- Date posted
- 2y
Venting with needs 4 encouragement not reassurance
TLDR: stressed and emotional 24/7. Current fixations on anaphylaxis and choking. Lost 5 pounds in a week bc I’m not eating well as a compulsion. Dealing with a slew of health issues too exacerbated by outdoor allergies. got prescribed: Zyrtec, Flonase, singular, azelastine, and 50 mg prednisone no taper. Gaslighted myself over the prednisone and didn’t start it bc ocd. I am overwhelmed and exhausted 26 (F) I have Ptsd and ocd which is real nice way of saying, ocd is the aggressor and ptsd just has to make the choice to interact or not. It’s worse when they are both flared up at the same time, that’s never fun. I’ve been on this site intermittently, I really only come back when ocd is completely flared bc it’s nice to have community. People who don’t have problems don’t really post, you know how the saying goes. Well, I’ve been due for an ocd flare up. I haven’t had one in about a year. I have days where it’s hard but I consider flare ups to be ocd that lasts more than a week. I’ve been in a flare up for about three weeks now. I have outside stressors going on like my job is high maintenance and my partner and I aren’t getting along rn. I’ve been unwell since December, like constant sinus infections and then tonsillitis and then Covid (for the 2nd time) and then a summer cold. So I’m not used to being healthy this year. I suspect I’m also long hauling again from Covid. So I’ve got a lot of inflammation. I got allergy tested and tested positive to every tree, grass and a few weeds. So they think that’s why I’ve been getting so sick. I got diagnosed with asthma even though I don’t have any physical symptoms other than chest tightness and shortness of breath. I have a rescue inhaler with albuterol, I just broke down and finally started taking Flonase for my allergies, I’m on 10mg of cetirizine, and I’m gonna start singular tonight. My current ocd fixations are on choking and anaphylaxis. I’m scared to eat if I’m not around people for these reasons. For the past two months, when I eat certain things my throat gets so tight and I get so much mucus in my throat that it never comes up and it’s hard to swallow. Like a post nasal drip, so that’s where anaphylaxis started coming in. It’s not uncommon for to develop food allergies in my family later on in life. So now after everything I eat I’m like this is it, this is how I go out, despite only having the throat sensitivity. My allergist thinks it’s acid reflux but I have no other symptoms. He doesn’t think it’s food allergies or sensitivities at all. I wish he would just give me an food allergy test so I would just know. Long story just to give where I’m struggling: This week I’ve been going through an “asthma” flare up. I had to use my inhaler for the first time in my life. I got in with my allergist bc I was worried about it so that’s how Flonase and singular started. He thinks it’s an acute case. He also prescribed Azelastine nose spray and told me to take all of that and my cetrizine. He also prescribed 50 mg of prednisone once a day no taper, just in case. Now I was supposed to start today, but I chickened out. I couldn’t do it. I got too scared bc of the side effects. I already suffer from insomnia and I’m going through an ocd flare up. I don’t need anymore adrenal stress. Im sure my body is flooding with cortisol as it is. I gaslighted myself and told myself I’m not that bad. What if it was never asthma and just anxiety/long haul symptoms? Bc even he wasn’t sure it was an asthma attack that I was having bc my flow meter and lung function test were still within normal ranges. There’s so much I don’t understand about my allergies and asthma. I’ve literally lost 5 pounds in 1 week bc I’m barely eating. Im so scared I’m going to react to everything I eat now. I cry all of the time because I’m so stressed. I cried at work. I cried to the allergy doctor. I cried bc what if I’m allergic to my cats and I have to get rid of them? Im so exhausted. I leave for a trip in a week to a convention that I’ve waited all year to go to and I’m about to ruin it for myself if I can’t get a grip on this. I don’t know what to do. Im tired of meds but I’m tired of not taking the meds bc I’m scared. It’s such a vicious cycle. Im getting back in with EMDR starting next week bc that’s what calmed it down the last time. I know there are people that are struggling more long haul and allergies than I am. So this is nothing in comparison. I don’t want to be how I was last time. Last really bad flare up I had I was agoraphobic for three months and it was in tandem with PTSD and I was so scared of getting drugged that I didn’t eat. While this is similar, it’s not that bad yet. Im just tired and want relief. Thanks for listening to my rant if you stuck around this long.