Username: Vee <3

Date posted: 1y ago

Still a bit distressed

How long will this go on for? I’m so tired. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I just want it to go away. It’s hard to accept uncertainty when you were once so sure and confident about yourself. Why did this happen to me? How did it happen to me? I feel so sick and unsure and alone and fraudulent. I feel like the only solution is just to not exist anymore. I don’t want reassurance. I already know who I am and what I want. I just want my fucking brain to shut up. I want it to stop convincing me that I’m someone I’m not. I want the night terrors and migraines to go away. I want the pit and aches in my stomach to stop. I want to be able to breathe without my breath shuddering. I want to be able to read lesbian media again without my brain telling me that I’m faking my sexuality and that I’m not actually a lesbian. I want to be able to listen to songs again without my brain giving me intrusive thoughts about being with men and liking it. I want to be proud about who I am without my brain telling me that I’m going to fuck/end up with a man and be happy. I want the straight fantasies to go away. I want to be able to cry about something that isn’t ocd again. I want to stop being numb after crying and accepting my “straightness” bc I know I’m not no matter how much my brain tells me “your heart knows you’re straight. You know you’re straight. You were never attracted to women.” I want to stop picturing being happy with men and being “ok” with it. And then getting anxious the very next second and not know why. I want it all to fucking stop. I want to be able to at least tolerate living again.

Username: Stacy QuickStacy Quick

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 1y ago

Sending a virtual hug. Dealing with mental health can be exhausting and draining. I hope you can get treatment and support soon. It can be life-changing.

Username: Vee <3Vee <3

Date posted: 1y ago

@Stacy Quick Thank you so much 🥺🫶🏼

Username: ada110ada110

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm so sorry 💖💖💖 it's so horrible what OCD can do to us. I know it's hard cos it makes you feel like a fraud but you deserve to show yourself so much self-compassion. Are you able to access ERP therapy? Even in recovery it can flare up and get you down. Keep going. These dark depths will pass. Just wanted to say I've been there and it's still shit sometimes but show yourself some love. We got you.

Username: Vee <3Vee <3

Date posted: 1y ago

@ada110 Thank you so much 🥺 I do not have access to therapy yet, but soon I absolutely will. I’m really trying and I absolutely appreciate your words of encouragement and kindness ❤️❤️

Username: ada110ada110

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Vee <3 Focus on self-care when it feels this hard 💖 ERP therapy takes time but it does help.

Username: WortoWorto

Date posted: 1y ago

For what it's worth, I understand completely how you feel. It's like everything about yourself has been turned on its head. I'm married with kids experiencing this for the second time in my life now and I'm honestly feeling such a fraud and so low, I wonder if I just go and disappear somewhere, or kill myself. I can't deal with this.

Username: avacado3avacado3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Worto I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope that things get better .. for what it’s worth, if this is the second time, to me that says that you got out of it once before. You can do it again!! Please reach out to support and keep going ❤️ you can do this.

Username: Sparker12Sparker12

Date posted: 1y ago

Do you mind me asking how you deal with intimacy with your partner and this SOOCD? I am in a relationship and it's killing me for the most part

Username: WortoWorto

Date posted: 1y ago

@Sparker12 I've never had a problem 'getting in the mood' in the past at all - although this time round this has hit me as my wife was pregnant so we've not done anything sexual at all for a while and the longer I wait the more apprehensive I get that I've lost my mojo.

Username: avacado3avacado3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey there! I have SOOCD too. I know how hard it can be. It really makes things feel distorted sometimes - all of the “evidence” that ocd puts together can feel so real. Here are a couple of things that have helped me: - meditation: will help separate you from your thoughts and hopefully calm your body down for a beat - make sure you’re eating enough and drinking water. Especially when anxiety is high it’s easy for appetite to go down, which may cause extra difficulties like headaches that you don’t need right now. - try some supplements for helping brain chemistry balance. Fish oil, b6 vitamin/any multi vitamin, and a good probiotic are what have helped me. - the biggest thing to help is the ERP. Start small, with maybe a script or repeating a feared phrase over and over. This will start to chip away at the ocd and start showing you that there is a way out. - any way that you can be there for yourself right now - giving yourself hugs, journaling about your feelings (I would avoid journaling about the topic because that may be rumination), taking a bath and lighting a candle, some affirmations that have helped me are “I can’t tell you if your obsession is true. But I can tell you that I love you and I’m here for you”. Self love is really going to get you through this. - reach out to family members or safe friends as best you can. Try not to isolate yourself and let people know that you are struggling. I can’t tell you how much of an impact that having people around to be a support has helped me. A couple of tactics that helped me: -“Do the opposite of what your ocd tells you to do” ex. If your ocd tells you not to call a friend on the phone because you might have feelings for them and that is a feared outcome, try your best to do it anyway. Any way that you can call ocd’s bluff in a reasonable way that will result in a manageable exposure is important. Follow Instagram accounts that have tips on this: Especially for Pure O- @zachwesterbeck is great, his biggest theme was SOOCD so he has some great videos on it. Also @jennaoverbaugh And last but not least - remember that you are not alone. This was my biggest theme too- and it really sucks sometimes. But taking a step back from the topic and looking at it as OCD as a whole and tackling that may help- as ocd wants you to be distressed and stay stuck. It wants you involved in the fears and in the content of the thoughts, because it knows that your sexuality is important to you. You can do this ❤️ I believe in you!! 🤗🤗🤗

