Anyone else experience this?

@BMAnon I’m so sorry you went through this as well but it does help to know I’m not alone. I always felt like I was the exception or Maby it’s not ocd and I’m just a bad person. It’s true that confessing only causes some relief but then my brain wants to dig and find anything else to feel bad about and remind myself that Maby I am a bad person. All it’s doing is causing harm in my relationship and I need to forgive myself for things I’ve done, said or thought. My partner has already forgiven me for the thing that happened and I need to let the tiny details go that don’t matter

@Peterson42 Thank you! Even if I know for sure the event happened? Like there’s a specific issue we had and he told me he already forgave me and he doesn’t need to know all the little details or thoughts I had but I still feel like I have to confess it or else I’m not being fully truthful. I hate how it makes me question myself and who I am and what I want. It’s at a point where it’s starting to effect the relationship because he hates every time I bring up the specific issue but I feel like we can’t move on unless I confess. It’s so draining..

@Coffeelover11 I can’t express how much I relate to this! I have real event ocd and I had a pattern of behavior that I immensely regret and I told my partner a lot of these things and they have been fine with it, but then my brain will find another memory to worry about immediately. My brain will also make up things that feel real so I will confess, even though all this stuff happened years ago. You’re not alone in this whatsoever trust me. I know how it feels to feel like you are not being entirely truthful, but even if that thing did happen you are not obligated to disclose it. I know the uncertainty is scary as hell but I promise that if you keep up the work of accepting that uncertainty and letting it sit there, you will feel so much better. I believe in you. Does your partner know you have ocd?

@Peterson42 That’s exactly what my brain likes to do. I’ll have a moment of relief then it’s like wait but what about this? Then I have to start the process all over again. My partner does know I have it and he’s very patient and understanding. I’ve been going on about the same situation for months now and it’s getting to a point where it’s taking a toll on him. Mostly because it’s something that caused damage to our relationship but it was a couple years ago and I’m just now obsessing over each action or thought i did and have to make sure I confess everything. It’s things at the time I didn’t think were bad or didn’t cross my mind how it would make him feel and also just not really caring I guess. But now that I’m older and thinking back I can’t believe how I acted and have so much regret. Then I get all the what ifs and start to really question myself. It honestly makes me feel like I’m insane

@Anonymous I never knew how many ppl actually struggle with this same thing I am going through. I felt so alone with all this. I like what your therapist said I will keep that in mind! It’s just hard when the mistake is something you have so much regret about. He already knows about it and forgave me but my brain loves to pick out any tiny detail like oh wait but you said this or did this or thought that and now I have to say something or else I’m not being fully truthful. It gets to the point to where I actually don’t know if what I lm thinking was true or if it’s becoming a false memory and I feel like I’m going crazy

@Coffeelover11 I feel the EXACT SAME WAY. But it helps to remind myself that you don’t have to say every single thought. If you remember it later on remind yourself I already told him that and he forgave me no need to add any details its in the past. You can regret something so so much and still not share the whole story with someone even if it involves them. OCD wants you to think you are a bad person for that but you are not. YOU decide what you share with others. You can have details and thoughts that you keep to yourself and there is nothing wrong with that. Hold onto the things you want to say and sit with them. Live with the uncertainty of not knowing what your partner would think about them. And then when you are ready let the details go- they are not important anymore! And it doesnt matter if they happened or not it means nothing about you in this moment. Move forward!

@Anonymous So well said ❤️

@BMAnon ❤️

@Anonymous Very well said! Thank you so much for that it was extremely helpful 🙏

@Coffeelover11 Im so glad!! Good luck!

@BMAnon I have a therapist but he doesn’t specialize in ocd. I’m just barley able to get out of my comfort zone and talk about these type of things I’ve struggled with. I just downloaded this app and I would like to find a ocd therapist

@Coffeelover11 I don’t cope very well. I have been struggling with being able to eat because the anxiety is so bad that comes with this and I have to confess to my partner and until I get that relief from him I’m unable to eat or enjoy doing anything. I pretty much isolate and stay in a “safe” place in case a trigger happens

@BMAnon When I have flare ups I reach out to my therapist (who I really only see as needed at this point) I have gone years without therapy in the past and only start it again as a refresher when I can’t do it on my own! 100% recommend an OCD therapist because regular talk therapy really doesn’t help. I try to be extra kind to myself when I’m in a flare up and rest a lot and journal what I’m feeling! Its soooo uncomfortable to get some support if you can :)

@Anonymous I’ve done some journaling and it does help but the only problem is I feel like I have to share it with my partner otherwise I’m not being fully truthful. He tells me I don’t have too and he doesn’t need to read what I write and sometimes I can let it go and I’ll burn the paper when I’m done but there’s been a couple times where I read it to him. I need to learn to be ok with myself and allow myself to have thoughts and feelings without sharing. The anxiety just gets so intense it pretty much takes control of who I am. I know it’s not sustainable to live like this but idk how to break free from if

@Anonymous Thank you! I think I definitely need a refresher and to also continue to work on this even when I’m feeling better. I think with flare ups in the past I’ve been scared to go back to therapy because I worry I’ll use it for reassurance but I think with the right therapist that won’t happen.