- Date posted
- 2y
Irrational Fears & Fake Memories, OCD
I have a pretty extreme case of OCD. I’ve been on medication for 15+ years. It started when I was in my early 20’s & slept with someone for the first time. I became obsessed with HIV. I was convinced I had it. Even after the 3 month, 6 month, 9 month year, I wasn’t convinced. I would continue to have HIV tests that my doctor told me were not needed. I wouldn’t be intimate with my partner because I was convinced I would give it to him. Every time I had a new boyfriend and we went past certain steps, I would obsess about HIV. Nothing else. Not all the small stuff, just HIV. It was a very hard thing to live through. Years later, when I was pregnant with my son, I had convinced myself that my unborn baby was not my husbands. Even though I had not slept with anyone else in 8+ years since we had been together. I could justify it. There was one night that I went out with friends right before I found out that I was pregnant, and although I remembered everything about the evening, I convinced myself that maybe I drank too much and I had been raped in the parking lot, or bathroom. My husband knew this was irrational but I couldn’t get over it. My pregnancy was not fun for me. OCD stole it from me. When my daughter was younger, I would have triggering thoughts whenever a plastic bag was in the room. Or a big knife. The Casey Anthony story wrecked me. It was happening at that time. I would only spend time with her with my family around, or I would find an excuse to have my parents have her. I tried to avoid my own daughter because I thought it was in her best interest. More to come… have to go into the store with my family.