Venting

So I’ve gotten WAYY!! Better with my pocd but there are times when I’m just living and almost forget or have some interaction with OCD. But sometimes I feel like even though I am, I get depressed immediately because, the future I’ve always wanted (having a wife and kids) just doesn’t seem like it’s even possible anymore, I feel like (A. If I do every get in a serious relationship, All I’ll be thinking is (you have pocd, you can’t tell her cause she’ll freak out and leave you and maybe possibly call the cops) its been so severe that I have these false attractions or whatever but not all the time and intrusive thoughts so graphic I spaz out or get goosebumps cause of how disturbing. I hate it with a passion. But I just feel like I don’t deserve to have any of that. That’s literally all I’ve been looking for in life have a wife and two kids and a good home. And it probably won’t ever happen sadly. Anyone on the same boat? 😔

drak4

Date posted: 1y

Yes I know how you feel. I been whole my younger years in pursuit of being a good man and good future christian husband. I done so stupid shit, but I stayed away from horror movies, hard porn, hookups etc. Now all these taboo horrible OCD thoughts are here, worse that any horror can be... first I blamed myself, nowdays it doesnt seem fair...because I know people who enjoy bad things and dont have OCD... with therapy I get so much better...most of days I now really enjoy life, without these thoughts, sometimes have setbacks... i thought about future, that it would be hard to be a head of family with OCD...nowdays my OCD is weak after therapies, but I fear it can go back...but i know fathers of family, who have OCD...it is challenge, but still they can be good parents,sometime even better, because of increased compassion trought this trail... so I would not losing hope for you and also for me... we have ERP and also CBT - ACT,MCT, medications etc. We still can live a full life... future wife will understand, if she is open minded about mental health ... 95% people had once in while some intrusive thoughts...when I shared I have OCD some good friends told me theirs...they do not have OCD, but had these kind of thought few times a year, but didnt tell nobody... so you can find open wife, who will see that you are a good person and understand you...there are still many close minded people, but there are also open minded...

Jher55

Date posted: 1y

@drak4 Thank you, the support is everything. God is good!

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I have lived with this for 42 yrs I have wasted so much time because of OCD. It has taken so much. So I think you deserve these things and should have it

Jher55

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Thanks! 42 yrs, wow! My hat goes off to you! Barely my year and couple of months with this. Thank you, I’m 29 and I’m a simple guy, all I wanted in life was a family. The millionaires can keep their money. I just want to be humble and have a family! I really hope I can. I just hope I can find someone who will understand.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

If that's what you want you need to do it. She would understand!

Jher55

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I really do, it’s just the shame and guilt and embarrassment that comes from it. It’s so hard to even think it’s possible.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

This shame and guilt we do that to ourselves!! I'm sure that is the OCD making you feel that way!!

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

You will!! I'm so proud of you for talking about it!! That takes alot!! I couldn't do that till I turned 50!!

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

♥️♥️

Gato0z

Date posted: 23w

Any advice?

I feel completely unlovable. I have a difficult time getting close to people because of my OCD and I have to force myself to not compulsively seek reassurance. I feel like I’ll never find my person. I’m worried I’ll be an awful wife because of my inability to do anything. I want to show up for my partner, but I feel stuck because of my OCD. I think it’s safer to just be alone.

Princessandt...

Date posted: 21w

Finding love with POCD. Help!

So I’m really struggling to believe that anyone will want to be in a relationship with me and still love me when they find out about my pocd and intrusive thoughts. I am holding a belief no one can love me with this condition and they will be repulsed by me when they find out. I just don’t know how to shake that feeling and be brave enough to try and share with anyone I’m dating.

POCD

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

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