Feeling Lonely in University

Hello everyone. I am a non traditional student reaching the end of my bachelors degree. I am in an extremely demanding and difficult major that has caused me a lot of stress, trauma, and effected my self worth. Due to me being close to more than 8 years older than most of the students in my cohort, I have literally not made 1 friend during my 4 years of undergrad. Not even grabbed a quick coffee with 1 person my entire college career. Most people my age either hold masters degrees or have already established careers. But Ive also always had classes with and have worked directly alongside grad students similar to my age, even at my job. I’ve tried being very kind to people, paying attention to details they share, asking thoughtful questions, and many other tactics to try to build even 1 good connection with someone. But since returning to classes this fall, I have stopped going out of my way to engage with people. What few acquaintances I had, don’t even acknowledge me or even say hi to me now. My therapist’s says I should join clubs or organizations, except I simply don’t have time due to how time consuming and demanding my major is, especially since I’m in my final semester. It’s just been an extremely difficult 4 years and I never would’ve imagined what a toll this program would take on my mental and physical well being. I never thought I would walk away from college not having made even 1 friend. It makes me question everything about myself like am I actually awful to be around and I just don’t know it? I’ve never experienced isolation like this before so it makes going to university everyday extremely hard, especially because I pretty much regret picking my major. Has anyone ever experienced anything similar to this before? Is it simply my age? It makes me worried about getting a job and experiencing this cycle all over again. I’ve heard making friends as an adult is hard but I had no idea it would be this difficult. I’m just tired of feeling so lonely and not even having one person to struggle through this program with.

CooCoo4Cocoa...

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi Lavender:) I experienced the same the first two years of my bachelor's. My OCD would flare up and I would just want to quit and move back home to my safe place. Know that relationships will come in time (especially the real ones). Stay the course, trust the system, and know you'll find your tribe. My OCD would always want to connect with people and the lonelier I was, the more I'd push for connections and emotional intimacy. From my experience: get your rest, pursue hobbies and interests, and the good folks will come in time :) wishing you comfort during this hard growing period.

Estein818

Date posted: 1y ago

It will get better! You are ABSOLUTELY not the problem, you already sound like a sweet and cool person! I relate a lot with being insecure about being a bit older in college. I think a lot of people are mean and just don’t gravitate towards someone who’s a lot older than them when making friends. But I promise that once you’re out of there and have new experiences, friends will come in time from work or other places, you just need to ride the wave of life right now and better days are coming❤️

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 18w ago

I could really use some support

I’ve been trying my best with ERP and just everything that’s going on. I have severe OCD, GAD, PMDD, panic disorder, recently diagnosed ADHD, and currently experiencing a major depressive episode. Apparently. I was taking a break from this app but I really need support right now. My family is honestly really mean and not understanding of what I’m going through. Right now it’s gotten bad to the point I had to withdrawal from my last semester of university. My only support is my boyfriend and he’s now planning to join the military. I won’t be able to talk to him for 3 months and I feel really scared of being alone with all of this. I know I shouldn’t depend on him to begin with but right now I’m at an extremely low point and I feel like I won’t make it alone. There hasn’t been a single day we haven’t texted and talked in 4 years. I feel really scared, but I don’t want to hold him back. You guys, I feel so sad and terrified right now. I don’t want him to go, he’s all I have.

Jack03

Date posted: 14w ago

Is this OCD?

Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.

Hyades

Date posted: 13w ago

OCD Teaming Up With A Real Life Bad Experience.. Help?

So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.

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Feeling Lonely in University

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