One night drunk i believe I totally flipped out of character and turned evil and done something awful to a female when I was walking home drunk. I can’t get out of bed because of this. Is this OCD, please help people I’m at a worst spot I’ve ever been
Sounds like false memory ocd to me. Practice ERP and resist compulsions. That’s the ONLY thing your responsible for is not doing compulsions. I’ve experienced a similar situation as yours. But thru not doing compulsions. I now believe I’m okay and didn’t do the horrible thing I thought I might have.
@Brooklyn_99 I feel awful all the time. Hope I didn’t do it but I feel as though I may have, it’s horrible wouldn’t wish it on anyone
@Anonymous Are you a man?
You need to work on accepting the uncertainty. There's no way to know if you did something wrong or not. This could be false memory, or you could have acted inappropriately... no amount of reassurance anyone gives you will help you overcome this. Whether this is a real event, or a false memory, you can work on accepting that you'll never know either way. Thoughts are just thoughts, not facts. Doing ERP should help you resume function. I know it's scary and difficult to not know. Either way, you know that behaviour contradicts what you value and who you are.
@ReadyForImprovement Thanks for the comment it’s helping, it’s between going to the police station or death at the moment in my head I can’t carry on with the uncertainty
@Anonymous This might be reassurance but it’s also the truth. I’ve been drunk ALOT. You don’t do things that are against your morals. Your so strongly against SA. Of course ocd is gonna attack that. Even if you were plastard and horned up at the time. You wouldn’t assault someone. That’s not how being drunk works. Do your best to stop the compulsions. Interrupt them. Don’t allow yourself to worry over this. You’ll never find the answer. I feel for you for what your going thru rn. But you can overcome. I promise.
@Brooklyn_99 Thankyou brooklyn this is what I needed, however I felt like previously to this night I was making ‘mistakes’ with females when drunk but after speaking to my housemate they was normal and things that are part of growing up etc. however in my head I looked at them as mistakes I’m scared I flipped out and went all the way and done something very awful because of my previous ‘mistakes’
Hey, do your memories deal real? Did they slowly start to develop or where they like flashbacks?
@maria90 I struggle to distinguish between real or not if I’m honest
It might make you feel a little better, but when guys drink lots of alcohol it decrease their testosterone, which would maybe make it less likely that your false memory happened.
@maria90 Yes I’m a male, hopefully but I genuinely don’t know if I did, I had a scratch on me and a bruise on my knuckle so god knows I’m so scared
@Anonymous You might have fallen…. If it’s just one scratch then I don’t think it could be that
And if you were so drunk you blacked out, you probably couldn’t walk that well, let alone attack someone. And you would probably have scratches on you and bruises if something happened.
@maria90 Thankyou for the comments they have helped a little, hope your life is as free as possible without OCD taking over again thankyou it has helped me slightly just these comments thankyou
Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!
My mind is telling me I'm the only one who is dealing with something like this. Idk why I did my biggest BIGGEST fear. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. I feel alone. Felt so so wanted in the moment and SO real. Which I don't understand. Ugh. Could someone just give me some support?
I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔
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