Is my ocd leading to my depression?

I just signed up for this app and it looks really interesting. I am learning so much and really that ocd is so broad. I’m sitting here thinking is my anxiety and depression coming from a type of ocd?… I really obsess over past events mostly stupid stuff none of my friends think twice about. Stumbling on words in-front of crowds, to laughing too loud in a quiet environment, to getting a question wrong in class. Everything I think I do wrong. During the day I’m pretty good at distracting myself but when I try to fall asleep the thoughts almost paralyze me- Which could be the obsessiveness leading to anxiety. When I get like that I see myself in the situation over and over and over again. I KNOW my brain is over exaggerating these events soooo much but I get so anxious. I have put myself so down I developed almost a anxious stutter, and I can’t look someone in the eyes with out my brain skipping a word or stuttering. I feel like I know it’s anxious because when i start drinking it goes away😂. I have a very outgoing personality, and love being with people and being the jokester. I loose so much sleep because of this. I’ve tried melatonin,thc, and even prescribed sleeping pills. It’s a vicious cycle. I’m also in high school so it’s hard when your peers think you different than them. Sorry for the rant. If anyone relates to this let me know :)

VGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I'm sorry you are experiencing this, but you are in the right place. Your post reminds me so much of myself when I was in school. The content of your OCD thoughts can truly be about anything, but I think what you are referring to is a form of perfectionism OCD. But, it doesn't matter what the content, it's the cycle and it's the same for all kinds of OCD. You have a thought/feeling that makes you feel distress/uncertainty. You want to alleviate that distress/uncertainty, so you do behaviors (mental and/or physical to gain certainty and relieve the distress. You may get some relief, however, it won't be long before another doubt/uncertainty about that topic or a new topic pops into your head and the cycle continues. The important thing to understand is that when you try to figure it out, solve the problem, avoid the feelings/thoughts, get relief or certainty that everything is ok, you are doing compulsions. Compulsions make OCD worse. You will hear people say you need to allow/sit with it/accept these thoughts. It is so important that you don't engage with these thoughts. Don't try to prove to yourself that you didn't stumble over words or laugh to loud. A good non-engagement response - "maybe I did" and move on. I get it, it is always more difficult at night. I make sure I'm tired at night, I've gotten exercise, cut down on screen time, etc. so as to be able to get some sleep. NOCD offers a great platform for therapy with a trained OCD therapist. It was life changing for me. I'd encourage you to reach out, there are definitely tools that you can use. Also, explore NOCD's YouTube channel, there is some great info there. Take care!

JordTheNord

Date posted: 2y

Definitely have felt this and have been depressed by it. You’re not alone but you can overcome it 😊

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