I’m taking suicide seriously

This is the first time I think of suicide like this, I’m so tired of OCD and DPDR, seeing everyone getting along together while I can’t even get in touch with my true self, I really miss my true self and I can’t handle things anymore, I’m so triggered, sensitive, and tired of everything, and the worst thing is that I’ve always kept my mental illness secret from others and always trying my best to not show it and fake a good mentality just so I don’t get labelled as “insane” , I’m so tired of trying to calm things down and the voices in my head won’t leave me alone, I’m seriously thinking that the only solution is to take my own life and it’s making me so sad that I had to go through this and think this way, my life is miserable

Username: lordicrilordicri

Date posted: 1y ago

You’re not insane, it’s just the OCD speaking. Something that has helped me to cope is the fact that you are aware that you’re thoughts are negative and don’t want them. Sooo many of us struggle and you’re thoughts do not define how you truly feel with this disorder. You got this!

Username: lyn lynlyn lyn

Date posted: 1y ago

@lordicri I actually know that my OCD thoughts don’t define me and that I’m not insane, I’m just so tired of having annoying unwanted thoughts, it’s draining, and I can’t open up about my illness to anyone cuz in my society there are many uncultured pywho believe that having mental illness means that you’re insane, so on top of battling with my OCD, I’m also putting on a mask to prove to people that I’m okay and not mentally ill

Username: lyn lynlyn lyn

Date posted: 1y ago

@lordicri + thank you for your help 🙏🏼💜

Username: OCDisHellOCDisHell

Date posted: 1y ago

A life with OCD is still a life worth living. I've struggled with OCD my entire life. I was diagnosed at 12 and I'm now 39. I've been where you have been and I can tell you it does get better. I will say I've never pretended nothing is wrong, this is a mistake, there is something wrong and you're hurting. You need to tell a loved one or a friend that youre hurting and need some help. You are not by any means insane, this is a disorder that affects communication in the brain and something that at its core you have no control over. With that said though, you can do things to manage your symptoms and seek help from medical professionals. I've been on SSRIs now for 21 years and they've helped me manage the unwanted thoughts and cope with the stress and anxiety. I tell people I have OCD and many ask me questions about it and I'll tell them my mind gets stuck like a transmission on a car that won't switch gears. I have repetitive thoughts that I at times I can't shake off. Every single person on earth is going through something and many times when I open up about my mental illness, others say oh yeah I have real bad anxiety or I suffer from depression. You're not alone. Hang in there.

Username: HoneybrainHoneybrain

Date posted: 1y ago

The pretending everything is fine and trying to look normal is so hard to stop but makes me feel so much worse. I totally have been where you have been. The shame is overpowering. Find a place in yourself even if it's in the past where you felt light or love or freedom or pride..for me it's art. Even just doodling not trying to make anything look good. But it gets me connected to a part of myself. And you don't have to connect to your true self all at once or completely, you can try just connecting to one little part.

Username: lyn lynlyn lyn

Date posted: 1y ago

@Honeybrain Yeah it’s so hard and draining, I know I’m not my OCD but I can’t help but feel shame about having to deal with it :( while people are having fun or living life even if it’s a hard working life, I’m here trying to shut down my mind for ages I actually study fine arts! So that was a great advice, it’s been ages since I’ve done an art piece that makes feel proud, maybe it will help me reconnect with my true self even just a little Thank you 🙏🏼💜

Username: KcyrKcyr

Date posted: 1y ago

I, like you, have become a professional at putting on the fake smile and acting like nothing is wrong. To the point i dont even know when im being real or fake anymore. But im tired of always being so negative. For years and years when people ask me how im doing i always have said that im not doing great. And i feel like im just such a debbie downer. So now i put a fake smile on and try my hardest to say im fine. It doesnt help me but i just dont know what to do anymore. But getting back to you. You are worth way more than you know. Please start giving yourself some kind of credit. We wake up every morning and have to deal with this crap. That part makes us strong. Because some people cant do that. Please stay strong and reach out to the people who understand you and wont think youre crazy

Username: marylilymarylily

Date posted: 1y ago

You know what it’s like to suffer. Maybe that will enable you to help someone else someday. Someone, many someones, might benefit from the empathy you can offer. Something good will happen in your life someday!—hang on🧡

Username: HoneybrainHoneybrain

Date posted: 1y ago

🧡🧡 of course! Reading your post helps me too since it helps to know we aren't alone in this! And I SO relate to "here trying to shut down my mind for ages" It's a full time job !

