DPDR, Existential OCD

lately i’ve just super aware of my existence and why we’re all here, how we all have a consciousness and just all the creatures & beings that exist on this planet & how precious life is, its a mixture of gratefulness but also scary at the same time because i feel too aware, and im not sure how long this will last. I feel alive but not alive. Im worried that i’ll spend the rest of my life contemplating or overthinking my existence instead of just enjoying it like i used to. I can’t even play with my dog anymore without thinking about how we’re both alive but different. I’m too mindful, and its crazy because mindfulness is normally a good thing but with this existential ocd it makes it uncomfortable.

Joe87

Date posted: 1y

What I am trying to do is tell myself that I am having these thoughts because I am a very self aware and spiritual person who has had a lot go in my life. OCD can also be a trauma response which is what I think it is with me. Are you a busy person? I stopped working 4 years ago when all of this started for me in the hope that talk therapy and sitting around most days ruminating all day would make me feel perfect when of course it hasnt and it's just played directly into ocds hands. I have started trying to be busy again like I used to be by going to the gym, going running, reading books that are not related to OCD. I find this is helping so I am also going to go back to work soon. It's extremely difficult to force myself out of bed or off the sofa because the OCD wants to keep me there and I also do a lot of physical compulsions bit when I forcd myself and do these things I do begin to feel better

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Joe87 its crazy because this started for me after being unemployed as well, i do think i could be a bit busier but its like the thoughts never stop haha

Joe87

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Do your thoughts cause you real discomfort? Do you do any complusions to try and neutralise them?

Joe87

Date posted: 1y

I totally get this. Every thought you have described I have had for around 4 years and still have. Some days more than others but most days a lot. Im a deep thinking, analytical and self critical person and always have been. Im beginning to think that everyone with OCD must be these things or become these things because I think these are key building blocks from which OCD manifests from and exists on aswell as some other things. Does any of that make sense? I think what triggered my OCD was them deep thinking building blocks combined with too much stress, greif and a controlling partner who expected too much from me. I then started talk therapy 4 years ago which just allowed me to overthink, ruminate and seek certainty witt a cou councellor out loud. I have no doubts this made me worse which is why most people say that talk therapy makes there OCD worse

RMO2023

Date posted: 1y

I can relate to this type of thinking. It's quite uncomfortable. I agree with you. I didn't know before that thus was OCD. Now that I know, it's been hard to trust my thinking again, but it's ok. As long as I trust in God.

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