- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Eddieu Love I am so sorry you are having such a hard time, I completely understand how infuriating and painful this is. But just because you have the thoughts does not mean they’re yours, they are called intrusive thoughts because they are invading you. The reality is that the choice is quite simplistic: if you do not want to be gay or bisexual then there is no reason to be forced to label yourself as such. I understand how this can seem impossible, but after exposing yourself to situations you are uncomfortable in you will be happy once again. It will just take a bit longer than what you want it to take. I wish you the best and know that you are strong and that we are all here for you!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I am so sorry hon that you are feeling this way! I have the same thoughts as you, in fact I am suffering a major relapse right now. But the good news is that I know you and I can beat this, I’ve done it once before and if I could do it I know you can as well! We simply have to be strong and not feed the demon. Once you stop seeking reassurance and constantly doing compulsions your mind will become clear and you can be confident again! It just will take time and practice.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I had an intrusive thought while peaking and it felt real. I am so fucking done with life right now. I still don't want anything with a man EVER, and the thoughts and images still disgust me to no end after doing that. I'm so ashamed. I guess I have to live with knowing I'm bisexual, even though I hate being it and I don't want to try anything with a dude ever. Fuck. Me. I hate this and I just want to be back to who I was before this shit. I just want to have a normal wife and a family, I want to be attracted to girls again, I want to be ME again. ? I want to fucking die I seriously want to vomit right now. ?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Noo! Stay strong! I felt this so much as I was reading it, I feel the say same. I envy those who are happy with a man and probably never question anything! I hate that I have to always question everything. Stay strong we’ll all get through it!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@MaeGreene Thank you so much. Backdoor spikes are the most traumatic thing I have ever experienced in my life honestly ? I'm starting to think that HOCD doesn't exist and that I am in the deepest depths of denial possible but I will try to hold on to hope.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you so much !! @MaeGreene I wish you luck in beating this! ?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w ago
I feel so sad, alone, scared and hopeless. Until two months ago there was not even the remote possibility of being anything other than heterosexual and now the idea that I could find out that I was lesbian or bisexual terrifies me to death. Everything was born from the fact that I didn't feel sexual desire towards my ex-boyfriend and I started to be afraid that it was because I was a lesbian... how can I be a lesbian or bisexual if everything was born from this? I would like to run away from myself and my head. I would really like to go back and go back to my life before. I can't take it anymore. I just want to live my life like before
- Date posted
- 16w ago
It feels like I’m lying to myself constantly and everyone. There feels like there is a weight on my heart from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep. I don’t want to be gay. Idk why it doesn’t register. Now everyone I see I have to see if I’m attracted to them. I see good looking men and I feel like I’m lying to myself that they are good looking, I see women and I see if im attracted to them. I look at everyone and I feel jealous. I want my fucking life back. But now my OCD (if this is even OCD) is telling me I was never happy and I was always suppressing my feelings of being gay. Why is this happening? Can OCD do this? I can’t enjoy anything ever.
- Date posted
- 9w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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