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

Hey y’all i need to know if someone relates to what I’m going through. I feel almost like if I wanted to act on my thoughts but I actually don’t because this doesn’t please me at all. So if someone told me “You have Harm OCD” I would be like “really? So I don’t wanna harm people? Neither am I capable?” I have no clue why would that be my answer when I haven’t desired anything. But somehow it makes me feel like I do, and consequently makes me feel like I’m in denial. So it feels like if an unconscious part of me wants to do it but I am just resisting. I literally can’t go anywhere, I don’t wanna live any second more, because I feel so disturbed all the time. I feel like I’m gonna end up doing it, I feel so overwhelmed by these feelings,thoughts, images, urges, that I would avoid everything, like going anywhere. I hate feeling like this but I feel like there’s no way back, i can’t picture myself being good in the future because I feel like “this is what i want” when it’s not. I feel like it’s a time bomb for me to do something. I do not tolerate this, every minute that passes by I feel it closer to happen. I feel like I’m gonna collapse and act on it. I don’t even know if that’s what I want, but I don’t think it is, I think it just feels like it. Help I don’t know what to do.

Harm OCD

Username: Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

POCD

Serious trigger warning here for POCD and suicide. I have these thoughts, urges, and feelings that are terrifying. I don’t act on them and I believe I would never act on them but it feels so real and horrible. I don’t know how this started and I want to believe I am a good person but I’m just so scared that I’m going to do something terrible. And even just these thoughts scare me to my core and make me think, “oh what if I am a pedophile” even though I know I’m not, and I don’t know how to deal with them. When I can keep myself busy it gets easier to forget this stuff, but if I have downtime I can’t get it out of my head. I had a young girl, most likely middle school age, come into my work with her parents today and I was terrified of the idea that I could be attracted to her. I don’t believe I truly am but my thoughts get so aggressive that I don’t even know what to believe. I avoid a lot of things but sometimes you don’t have the option to avoid and it just gets things further stuck in my head and I end up fixating on awful things. I wake up with this stuff floating around my mind and I can’t get it to go away. I’ve even considered just ending it to all to make it easier on myself and to make sure that I never have the opportunity to act on these horrible thoughts and feelings. I don’t ever want to do these things and I know it may sound ridiculous, but the consequences of these actions I haven’t committed scare me as well such as people no longer trusting or loving me, prison, hurting someone else in any way, not being a good person, etc. I just can’t find anything that helps fix this. I have broken down many times due to this issue and I feel like it’ll never go away. I know killing my sled is not the answer and I know I will never act on any of this but the thoughts and feelings are so aggressive that I live in an almost constant state of fear of my own mind and body. I hate this. What did I do to deserve to suffer this way? Why me? Why can’t I just be a normal person with normal human thoughts and why of all forms of OCD did it’s have to be this one? I don’t know what to do. Someone please help me fix this before I lose hope.

POCD

Username: Idktbh

Date posted: 1y ago

POCD

Im so drained , I haven’t been diagnosed I’m too scared to go to a doctor and I did tell my mum I think I had ocd and she laughed at me with disbelief because Im not a clean freak . My last option is suicide if I’m being honest I’m only 17 and I’m already having these uncomfortable thoughts that make me cry for hours . I can’t go on social media I can’t speak to my family I can’t be around kids , animals without having a fear of getting turned on or feeling stuff or thinking stuff . The thoughts get so believable idk if there real or fake . It makes me extremely uncomfortable “what if I like this feeling “ I have to constantly check myself my body if a video comes up of a kid . What happens if I don’t even have ocd and I’m just a pedo . I’ve been through a lot of stuff but this has been the most draining , depressing period of my life . I can’t eat , I’m starting to think I’m depressed again . I can’t sleep , I don’t know myself anymore . I’m scared of myself , my future , what happens if Im becoming one , since I’m so young . I don’t want to be here anymore I don’t deserve it . I don’t deserve to have friends I don’t deserve anything but to rot in my room . I don’t believe I can get help I don’t believe I can get better . I just want to be normal I’m so jealous of people that just think normally .

POCD

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