- Date posted
- 1y
Don’t know what to do anymore
I’ve been struggling with Pocd/Harm Ocd/Real Event Ocd intensely for the last 3 months and I don’t know what to do anymore When it first started I felt so anxious all the time and so I got into counselling for it pretty quickly (although my counsellor wasn’t a specialist in OCD) but I recently got discharged because they believe my case is too severe. I’ve had to phone different crisis hotlines multiple times in the last few weeks and I’m severely considering suicide. I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone or anything and I know that’s why my thoughts hurt me so bad but my thoughts keep saying it’s just a matter of time before I act on them and I would rather die then act on them. My brain keeps telling me that I secretly like the thoughts and that if given the chance I’d act on them so I can’t even reassure myself by telling myself that I control my actions because my brain tells me that I would WANT to do it even though the thoughts feel like they’re killing me but it feels so real I’m scared to leave my house and I can’t even talk to my sister on FaceTime because she’s just had a baby and I keep getting intrusive thoughts about harm befalling her. I feel destroyed, my poor baby niece I love her so much and I haven’t even been able to look at a picture of her because I’m so scared I would rather be dead and everyone be safe then carry on like this. I’m not the same person I was a few months ago and it makes me so sad, I had so much love for everyone and was so excited to finally be finishing school and starting my life but now I just feel like a potential danger to everyone. I can’t find any specialists in the UK that are close to me and I’m currently unemployed and unable to pay for the NOCD counselling and I’m just really at the end of my wits I’m so sorry for being so sad on here but I guess I just wanted some words of encouragement or any advice on how to start feeling better or anything that you guys do to feel better when in times of distress - it would be much appreciated :D and sorry again if this is triggering I’m just so sad right now