I genuinely feel like not carrying on I feel different, I feel lost, about 11 months ago I walked home intoxicated and I have an urge that I done something awful to a female, nothings came of it but unless I find out I can’t see me ever moving on. Plz help
It’s all your OCD I promise! I’ve had false memory OCD and it’s convinced me I did all sorts of things but it’s not true and I’ve realized if I’m so afraid of these things happening there’s no way I’d do them. You are a good person I can tell I know it doesn’t feel that way but most people would have a thought about hurting another person and just would’ve not cared. But you are a good person so even thinking those thoughts or thinking you did that stresses you out a lot!
@Starfish Thankyou so much, it’s awful how our brains work, hope your doing well and enjoying life too🙌
I have a false memory as well that has lasted almost 5 years. I know how hard this is. And mine too was when I was drunk.
@Catlove9 Think it’s even worse with alcohol because of the fear of going away from your morals etc
@Catlove9 How do you know what’s false or what’s true because I feel so guilty
I don’t know what’s false and I don’t think we ever will, unfortunately. It’s gotten to the point for me where I think I’ve “found” evidence that proves it’s happened. And it freaks me out. I feel like I can’t enjoy life because I’m always worried I’ll inevitably get arrested.
@Catlove9 And me, I feel that if we’ve done it we’d own upto the crimes etc. because we don’t seem the type of people to go our whole life lying but that’s what it feels like
@Anonymous That’s how I feel. And I feel like I want to know for certain if I did something horrible so I could own up to it. It’s horrible.
@Catlove9 Glad we feel the same, what do you find helps yourself feel better so we can compare ?
@Anonymous I’m trying not to make myself feel better because I know now that’s a compulsion. Instead I’m trying as hard as I can to accept that I’ll never know and to sit with these awful feelings. It’s really, really hard.
@Catlove9 Oh okay maybe I should try accepting it then but the thought of going throughout my whole life and it could come up maybe any random day etc like these things with celebrities that come back up years later, ruin me because my thought pattern is what’s the point in creating a career or life etc.
@Anonymous I am right there with you. I think the same things. And then my therapist tells me “are you going to sit around and wait or live your life?” I mean I’d rather curl up in a ball and do nothing but I know that is not sustainable.
@Catlove9 Exactly my same thought process, glad we’re similar 🙌
@Catlove9 Hey I’m struggling awfully after my nap I just had because I try and think about what happened, then I believe it all the time I find sleeping really hard, my thing is that I’m scared I’ve done something under a bridge in a city to a female (think worst case scenario) I genuinely believe it now. And I don’t know what else is next
@Anonymous I go through this same exact thing where it feels like it really happened. And it’s so convincing. I know what you’re feeling. Try to lean into it. I know how hard that is. But try anyway. Accept that maybe it happened or maybe it didn’t. And again, I know how disgusting it feels.
@Catlove9 It’s awful, I genuinely believe that I commit this awful crime or I wanted to leading upto the night it makes me feel sick, I’ve made ‘mistakes’ with girls but told my housemate and he said it was part of growing up etc. however that was eating up at me aswell, I don’t know if this night was the final nail in the coffin in which I would be in prison
@Anonymous I know EXACTLY what you mean. Mine involved drinking. I blacked out. My boyfriend at the time told me nothing happened over and over but I never trusted him and I’m worried he made me hurt someone when I was blacked out. And it feels so real.
@Catlove9 We’re definitely in the same boat, i feel I change completely on alcohol into someone I hate that’s my worry too, I feel I messed my life up
@Anonymous How long ago did this “happen”?
@Catlove9 Coming upto a a year, it’s been hell and I feel like I’m rotting, how about yours ?
@Anonymous Mine has been 4.5 years. Don’t be like me! Treat this now!
@Catlove9 @Catlove9 Do you receive therapy at the moment? its one of the closest things to hell but living it’s definitely underestimated this condition
@Anonymous I do ERP but I feel like I’m doing something wrong because I still have problems with this theme.
@Catlove9 I don’t do anything I’m waiting for therapy as I’m on a waiting list, hopefully it’s OCD when I do mine because that’s a bigger fear is that it isn’t OCD and I actually did it
@Anonymous That’s just your OCD talking!
