I want to beat ocd anxiety so I can be a better mom. This hinders my life so much… I’m struggling so hard tonight. I’m tears. Hate my thoughts. Can’t control my thoughts. They make me feel like an awful person.. I’m struggling so hard..
It's about your baby ? That has to be tough. I'm sorry.
@JamesMY It’s the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my entire life…
@Lexiileigh4 - I have it regarding my father who I am taking care of. He's not helpless, like a baby, but having to take care of him and having the thoughts is agonizing like what you're going through. L theanine and magnesium helps me. And maybe if you had help like from your mother or a siblings it might help, idk.
@JamesMY I have my fiancé but he doesn’t understand fully what I deal with. I was assaulted sexually at 16. I never struggled with thoughts like these until I had my daughter. Never. I have nieces and nephews and those thoughts never happened until I had her. It’s so hard. It’s so hard trying to keep my mind clear and still trying to help her at the same time because she needs me. I do have family support but it makes me feel so psycho
@Lexiileigh4 - Yeah I feel like a psycho when family supports me too. It's impossible for anyone to understand unless they have it. It's actually impossible to put into words. This is happening to you bc you know this baby is completely dependent on you. It's a massive responsibility. People with OCD tend to feel responsible for everything, including the well being of others. Can you do any sort of therapy? Even online? Maybe you can find a support group for new mothers with harm ocd.
@JamesMY I am currently in therapy. I love my therapist. I’ve been seeing her for 2.5 years. I’ve made so much progress but lately this last month or so, it has been so hard and a struggle. Easily once or twice a week I’m getting like this where I struggle and end up in tears feeling insane
@Lexiileigh4 - Are you on any medication? Every day.for a year I've had horrible problems, but this week for like 2 days I didn't have any issues.
@JamesMY I am not. I’ve been against medication this entire time. I did hit a wall like this where I got a prescription but I never ended up taking it.. I was too afraid of what it would do to me.
@Lexiileigh4 - Probably a good idea. I was on paxil for 16 years. It mostly did a good job but I still had compulsions and avoidance. And I still felt like an evil person. I quit it a year ago and am still suffering from epic withdrawal.
@JamesMY I don’t have compulsions. Just the thoughts is all.
@Lexiileigh4 - You sure you don't have compulsions? If you worry about the thouhts/ruminate that's a compulsion.
@JamesMY I only have the obsessive intrusive thoughts. I don’t have ticks or compulsions to act on it or make the thoughts go away to help me feel better. I usually try to meditate to help myself calm down.
Hey , I’m so sorry your struggling with intrusive thoughts . I will tell you it gets better .. try to stay with your thoughts .. maybe tell yourself maybe I will maybe I want in the moment . Remember everyone has intrusive thoughts .. someone with OCD attaches meaning to them . So the guilt , anxiety, anxioness is your brain in fight or flight mode because your telling yourself there is something to be in fear about . I have harm ocd , Gad , MDD , & ptsd & a lot of it is because of my childhood trauma .. I was raped , molested & abused by my own biological father for 8 years . It stopped when I was 13 & im 25 & I still years later cannot understand why meee … but it has made an amazing mother , a protective , hyper aware , patient , loving mother & I chose to tell ocd years ago it was not going to take what I cherished the most in the world away from me . You are strong . Reach out & get therapy it healed my heart , mind & soul 😊 & remember to always reach out in this wonderful community for help ❤️
@Kayla37 I am in therapy currently. I just can’t afford the ocd therapy. They don’t take my insurance and most of the doctors around me are extremely expensive and self paying. I can’t afford to go into debt to help myself 😔. I do have a therapist that takes my insurance but she doesn’t do ERP. I am trying to conquer it the best I can. It’s very hard. I was sexually assaulted when I was 16 and I’m sure there’s many of other times that I said no and things still happened when I was younger as well. I’m 27 currently and have been dealing with ocd episodes since I was 18. I never had the harm ocd sexual based until I had my daughter. It was never a thought for me. I am extremely hyper aware and I always put my child first no matter what. Which is why I get away from her when I’m like this and feeling overly anxious.
Does anyone just have absurd thoughts, and have such a hard time accepting them? OCD is tricky and how can I just accept this is how it is . I’m so tired of fighting myself. I have such a hard time accepting these awful thoughts about killing my daughter.
I have to be alone with my children tomorrow and I'm scared. Harm OCD has me panicking and ruminating. I don't want to hurt my babies they mean everything to me. I keep fighting for them, I got a better job for them and I want to create a better life for them. I'm so afraid that I might hurt them so I need to be away from them but I also don't want to be away from them. The thoughts and images are so much. I'd rather die before I hurt them. Accepting the uncertainty of possibly hurting them is not something I can accept or live with. And it doesn't help having existential ocd because that says none of it matters anyway. I just want to be the old me, I hate this disorder I hate this disease I hate me for having these thoughts. I'm sorry for ranting. I just need to get it out. I hate this worry disorder!
Please if someone can reply! I really just need someone to talk to. I don’t even know how to control my OCD. It honestly feels like it’s controlling me. Everyday my mind focuses on every bodily sensation I have and it’s like a broken record player, I have horrible health anxiety and my OCD just makes it worst just thinking about it everyday. It feels like everyone who I explain it to looks at me like I’m stupid/crazy. I use to be much more tame with my OCD, I use to eat things without worry, now I can’t even touch things I use to eat without worrying that I’ll get an allergic reaction (despite eating them BEFORE,,,but my mind tells me otherwise) and omg worrying about heart attacks, pulmonary issues..and I couldn’t even enjoy my own child’s birth because my mind was on high alert thinking I would hemorrhage any second or develop pre-E (complications of postpartum) I was miserable for the first couple of months of my baby’s life and I didn’t know what to do. And now, I’m pregnant with my second (4wks) and all the OCD thoughts and anxiety is coming back at me and I have no one to talk to, I feel lonely. And even if I considered taking a pill, I’d worry about being allergic to it and refusing to take it. I ruin everything for everyone. I remember I ate out one night and I started to think “you’re gonna pass out! You’re gonna pass out! (Without ever passing out before) and I had to leave! I feel like I ruin the mood for everyone when I don’t even try to, and I hate it.
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