ROCD: please help.

id love if someone could interact with me, stating their opinions on what i should do & if anyone has ever experienced this. i am in the most healthy, healing, loving, & spiritual relationship ever. i love him so much. we’ve been together officially a month in 2 days and i’ve known him for 6 weeks. my brain is telling me that i’ve terribly cheated on him because i had a brief conversation with someone on social media that i once found attractive. in the moment i had no intention to come off as flirty. it was a subconscious conversation like i’d have with anyone. i think because i have found her attractive that i’ve done something wrong. this person is still attractive and is my type but i’d never presue it. i’ve had a total of 2 very short conversations with this person. i’ve seen them one time in person for about 5 minutes. i do not know this person. when this happened about 2/3 weeks ago, my bf was actually right next to me, that’s how i know it wasn’t like i was trying to do something bad or inappropriate. this did not start bothering me until a week ago. i went a whole week without thinking about it and then all of the sudden my brain is now trying to convince me i did something wrong and that i’m a bad person. my brain is telling me that i should tell him what’s going on and possibly ruin the relationship. or it’s saying i should break up with him. it’s telling me i don’t deserve him. when i’m with him, the girl from social media keeps popping up in my head subconsciously. i’m not forcing this thought, it’s not me who’s thinking this. i feel like i’m fighting myself. none of these things are my reality. i feel as though i shouldn’t have even interacted with her but i can’t go back now. my thoughts are saying “well do you want to be with her. break up with your bf and be with her.” it’s trying to self sabotage. my other compulsion is to block her but that would be so out of pocket because nothing is going on. i keep asking myself how would it feel if it was vise versa & then i start to feel bad & believe that i actually did cheat. in the conversation with her, i made a joke about my bf. me and her both know it was a complete joke (just like girl talk) but if my bf read that, he’d be hurt/wouldn’t understand the joke. so much is going through my head and i cannot release this guilt. does anyone have advice? thank you so much for reading. anything is appreciated. i cant do this anymore.

Tajmcd10

Date posted: 1y

Knowing that there is someone else with the same situation just goes to show it’s OCD. I did tell him because I know exactly what ur feeling rn the need to “confess”… now outside of it you really shouldn’t because you didn’t do anything wrong. Think about it if ur friend was telling you this in the real world would you think it’s a big thing? The answer is NO. To us it seems so big and so horrible but to the outside world it’s nothing.

Raz222

Date posted: 1y

@Tajmcd10 thank you!! was your partner able to calm your nerves? did it help with the ruminating thoughts? i’ve talked to many people without ocd about this and yes to them it looks like nothing but to me, i keep thinking & going back in my head checking if i did have any bad intentions that i’m literally convincing myself that i did. i’m having a hard time differencing between what thoughts are real and which ones are false. does that make sense? it’s like i’m second guessing what to believe and who i am. me and my dad have come up with things to talk to my bf about to get it off of my chest since it is still ruminating in my mind. i want to be transparent with him because id expect that he’d do the same. me and him are very open about everything and i feel like i’m hiding something from him even though there may not be anything to hide so i feel like explaining the situation from a factual and logical standpoint will help relieve the anxiety because i know he’s going to think this is silly. i’m hoping these thoughts saying i’m a terrible person start to fade very soon because i can’t handle this anymore.

CarlaCroft1390

Date posted: 1y

Ok deep breath and hold it for a few seconds then breathe out like you want to let go of all of it! First of all: the past is the past, nothing you can do to change that. Now let’s dig up the real you: what are your values around faithfulness? Do you genuinely believe that having a brief conversation with someone that you know and that happens to be attractive is cause for concern? If yes, the deal is still in the past and you have no intention of repeating it so try your best to keep yourself in the present. If not, that’s it that’s not you so why bother? In both cases, I’d recommend focusing on the body. Try exercising, meditation, some kind of sport. That’s all I got I hope it helps :)

Raz222

Date posted: 1y

@CarlaCroft1390 thank you so much <3 the past is the past and i need to forgive myself for that, i just have a huge fear of hurting him and my brain is telling me i should self sabotage before i can actually hurt him.

Tajmcd10

Date posted: 1y

it’s OCD… same thing happened to me I was 3 months into dating I was at a party and I was talking to a guy with a group of people. I used to like this guy before I met my bf. When we were talking I couldn’t hear cause it was so loud so I leaned in maybe 1/2 an inch. Still far away from him the voice in my head said “you just kissed him” that started a crazy rollercoaster of wanting to confess that I “cheated” even though I didn’t but it sure convinced me. You have to think logically, am I a good person? Do I love this person? am I the type of person to cheat and the answer is no. OCD is scary because it can make you believe the craziest things and make u doubt urself so much. But you got this!

Raz222

Date posted: 1y

@Tajmcd10 thank you so much. that was super helpful and eased some anxiety. i appreciate you! did you ever end up telling your partner at the time? i love mine and i know i’m not the type of person to ever cheat and i do truly want to be with him.