@Catlove9 Hopefully 🤞
@Anonymous How old are you? Have you dealt with this a while?
@Catlove9 21 from the uk and yes for a year but had other forms of OCD years ago but thought It went
@Anonymous I’m 35. I’m really glad you’re getting into therapy or at least are on the list. I can say without therapy, it doesn’t just magically go away. I wish I would have started at your age. In the meantime, there are some good books you can read that may help! One that helped me more than others is “Pure O OCD” by Chad LeJeune.
@Catlove9 Thankyou very much, you’ve definitely given me hope, what’s next for you at the moment work etc?
@Anonymous I work like crazy! So I try to focus on that. And dating someone new, which brings all sorts of OCD thoughts LOL. It can be a challenge living a “normal” life when all these horrible thoughts come!
@Catlove9 I couldn’t think of anything worse than going to work at the moment, I used to have a brilliant work ethic but I feel like what’s the point in living if this could come back up in years later etc
@Anonymous Try to look at it this way. Anything can happen at any time. We are fixated on these “what-ifs” but if you sit and think about it, there are so many what-ifs in life and we are honing in on these. Don’t let this one thought dictate how you live your life. I know exactly where you’re coming from though. It’s almost like you don’t want to be happy because as long as you aren’t happy, nothing bad will happen but as soon as you’re happy, it will all be over and you’ll be figured out.
@Catlove9 Yes 100% good point, I just want to own upto it all I just feel like it isn’t OCD and I genuinely made a mistake I genuinely feel I done something terrible I just don’t know what to do anymore
@Anonymous Ocd can convince us of anything.
@Catlove9 The more I think about it a couple of days after it I remember and I’m confident I was saying my life is changing forever after that night, I’m so scared.
@Catlove9 I really think it’s not OCD, everyone is telling me it is but I feel I committed a horrendous crime and that I wanted to do it too
@Anonymous I wish I could reassure you but that is only going to make it worse in the long run. I will say OCD can make us think we did unspeakable things or that we want to do those things. It can also make us doubt absolutely everything, even logic. You will never know for certain, unfortunately and that is the crux of OCD. You may be ruminating and asking for reassurance, which are both compulsions and will only cause the cycle to continue. I know it’s hard because I deal with it too, but try reducing compulsions. Even if you’re so scared, maybe cut out asking for reassurance for now. Think about it. Even when people are telling you it’s OCD, you’re doubting them and becoming more convinced of the opposite. It’s not serving you. Fight back against the OCD and say “I don’t need to know right now if xyz happened. I’m going to continue to do what I was doing.” I’m by no means an expert and I suffer with rumination and reassurance seeking as well. There are so many people on this site that have tackled exactly this. You can do this, too!!!
@Catlove9 Your a life saver, thanks for this I will try this in the future, you know I’m here for you too if you ever need anything in the future just ask 🙌
@Anonymous Thank you! Keep trying and when you get into therapy, lean in as hard as you can. Don’t wait as long as I did, because it doesn’t get any better without treatment. Learn from the rest of us!
@Catlove9 Definitely! Thanks for all the help too🙌
@Anonymous Any time! This whole community is here for you!
@Catlove9 Likewise
@Catlove9 Sorry but I’m just so scared, I feel like I wanted to hurt someone that night not in a fight but to a female in other ways I’m so scared
@Anonymous Don’t be sorry. This is what OCD does. It plays on your fears. It’s hard but you have to sit with the discomfort. I’m going through it too right now. And notice how you said “I feel like.” OCD is a feeling disorder. That’s why it’s so convincing.
@Catlove9 Yeah just don’t get it at all to be honest, maybe I was thinking about it before that night
@Anonymous Knowing your OCD brain, it’s possible. Intrusive thoughts come in all the time. “Normal” people can disregard but we treat them as if they mean something or have importance when they really don’t.
@Catlove9 I don’t know I’m confused and genuinely think I’m guilty just have that guilty feeling when you’ve done something bad or wrong, if I went under oath now in court I’d probs say I’m guilty, do you have kinda the same thoughts?
