I’m so tired, I’m so tired of this. I hate being stuck on something and feeling so much guilt and shame. I’m so tired this has been going on for almost 3 years now, and I have no motivation to do anything at all. I don’t know what to do anymore
I’m tired of always being stuck on a past event and for beating myself up, I’m tired that I can’t tell if something is a false detail or if it’s real, and my ocd wanting to figure it out. I don’t know anymore, I feel so anxious every single day I wake up and my stomach hurts. I love my partner but my ocd grasps on to this relationship and sometimes I question if I’m better off alone without anyone
I've also been feeling this way. It gets so incredibly frustrating. But I'm realizing that after all this time I am still pushing guilt away and I think that has made it persist. I watched a video on OCD and Guilt by Nathan Peterson on YouTube and I'm going to try some of those responses when guilt arises. I notice that I either push it away or immerse myself in it thus causing depressive feelings.
@laurend9209 Do you suffer from real event ocd?
@Anon112 I do absolutely. Real Event and responsibility with a bit of moral in there. I don't feel anxious all that often. What I feel in place of that is the guilt and that is the emotion that I need to work on triggering in ERP and responding to differently.
@laurend9209 I typically feel a lot of guilt too. How do you manage your guilt?
@Anon112 To be honest it's something I'm working on. Fear of guilt has been my core fear all along and I have worked on it off and on. I am working with a therapist and I am also working on developing self compassion. In Nathan Petersons video he talked about welcoming the guilt and being willing to feel it. Almost pretending that it is wanted. I am going to try this because I notice that this approach has helped with anxiety and rewiring the way I feel about it so I am hoping I get the same result. But the guilt knocks me down sometimes because it doesn't seem to crest and fall the way anxiety does.
@laurend9209 Can I ask what your real event is?
@Anon112 I've struggled with so many of them. I've overcome a lot of them. Now my real events that tend to stick are ones that (to me) feel like I've caused harm or death to a person and will therefore feel guilty for the rest of my life. The actual event doesn't matter as I'm sure you've been told. Our perception of it does. When I'm really engaging with rumination over something I find that my perception of the event and the likelihood of it being true gets more and more sticky. I'm constantly trying to avoid the guilt and it makes the event feel bigger and bigger.
@laurend9209 I feel ya. I agree that it’s the perception of the event instead of the actual content that we struggle with :( Guilt is so hard to deal with tbh, I feel like such a terrible person and partner and sometimes I can’t stop ruminating over the sticky event and idk how to stop
I completely get it and some days I feel like it truly will bother me forever. But that mindset changes day to day sometimes. Sometimes it isn't bothering me in the slightest and then other times I'll experience a spike with it. I learn something new each time about how ocd can twist things. We are susceptible to thinking errors with OCD and just knowing that there is a possibility that this is the case sometimes gives me the ability to create some space and work on ERP. I'm hoping that you are working with someone, but if not I do think Nathan Peterson and Steve Phillipson have some of the best content.
I would start by refraining from reassurance. I promise it isn't helping. Only helps you feel better for a minute.
I’ve been feeling the same way for months now.. I’m so sorry you’re going through this!
It’s 3am and I’m not doing well. I’m having an overwhelming amount of anxiety. I need to feel mentally clean but I’m dirty. I’ve had bad thoughts and I’m ashamed. I feel like I can’t even write it down. I want to say it aloud to someone but my wife is sleeping right next to me so doing a therapy call would be impossible. I’m feeling helpless. And so guilty for my thoughts.
Everyday just gets worse and worse and there’s no way to escape the cycle. This constant feeling of dread and guilt I can’t stand it. I have no one to talk to about any of this because I have a fear of them thinking of me different and I don’t like putting my problems on people it just makes me feel like I want attention or something like even when I’m writing this paragraph. I’m stuck in a constant loop. Constant aggressive thoughts and compulsions. I’m 18 and I don’t know about any of my insurance or anything so I can’t get a therapist on here and I really don’t wanna talk to my mom about any of this. I dread having to wake up everyone morning and continue with this shit all day every day. I hate complaining but I just can’t stand this. I don’t know what to do. I’m slowly losing every inch of my mind.
TW I’m feeling really bad about myself today. I feel like a fraud and a liar. I’ve been unable to enjoy my time with my girlfriend because I’m bombarded with my thoughts. I’ve been asking for reassurance from so many people and nothing is helping. Nothing makes me feel better anymore and I’m worried that this is just how it’s going to be for forever. I miss when I could just be happy and not overthink so much. I miss being able to get through my days without this crippling anxiety. I’m worried there’s going to be a day where I realize I have no fight left in me
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