Worst I’ve ever been

Just need to vent. Yesterday I saw a post here that asked “why not” to OCD thoughts. I thought because it’s not right in Gods eye. But I began to spiral from there thinking that I’m a good person even if I don’t want to be and It makes me feel like I want to harm others just to prove I have free will. I have been in panic mode since because this feels so real. I have been praying for God to show me his goodness because I know that will make the thoughts go away but it feels like I’m not being sincere when asking. Why am I rejecting being a good person? I must have accepted the evil thoughts because I feel numb. But why am I in so much distress then?

Mauro 2.0

Date posted: 1y ago

I have struggled and still struggle with this issue. Sometimes I feel compelled to pray for forgiveness even though I’ve done nothing considered “bad”, just messed up thoughts that disrupt my tranquility. Overall though, I know that God knows my heart and my good intentions towards others. I strongly believe that God,the Creator understands my struggle for mental stability and knows us better than anyone. God is loving and all forgiving. God is more intelligent than obsessive compulsive disorder and can distinguish us from our uncomfortable thoughts that do not represent us, at all times. I still pray and trust God’s love and intelligence. I am not perfect, but I believe that I am a decent human being. Scrupulosity is part of the OCD struggle,not the easiest part, but It can get better. I hope this helps Thank you for sharing.

ElevenB

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

You're in distress because OCD is telling you that you're a bad person, and that you are rejecting being a good person. Make sure praying to God about this doesn't become a rumination. One of the advocates told me the other day her therapist actually told her how often she could pray in a day. And at one time my therapist limited me to 20 minutes a day. If you have a therapist maybe message about an ERP you can do.

JessiJess

Date posted: 1y ago

@Rhonda Byrd Thank you for the advice. My therapist told me to limit my praying to mornings and nights. I found myself constantly praying throughout the day so it is definitely a compulsion for me. It’s just so hard to let go off because I feel like it’s the only thing keeping me safe.

ElevenB

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@JessiJess I totally understand. I am the same way to a degree. I have to stop myself from praying sometimes. Right now I'm doing a hard ERP and yesterday I was crying and begging God to help me. But He is, by doing ERP. It seems He's going to walk with us through this but we have to go through it. Not around or over or under but through it.

ElevenB

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@JessiJess this might help. https://youtu.be/W70dKVvbNtc?feature=shared

JessiJess

Date posted: 1y ago

@Rhonda Byrd Thank you for sharing. I will watch. Did you experience something similar?

ElevenB

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@JessiJess Wednesday I had about an hour of peace then anxiety flooded back in. Yesterday I had the feeling of numbness feeling nothing. The video was sent to me by someone. It explains the "feelings or lack thereof" and what they mean.

ElevenB

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@JessiJess And you may be familiar with Mark Dejesus but he has walked the OCD journey. He understands because he has it. Bless his heart he had it back in the 1990's when there was hardly any resources. So now he helps others.

King silly

Date posted: 17w ago

Not seeking reassurance, just prayers

Lately my OCD has been very horrible, it’s been more convincing than ever to the point where I’m genuinely convinced that I like this stuff, when I get a thought, I’ll hear my intrusive thoughts go “oooh, I like that, I’d do that.” and I just don’t freak out nor feel bad, I just feel like I like it even more, and feel like I would do/act on it and like it, and the feeling is strong and it lingers forever? It genuinely feels like I do, and I’m just lying now, i can’t tell if I make these thoughts worse or anything All I remember mostly just being like confused sometimes when these thoughts happen, but since I’m getting strong emotions that I like it, my brain says that means I did and I’m worried about that being true because I don’t understand nor know It’s like I am resisting to like this stuff now, it’s even tougher now than it was before

Krome_da

Date posted: 8w ago

Pretty Tough Morning

So I’m not sure how many/if any of you are Christians, but I’m assuming this can still make sense to some of you. This morning has been rough. I’m constantly thinking, “am I saved? Have I never been saved and I’m tricking myself into thinking I am? When I’m listening to Christian music am I doing for the right reasons? Is it too late for me?”. Things I know the truthful answers to but yet I still think these thoughts. I don’t understand why. Why do I constantly think about these “what if”’s? My heart always feels so heavy and I feel as if I need to talk to God right then and there to make it stop and go away. But then am I talking to the Lord for the wrong reasons? And the cycle repeats. Thankfully, day one of my therapy is tonight and I’m hoping to find at least a little clarity on this stuff. I’ve had OCD for 7 years and I don’t even know how it works. Any advice?

Anonymous

Date posted: 4w ago

Religious OCD

Hey all. I need help. I am sitting on my bathroom floor freaking out and convinced that all my work towards getting better has gone out the window. I am so scared of the “bad guy” getting me all the time. I constantly feel like I have to prove to God that I don’t mean these awful feelings and thoughts that I have about the bad guy. I’ve had trouble sleeping tonight, going in and out of consciousness, all while dealing with bad thoughts going in and out of my head. Finally I woke up and am flooded with “you have so many thoughts and feeling that you let slide while you were trying to sleep. You had thoughts that you accepted the bad guy and you didn’t dispute them before you tried to move on. You have so much to answer for.” So now I’m sitting here in my bathroom floor hysterically crying and begging God to believe me when I say I don’t any of these thoughts or feelings… please someone help

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Worst I’ve ever been

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