Anonnnnnm

Date posted: 22w

Please help (ROCD)!

I have been battling ocd for over a year now and it likes to switch themes. Currently, it’s attacking my relationship with my girlfriend who I’ve been with since I was in high school over 10 years ago. It first began as an intense feeling that I have to leave or break up with her over dumb little things. Then it changed into a lot of guilt for having any thought about another girl. And the worse is feeling this intense guilt for past things I’ve done in the past while in this relationship. We were so young and I was teenager, but I often found myself watching porn, fantasizing about real other people in my life, and getting off to other girls that I may have known. When I was younger I didn’t think it was bad and that it was just a normal teen boy thing, but 10 years later I have so much guilt about it. And yes I’m with the same girl now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I know I love this girl and I’m ready to propose to her soon. Anyway, these past mistakes I did when I was younger make me feel like a cheater and I can’t stop ruminating about it. I feel like I have to admit every detail and person I’ve ever had a bad thought about. I feel like if I propose to her and don’t tell her everything, that I’m a lair and didn’t give her the full picture. And the other day one of the girls I thought was hot when I was younger, came up in convo and I just went downhill. Now she knows I deal with OCD and she is very supportive, I’ve told her before that I did some bad things, but never all the details. And that’s all my brain keeps telling me to do. I have so much tightness in my chest and just want to be able to breathe again. But everyone says to not admit or it’ll reinforce the cycle, I’m just not sure how everyone else does that. And at the same time, maybe I am a cheater and just simply a bad person. Idk! I never cheated physically or anything like that, but my past mistakes feel like I did. But again I may just be a bad person! Please if anyone has advice or is dealing with similar things, I’d appreciate the help!

Relationship OCD

Dalia H.

Date posted: 12w

Tired of constantly questioning intentions.

Despite the fact that I have never once acted flirtatiously with someone else over the course of my 3-year relationship, never talked to anyone inappropriately, never touched or interacted with anyone inappropriately, I have been battling constant ROCD obsessions centered around cheating ever since my partner and I got together. I am constantly worried about whether certain things are cheating: daydreaming about another person (already told my partner about this and he said it was okay and that he does it too), talking in a group chat with someone, sitting next to someone, speaking to them in person. I question my intentions. I worry that I cheated by wearing my hair a certain way in an attempt to look more attractive or by jokingly poking someone with a fake sword (despite doing it to other people too), looking through someone’s social media, etc. I have confessed so many ridiculous things to my partner and he’s always told me that none of them are cheating. I feel so guilty for being attracted to someone else, despite the fact that my partner said it was fine and normal. I have made a very very conscious effort to limit my interactions with this person. I never ever ever ever message them privately, I make an obsessive effort to NOT reply to their messages in a group server (constantly keeping track of the ratio of my replies to their messages compared to other people’s), to ignore them when I see them in person and hardly ever speak to them or initiate conversation with them. Yet I still feel like a disgusting dirty cheater who is hiding a big secret.

Marrkk22

Date posted: 10w

Real event cheating

So I’m 22 and have had ocd my entire life. I’m about to hit 1 year in my relationship. I’m extremely happy and haven’t really had any rocd problems. Which is great. So here’s the problem. About 4-5 months into my new relationship I was bored one night and couldn’t sleep. I must’ve doom scrolled TikTok and Reddit for hours that night. Until finally I randomly thought about going on an anonymous chat site. I use to do this all the time back during covid when I was stuck in the house So for what ever reason I made a fake girl name and instantly connected to some random dude. I thought it was funny and decided to troll alittle cause why not I guess I just wanted to pass the time. He asked me where i worked and I said a bar (obv I don’t ) and he said “wow u must get hit on a lot u must be hot” and said yeah i do and then I felt really weird about it. So I closed the site down. Fast forward to now I felt like I cheated on my gf by flirting with another guy. Even tho I don’t like guys. It was months ago so I can’t rmeebr exactly how the text went but it was along those words and the convo had to been less then 3 minutes. Now since then all I can think is maybe I wanted the texts to go further. Or what if I said something sexual? What if I liked it sexually? On top of that, it was just a really weird one off thing I did. I mean I have no idea why I pretended to be a hot girl working at a bar lol. I guess I was just trolling or curious idk. Either way it would be really hard to explain to my gf and I don’t really want to tell her. Butttt , since I feel like I cheated I feel awful like I’m horrible person. These last 4 days I keep reading reddit post about ppl cheating on chat rooms and I keep googling to see if I should tell my gf or not. I understand sitting with uncertainty but I need to know desperately if I did something wrong bc my gf deserves to know. But like I said if I told her what happened it such a weird situation that she may think something serious happened. Also I dealt with a porn addiction at the time and I’ve gotten a lot better. So far I’ve been 3 days clean of watching porn and don’t even have the need too. How ever I think the real reason why I feel like I cheated was my intentions altho I went on just joking around I feel like I was on there for something sexual. Which I’m glad I never shared any personal things , pictures or anything graphic and the convo was less then 3 minutes long based off a fake character

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