Is this just me?

People **

Complete OCD (I just made a comment in another of your posts similar to this one). It’s constantly making you think “what if” going through hella scenarios. Trademark OCD. We are not our secrets. We are allowed privacy. That’s why they say ppl with OCD who actually feel compelled to tell their intrusive thoughts because they feel so much guilt only should do so with understand ppl. Because some ppl might understand and might not. Even if the secret objectively is harmless some ppl could take it the wrong way. That’s why we are allowed our privacy. Also you are part of your family, YOU ARE NOT your family. Nobody deserves to be dragged in other ppls bullshit. Especially as an innocent. You are not responsible for someone else’s complete actions even if you are associated with them. You are only responsible for your power and connection with ppl. Not theirs. I do believe ppl need to see they are more responsible for their actions and not place blame on others but we are not responsible for everything done by an associate. Being a role model I 100% believe you’re responsible but do I think ppl are responsible for looking up to you? 100% it goes both ways. And whatever happens is when we need to determine in context ok this is clearly a fault of someone else but it’s good to acknowledge your responsibility for the 5% you had in it. Example: persona A is having a rough day and accidentally walks into someone at the store. They do t say sorry they just scoff. The person who they ran into (person B) tackles them, beats the shit out of them, steals from them and leaves. Yea was it great person A was rude to person B no. But was person Bs response appropriate? Absolutely not. We would all say person A didn’t need to be rude but all agree person B is at fault in the situation

OCD is a self doubt disorder. Not only is the question you having valid and can be dealt with the OCD just MAXIMIZES because it’s then questioning your identity as a good person and a good mother. Idk what the secret is so I can’t be non biased but this is what I can offer: 1) if it’s an actual problem and not OCD, this problem was brought onto you by others that you didn’t have a hand in. This should not keep you from living your life and if you think this issue (not you guilt but the secret) would affect your children’s life that is something to consider. However if it doesn’t and it’s more of a shaming thing, they are able to make opinions about the world and ppl when they get older and you can always tell them when they are older. That shouldn’t stop you from having kids unless something is putting them in immediate danger. Again since I don’t know the exact situation you might have to distance yourself from said ppl so you can enjoy life as you should. You are not bound to ppl bringing you down. 2) you can actually see a therapist and discuss the problem/secret going on with the family and see how they feel to give you a clear head of sense of direction 3) having privacy is not a bad thing and you do not need to share with your kids every secret. Would you share all the thoughts in your mind with them or anyone? 3) just because you don’t disclose EVERYTHING with children doesn’t mean you are not a open, honest, and loving parent. Everything doesn’t need to be said. 4) OCD is making you take your what ifs and situations and amplifying them (even though I understand your concern for a problem that is actually a “hey let’s look at this”) going against you probably being an open, honest, and loving parent. You’ve actually even talked about this with your partner. You care. You’ll be a great parent

Alan Watts is a deceased philosopher and he actually helped me a lot of changing perspectives and managing my depression and unknowingly my OCD. Recently just found I have hardcore OCD for over two decades. Which then contributed to my depression. So I delved in understanding new perspectives , life, psychology, and philosophy. To help me bridge information pieces that helped things “click” so knowing things helped me deal with some illusions in my head. Now eventually my knowledge searching became a compulsion. But now I’m APPLYING all that I know and not engaging in a lot of my OCD thoughts which strrutbuute to my guilt. Even when I feel guilty now I’m just like “ok this sucks but I’ve been doing this for years, take a breath, this does go away you’ve seen it many times” so once I am aware of it and fall it out I then “fake it to I make it” I do things that make me happy and relax me. This was helpful because not only am I not engaging with every guilt trip/thought I have I’m not letting it ruin my day and then fill it in with positive stuff to create a NEW HABIT. Our OCD is a habit and we humans are creatures of habit. It’s hard to break habits however once you do you can create healthier and positive habits which then are hard to break 😊. I also started taking more responsibility in my character. If I say I’m flfoing to do something I do it. If I get involved with someone I give my best. If I mess up I own up to it. Because we will all make mistakes, trip, even fail at certain things. So the very least I can do is take responsibility for what I can control and constantly do good work and live my life so the negativity isn’t controlling me. Because even confident non OCD ppl experience guilt. Guilt is healthy but not to the extreme we experience and take upon everything. So I stopped focusing on “don’t experience guilt”. Because it has its place. I know amazing ppl that aren’t perfect that I love that sometimes have hurt me or mess up In Other ways in their life but I’d never want them or think they should experience guilt in the way I have. So you can try that. If your partner or a friend or even a child would think or take on the guilt like you are what would you say to them?