thoughts of hurting people, like a lot of OCD sufferers deal with. The thing is… there’s a lot of thoughts that can’t be helped. The things that pop in your head are not things you can help. Lustful thoughts that pop in your head and you can’t seem to stop them, even if you are trying desperately to, are not sinful. God understands your brain chemicals. He created you. He loves you. Even if you were sinning, He died so we could be washed white as snow. It’s taken me forever to view myself as someone completely forgiven by Jesus, even when I try so hard and still fail. Repenting and believing is key. Repenting does not mean you get everything right and don’t struggle anymore. It means you’re trying. God is aware of your struggles. He sees you. He knows you and your heart. Let me tell you as well, sexual desire is not sinful. God created sex as a beautiful thing for marriage. He wired us a certain way. Sin distorted that desire. Know you are not the most awful person on the face of the earth. We are all awful people who have sinned and have fallen short of God’s glory. We don’t deserve His love. However, He has more than willingly given us what we don’t deserve. He doesn’t view us truly disgusting, never enough, and unable to please Him. We are worth it because He made us in His image, not because we are good. We were worth dying for. Remember that God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. Those thoughts are not ones He wants you to obsessed with or worried about. He wants you to rest in Him. Do so. I’m praying for you as I consistently go through the same thing and have to the point of suicidal thoughts. I hope things get better for you. You are not alone, and YOU WERE WORTH DYING FOR.