@Anonymous Yup! A LOT of people on this site have the same thoughts. It’s sk common with OCD.
@Catlove9 That’s put me at ease a little, thanku
@Anonymous Any time!
@Catlove9 I just feel like a criminal do u?
@Anonymous I think that’s how we all feel at times. But remember. It’s a “feeling” and feelings aren’t fact.
@Catlove9 Do you feel like that sometimes? I also struggle watching shows and movies about crime etc.
@Anonymous Absolutely I do. I think it’s a common one for us OCD’ers. I bet if you posed it to the community, you’d get others saying they feel that way.
@Catlove9 Yes that’s understandable, how u doing today?
@Anonymous Not so great but trying to hang in there!
@Catlove9 Did you get upto much today, your doing so well
@Anonymous Yah. I cleaned and then I’m going out. But the OCD follows me! We just have to keep going. Even though it’s uncomfortable and sucks horribly.
@Catlove9 Yes I totally agree, good job and enjoy the rest of your day!
@Anonymous Thank you! You too. Keep your head up. It will get better. We all have good and bad days. But you can get through this. It just adds a little flavor to life LOL.
OCD thrives on uncertainty and when we drink our memory becomes foggy, that's when OCD pounces. We can't piece together every second of the night and OCD fills in the rest with terrible thoughts. I know reassurance is not best for OCD but if you fear doing the things that your OCD is telling you, you did, then you're extremely unlikely to have done them. I like to believe that there is only a small subset of society capable of doing truly horrible things and those people just don't care if they did.
@OCDisHell It is, thankyou for this comment it means a lot and it’s helping. It makes us feel so unordinary and so horrible and what makes it worse is that I doubt if it’s OCD all the time
@Anonymous I say this alot but I'm not a doctor or therapist but I'm an expert at having OCD lol and in my opinion this is textbook OCD. We have constant doubt and a need to have 100% certainty in order to move forward, but the loop that is OCD is that there is no such thing as 100% certainty and peoples' brains without OCD accept that and move forward, our brains are stuck.
@OCDisHell I guessed that by your username lol, it’s horrible but we’re all in this together I guess, hope your living life the best you can and I hope that you yourself can see the positives in life 🙌
@Anonymous Thanks anonymous, same to you. God bless.
Why do I feel as though I should admit to it too?
MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ this happened 2 years ago after i was sexually assaulted, it started of an obsession for me where i was scared i would do the same thing and i was overthinking and kind of physical contact but this memory of feel like i did something wrong, my mum was coming to say goodnight to everyone and i think this was a compulsion and i put my hand spread out on the bed and i thought if she leans over she will see the hand and i remember thinking it will be okay and then i remember she leaned over and he r body actually touched my hand and i remember i froze and i don’t know why i didn’t move there was lots of thoughts racing and i thought if i was touching her private area she would of moved but she didn’t but im scared i did and i don’t know if it was just her stomach don’t know, but this has plagued me for so long i remember wanting to commit suicide after it happened and i couldn’t sleep the whole night and i was extremely distressed the the point of self harming my self, in the moment when it happened i completely froze i don’t know what happens but i know for a fact i wouldn’t of wanted to make my mum feel uncomfortable or anything and in the moment it’s like i blacked out i don’t really know it’s very difficult to explain but i told her which i know was a confession and i shouldn’t have but she said there was nothing wrong and she wouldn’t lie to me, and i remember telling her and she was completely unphased and even hugged me, but i feel absolutely broken i don’t know how i can heal from this or if i even deserve to
Intoxicated I believe I done a horrific crime (r*pe) to a lady walking by when I was walking home on my own, evidence starting to come alight to me more and more like I had a two cuts in my knuckles & a scram on my chest, I found underwear in my laundry basket with a stain in but don’t know if that’s from that night 80% positive it was, I use to have OCD as a teen but thought it went but all the mix of alcohol I’m unsure what to do next however nothings came of the night, what shall I do next?
I feel the right thing to do is own upto my rape memory/thought, It was when I was intoxicated and walking home on my own I feel I grabbed someone and committed an awful act on them. What shall I do
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