Can anyone help?

I am not diagnosed with ocd. I began having distressing intrusive thoughts I think last December. It kept getting worse so I was looking for answers and ocd seemed similar to what I was experiencing. I don’t have any physical compulsions just mental ones where I can’t stop using affirmations like “I will never think/do ___” or “I have never thought ___”Then eventually I don’t even know how this happened but I discovered what pocd was, and I started thinking about what if I was a p in the past? I started having thoughts and images related to that and has been extremely distressing. I was afraid to go to sleep because I was afraid of having nightmares related to what I was worried about during the day. It got a little bit better when I realized I’m reacting the exact opposite to how someone who’s a p would. I am upset by these thoughts, I don’t want them, I have no desire to be anywhere near a child or hurt them in any way and I never have. I literally am avoiding looking at any child in public because I’m so scared. This is all in my head. But then recently I don’t know why it got bad again and I became convinced that I was one in the past. I used to play this game called moviestarplanet when I was a teenager and you could date other players on there and I started thinking what if I dated someone younger than me on there. Even though I know there is no possibility of that I can’t stop being convinced that it happened and that I’m in denial and don’t care. And my mind keeps coming up with new things trying to say that I did them and I know they are wildly untrue but I can’t stop worrying and I feel like I don’t want to live with this worry anymore that it could be true or become true. What do I do?

Username: loganpaleonloganpaleon

Date posted: 1y ago

I mean I can’t/don’t wanna diagnose but that sure sounds like it. I definitely would reach out to a professional not because anyone thinks you are a P but because what you are describing sounds exactly like POCD and you deserve treatment and relief if it is OCD.

Username: bloominglotusbloominglotus

Date posted: 1y ago

@loganpaleon Thank you. I plan to go see a doctor or find a therapist soon. I’m so scared but I want to get better because I can’t live like this.

Username: loganpaleonloganpaleon

Date posted: 1y ago

@bloominglotus Right I understand that feeling very well. Quick pro tips in case it is OCD. What you are doing when you feed into the thoughts (aka when you said “I will never think/do”). Those are not only affirmations but they are compulsive reassurances. And they are very toxic to people with OCD. That’s where your feelings of dread and anxiety may be coming from. Again I’m using my words carefully because you haven’t seen a professional yet. I’m just giving this advice in case it is OCD as a nonprofessional. But instead of using compulsive reassurances. Try doing these 3 steps. 1. Acknowledge that it happened. For me personally I have incest OCD. So mine would sound like “okay a sexual image of this family member just popped up and it made me uncomfortable. There is no rhyme or reason for it and it happened with no apparent warning”. 2. Breathe in and out slowly to calm yourself or steady yourself. 3. Continue on. Whatever you were doing or thinking continue on. And if it’s an intrusive thought just repeat the steps. If it is OCD you likely will never be fully rid of the thoughts however it is entirely possible to learn to live with them without nearly as much anxiety. You may even find periods of time where you forget you have it and you just live life without thinking about it. But if you have ocd then it will take time and effort to get there.

Username: bloominglotusbloominglotus

Date posted: 1y ago

@loganpaleon Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and for the helpful advice. I will try my best to use this until I see a professional.

Username: VGHVGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi, I encourage you to reach out to NOCD for therapy. It is so easy and convenient and you can do it from the comfort of your own home. Before I had therapy with NOCD, I had therapy with another therapist who dealt with OCD, and there was no comparison between the two. NOCD therapists are skilled in dealing with OCD. I will be forever grateful for this platform. You don’t have to suffer with this, there is help available. Wishing you all the best.

Username: drak4drak4

Date posted: 1y ago

Pocd is harsh theme, even more when connected with false-real memory... first remember you are good human, many good people with OCD have these horrible fears...you are welcomed and not alone...there are people willing to listen to you and even therapist to undrestand you...second thing - your life has value...you will recover...it will not be forever even whwn it seems...you have therapist,medication, ERP,CBT,ACT and MCT therapies to your aid...with these powerfull tools you will recover

Username: bloominglotusbloominglotus

Date posted: 1y ago

@drak4 Thank you so much

Username: FuckOCD

Date posted: 4y ago

Someone please respond. Let me preface by saying that both my therapists and my mom don’t think I’m what I think I am. I have known I have OCD since I was 14, and I’m 22 now. (I had other forms of it in the past—perfectionism OCD, reverse HOCD (thought I was straight,) etc. But POCD is literally making me feel like trash and so scared and worthless. I can remember sooo many times when I had these thoughts and they weren’t “intrusive” because I didn’t know they were bad. Like so many times. So how does that make me any diff from an actual p********?! Now that I know they’re bad, we’re just going to call them intrusive?! I don’t want to hurt a child ever!! I want to have a relationship with someone my age! (But this can be true for real p********s too!!) I’m so scared, how can I just call these “false attractions” now?? Also, my type is young looking (people my age!) but does that mean I like them because they look child-like?! Please help, I want my happiness back. I’m not a bad person ?