Username: avacado3avacado3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

PHeW that was a lot 😂

Username: Sparker12Sparker12

Date posted: 1y ago

Killed it my friend! Thank you for the IG account recommendations

Username: idont241

Date posted: 5y ago

I can’t anymore. I really can’t. The what if I am attracted to them. The “why does it have to be a man with a woman” (which by the way- I only now get when women are talking in love songs. And whenever I look at any couple). I am just tired. Tired of feelings like crap. I just want to go to what I was before, but was I like this before? Have I always been like this? I am tired. My anxiety levels are ALWAYS the worse at the morning. I am starting to obsess whether I like this friend now! And it doesn’t matter how much I try to accept it, it doesn’t go away. Like there is still something wrong. I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. At this point. How can I still be straight? I literally get triggered by everything. And how can I just not be gay? I have no reason to think that but it feels so real. It’s like I have no sexuality at all. And this is all that I can think about every single hour of my day. I am even thinking about this in dreams! I even wonder that the fact I am so upset right now is because I am scared of telling people and that they won’t accept me. When I don’t even know who I am myself. I am so done. What even is this? Have I always been like this? I am getting flashbacks and it’s telling me I have.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Idk

Date posted: 5y ago

I seriously have never thought about girls until now. It just never crossed my mind. I never liked or had feelings for a girl. And now that I’m constantly questioning everything and picturing everything. It just feels like I like it. It scares me, would I be happy with a girl ?? I don’t want to be with a girl but I feels like I do want this. It’s so confusing. I can’t tell whether this is actually ocd or I’m genuinely attracted to the same sex. I hate this so much !!! It’s like I just completely lost myself and questioned it so much I’ve just become lesbian but some things just don’t make sense. Why would I catch feelings for other boys? Never girls. I don’t know anymore. I’m happy with my boyfriend. Without these thoughts I’d be so good and so much more happy. Now I just don’t fucking know and this hurts so damn bad that I can’t just rest not one day. This is so damn stressful and hurtful to question your identity every single day. Sometimes I seriously just feel like I’m lesbian but I can’t seem to settle on that because I just can’t be. I want to just die. I hate what my mind is doing to me. I hate I have to go through these thoughts alone. I hate everything. I just want to crawl in a hole and never see anyone. I just want to hug my boyfriend and have my thoughts erased. I’ve thought too much and too deep I can’t stop. I’m crying from sadness because I don’t know what’s real anymore and I never in a million years thought this is something I’d have to deal with.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: X1

Date posted: 3y ago

I can't get medication or therepy and I can't take this anymore. I've been a straight man my entire life, always wanted a wife and this says otherwise. The thing worse than the thoughts and disgusting images is the groinal response. I can't take this anymore. Six months of this shit and a garbage year in general. Covid, my girlfriend cheating and leaving, laid off at work despite working hard, total isolation, then this. I had ocd during childhood and youth now it's back. This has said many things over the years but the things it's said past six months are, -Ive always been trans but never knew -Im want to be trans -Im a pédo -Im a râpist - I'm a traitor to my country -Id rather fight for the axis than the allies -Our veterans are scumbags -I want to beat women -I want to load a shotgun and shoot my family -I like incest -I want to fuck animals -im going to hell - I don't believe in my Catholic faith - The one that's been the worst, I'm gay I don't want to be or do those things. I don't. I've thought of myself as a decent man and I loved who I was before this. I don't want to live anymore. I've looked for reasons to keep going yet I find nothing. The whole "You have so much to live for!" has only given me little hope and strength in the early stages of this. It does nothing for me anymore. With the groinal response it's like I've turned gay. HOCD It's attacked friends, people I look up to, family. So many people. I just want to curl up and die. I just want to fucking die

Sexual Orientation OCD

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Still a bit distressed

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