Struggling not to give up

I have been ruminating on a thought about weather i cheated on a night out when i was drunk, i woke up on the morning and i had a thought/image of me kissing somebody in the club after thinking of what might i have done while drunk, this person in the thought has no face and no body just a little movie of me going into kiss someone, and doing such a thing while my girlfriend and her friends were in the club and its just so out of character for me as i obsess about cheating OCD all the time and worry if i ever do something immoral to our relationship all the time and i love my girlfriend very much. Ive just got to the point where i dont know how i could think up a false memory so quickly after the event and i dont know why i had the thought without even thinking about it really, which makes me think of it as more of a memory than a thought that i am believing to be true as how can OCD make me think of something so quickly and randomly? Im very close to letting this take control of me as im loosing more and more faith in myself as the days go on, please anyone that has gone through anything like this or have a similar experience could u let me know of your experiences because i feel like the only one

Oliviacono

Date posted: 2y

I have really bad cheating ocd in relationships too. It could even occur with just a simple interaction with another person. I’ll start making up occasions thinking i flirted with them, when in reality it was just a simple discussion. It happens when u do something that could go against ur morals. If you know you would never do such a thing, even when under the influence. Don’t, and i mean this, do not give into it. Don’t feed the thoughts, the more u think and obsess over it, the more the thoughts start to circulate and become more made up. You will convince yourself it happened when it never did. You’re not a bad person, it will consume u if you think so. As long as u know yourself, your intentions, know that this is all just apart of ur ocd, and it’ll pass the more u accept it, and confront it as what it is, not what’s made up

TDR 17

Date posted: 2y

@Oliviacono I just find it so hard not to believe in it when the image just came out or no where and i wasn’t thinking it like how can my brain just think of something like that? Its so hard not to give in when it feels so real, especially when i had an argument with my girlfriend that night it feels like its more likely because of the argument

TDR 17

Date posted: 2y

@TDR 17 Every girl i know of or look at pops up in my head saying it could be her and i want to ask them if it was and i cant get the fixation off them till i ask them

Oliviacono

Date posted: 2y

@TDR 17 That’s what started it for me. An argument with my boyfriend. I started feeling like since we were on bad terms everything I did was cheating. Even talking to my friends of opposite genders felt so morally wrong, but it was because i was on bad terms with my boy. It all feels so real, the mind is powerful, and can make up anything as long as u give it the chance too. Again, the more you feed the compulsions, the worse the ocd will get. Like constantly admitting to your girl what happens, or having the urge to text every girl u once knew and ask if it was them. That’s all feeding the compulsions. Accept the uncertainty, and try and move on the best u could. The more u do, the easier it is to look past it when the images pop up in ur mind

TDR 17

Date posted: 2y

@Oliviacono I went through a lot of reassurance seeking with it texting every girl i once knew and it just made it worse for me I wouldn’t recommend it at all but its so hard to accept the uncertainty with such a powerful image going through my head

.Anonymous

Date posted: 20w

ROCD/False Memory

I suffer with a constant worry of what if I’ve cheated. You name it I’ve thought I’ve done it. I’m quite flirty at nature and also insecure. Sometimes hand in hand I don’t think they balance each other out as the constant need for attention to validate myself can backfire. Although I have the best partner ever and she makes me feel nothing less than beautiful I still crave validation from others. That being said someone I used to work with left over half a year ago and when they worked at my current place of work we were very close. Text everyday, phone calls you name it. However looking back I was extra flirty as I wanted him to fancy me. I wanted the power to turn him down to make myself feel better. Awful I know. Now all I can think about is what if I’ve done something. What if I kissed him. What if I’ve slept with him etc. I’ve kept our whole conversations from the minute I got his personal number. I constantly search key words to see if my intrusive thoughts are real. I can except the uncertainty my therapist tells me about as if I have done the worst and cheated I would loose my partner and our 10 year relationship. I love her so much she is my life but I can’t stop thinking what if I’ve cheated. Does anyone else suffer with the same theme? If so how do you cope?

DannyO507

Date posted: 16w

I need help

So I have been struggling with the same theme of ocd for 4 months now. My ocd centers around past events/false memories that ocd skews to make seem bad or it twists my thoughts on what my intentions were. this is related to cheating or being weird while I have been in my amazing relationship. I have never cheated on my partner and never will and I believe it is wrong. But my ocd is telling me other wise. I love my partner so very much and I would never want to hurt him but my brain is getting to me. I was getting better. I was trying “maybe I did, maybe I didn’t”, I have been back on meds and in therapy and I stopped confessing random interactions from years/months ago about 1.5 weeks ago and it really helped. But now I woke up this morning and feel the pit in my stomach again. I feel extra critical and like why would you do this? What does this say about you? What was your intention with this? And I’m just stuck mentally reviewing and ruminating on everything you could imagine. I know my personality and I know in the moment maybe I did find them attractive but mainly I was just being nice or funny or even just a good friend, but looking back now I’m like “was it flirting?” “Why did I still snap this person” “why would I even talk to them” and stuff like that. I feel this intense sense of guilt. I have told my partner everything that I keep getting stuck on and he didn’t care, he said he understands or “that’s a little weird but it’s okay” and hasn’t missed a beat. He said eveything I’ve told him is normal and I’ve heard that from my friends too. I just really need help. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am so disappointed because I thought I was gonna be done with this, so why am I still so worried and caught up in this.

🧡🍁🎃

Date posted: 15w

Always wondering

Hey everyone I know I’ve mentioned this before but, I wanted to share again just in case if anyone new sees this. I deal with cheating ocd really bad, like I always have thoughts about the past and such and get worried about things. I know my morals and values and I know id never ever cheat, but my mind always loves to play the “What if” game. It really sucks. My boyfriend is the sweetest and a god sent to me and he is always there for me but ugh this ocd dealing with cheating and false memory/real events kills me, anyone else relate? I dont know how to put up with it anymore, Just today I remembered I had an old twitter account which is now X, but I remembered I deleted my account a long long time ago but ugh I used to be on twitter so much awhile ago and my ocd acted up and was like “You better go check to make sure you didn’t do anything.” And I remembered I sat with myself and said “I know my morals I would never do that to him.” And then my ocd was like “Are you sure? What if you did?” Etc and my anxiety is now so bad about it now :(

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Struggling not to give up

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