- Date posted
- 2y
Kinda long but please read. Advice?
I need some advice or maybe just some words of encouragement. I’ve been struggling which seems like I am all the time. But the “ocd” thoughts are breaking me down more and more each day. And it’s about to be September which means it’s almost been a whole year of struggling with the same thing. And I mean that literally. I’ve struggled with mental health my whole life but I’d have at least a good amount of time where I wasn’t necessarily struggling. You know I had somewhat of a break. But this hasn’t missed a day. I can never tell if I’m getting “better” or if I’m just putting on a happy face. I need to get a job soon and I’m extremely scared to. Scared of being triggered or making a horrible mistake (which i wouldn’t even consider a mistake knowing I had a choice). But I also know that I’m supposed to face my fears or nothing will change. But I have. I’ve faced my fears here and there. And never have they become less scary. So I end up staying at home where I’m more comfortable. Which isn’t necessarily true because I still feel the anxiety and the hopelessness even though nothing is really happening in the moment. So I’m stuck. Do I face my fears and potentially make it worse or do I play it safe and not hurt anyone and still potentially make it worse? Second option sounds better to me. But I never know the right answer to anything anymore. I’m going out of town tomorrow with a part of my family who isn’t extremely close to me but they know of my mental struggles somewhat. And I’m very scared and I have such a horrible anxiety in my chest. A person will be there who I’m scared of me hurting and I always try to stay away from them. I won’t have any escape if I go (as in I won’t be able to leave or go home if I’m feeling overwhelmed). Nobody but one person knows what my true fear is and I don’t plan an telling anyone else so it’s hard to explain myself to other people about what I’m going through. I just need some advice on what to do. Am I taking too big of a step by going or should I force myself to? I just feel like because it’s been a year of feeling this way I should force myself to or I won’t get better. I don’t know what to do. I’m in a constant state of panic in my mind and it’s getting exhausting living this way. I don’t feel like I’m living. I’m just simply surviving.