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Im no one to really have any answers but I can say my mom is a therapist and I have had some kinds of thoughts about hurting others including people I love and what my mother said(who went to college and has a masters degree in this medical feild) was that it is quite normal to have thoughts about harming others or anything, I don’t know if this is what you meant but I kind of understand if its what I think your talking about, you control your future and your life things can be fixed and become a learning experience <3 again no professional im 15 as of dec 1 but I have gone thru struggles <3

i felt this heavily- you’re not alone on this