POCD

Username: Karkaree

Date posted: 3y ago

goes I’m going to be brief and very detailed as possible ,I’m 26 female and I don’t know if it’s pocd or the real thing .okay so for starters I do suffer from anxiety and sometimes depression from as far as I can remember,I’ve dealt with bizarre thoughts in the past ,such as intrusive thoughts.I remember reading something about an high profile person getting caught up in cp and that made me start thinking about should I watch cp?.what is cp?.but I quickly realized that is something I didn’t want. To do and it was wrong .I’ve been watching porn since I was 11.it was normal porn but over the years I started watching different types But I have never watched CP.and don’t want to.i have never looked or touched an child sexually or thought about them in that way.I love kids I’ve always dreamed of being a mother,but sometimes I used to be nervous of the future like would I be a great mom or what if I abuse my child ?.different things .but fast forward when I used to masturbate I always think of celebrities who are 17,18 who are attractive but I never thought it was an problem because I would think it would be fantasy and that I wouldn’t actually do it in real life .and I have been doing this for 2 years now .but I noticed that when I’m near my god kids I start having thoughts like what if I touch him ? Or should I touch him but I always dismiss it and move on and feel bad afterwards because I have never thought about any kids that way.so fast forward a month after I masterbated .I was watching a documentary or something and it triggered me thinking I was an p and I start feeling guilty of all the things I’ve masterbated too and I have thought some stuff I’m not proud of .but it was like it was sudden and I couldn’t sleep And it was like it just kept replaying in my head to the point I started crying and overtime it subsided but I keep having these thoughts convincing myself I’m a p and yesterday I was near my godson and a thought popped in my head saying touch him touch him it was like an urge.but I resisted and I feel so bad because i love kids and now I don’t want to have any and I feel like killing myself I don’t know where these thoughts came from all of a sudden and why I couldn’t fight them off .I came across a photo of a preteen girl and while I was looking at the photo a thought popped in saying picture her in a bra and I immediately got disgusted and scared.I’m just on autopilot I’ve been googling and googling and just don’t know what to think .I’m just tired I’m just on the brink of tears and killing my self because I can’t accept that I’m this way .I’m so scared I don’t even want to leave the house or anything I was fine couple weeks ago now i don’t know who or what I’m doing I don’t have anyone to talk to I’m scared .it seems to be not as intense as it first was a Month ,but it still stays in the back of my mind ,I get urges seems real and want Me to do things I’m fighting,and it seems like my attraction to normal ppl have faded I’m having dreams about this situation,it seems I have arousal and when I have these thoughts I just want to cry because I don’t know how I got to this point.every time I see an photo of a kid I get an feeling in my stomach and I kinda get sick and my heart starts to race ,I keep googling signs of a p and now it seems I have moved on too teens I’m just to The point where I want to kill Myself,I don’t know what to do any more,I love children I’ve always wanted an family of my own but now not anymore.I’m stressed out and it seems to be all I think about is that I’m a p ,I can’t wake up Without worrying about ,it’s from The time I go to sleep to The time I wake up,I don’t know

POCD

Username: jharbi

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm scared that I could be a pedo. (Pocd)

So I (16 f) haven't been diagnosed with it but I think I have OCD. Specifically POCD and real event OCD. I did something in 2021 that I regretted then and I regret even more now. I read some fanfiction that involved incest and minors and I hated it. I hated it bc it was disgusting, bc it went against my morals, and bc I read it. I was bored but I still wish I didn't read them. And since April of this year, I have been suffering bc I read them. I'm scared I'm a pedo and I really don't want to be one bc I don't want to do the things they do to kids. I Don't even find kids attractive but I get groinal responses and I'm scared that I actually do. I suffer from intrusive thoughts everyday. Even though this flair up started in April, I've been suffering from it for a couple years. But nowadays I'll be lucky to go a hour without them. I posted a similar post like this on Reddit a month or two ago and all of the comments said I wasn't a pedo and that it was POCD but I'm spiraling. During those months I would be scared I was a pedo and not be scared bc I knew it was ocd back and forth but this time it's different. I'm scared that I'm actually a pedo but I don't want to be. I don't like the thoughts and I don't want to do anything to kids. I know people say that 'if you were a pedo you would like the thoughts." Or "if you were a pedo you would know you are." And that's helped me but now I feel like I could just be in denial. I tried to not let it bother me but my brain tells me that if I don't react, that means I like the thoughts. I have younger cousins and a nephew and I hate being around them bc I'm scared that I'll get attracted to them. I hate when my younger sister hugs me bc I get scared that I'll get attracted. There has been multiple times where I just went in my bathroom and just broke down crying. And I hate crying but I cried more than I usually do. It's gotten to the point where multiple times I felt suicidal and honestly I feel like that now. But I usually got over it and realized it was just OCD but I'm scared that it's not. And I feel like if it was just thoughts then maybe it would've been better but it's the fact that I read those even though I hated it and was disgusted by it. I just really don't know what to do. I'm sorry that this post is too long.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Can anyone help?

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community