OCD has quickly ruined my life

As I grew older I really loved the person I had become. I was a loving caring person and felt like I had a good head on my shoulders. But one night I woke up in a panic attack out of no where and haven’t been the same since, I now have constant anxiety and have developed crippling harm OCD. I have intrusive thoughts and images that give me terrible anxiety. I don’t even feel like the same person I was a year ago, I’m sure it had caused me to have depression now. 6 months later I have done lots of research on how to handle OCD and it has helped a bit but I’m still so stuck. I just really want to feel and think like I used too. My OCD has made it hard to think like I used too and has numbed my emotions which makes me so sad. Had anyone else had Similiar experiences OCD? It really is like living in a nightmare and makes every day a struggle and fight to push forward. *It also makes me extra sad and frustrating becuase my life is exactly what I dreamed it would be like as a kid, it should be some of the happiest moments of my life and it just isn’t.

Mitch4

Date posted: 1y

I’d also like to add that OCD has changed for me where it sends intrusive emotions that cause me the most pain and anxiety, sends you a feeling as if you’d want to do it or want it to happen and it is so frustrating when you know deep down you don’t.

mari.201

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I know how you feel, like truly. I had graduated from a top university with no debt, I had a great job lined up, I have great family and friends. And I believed that life was just going to be amazing after graduation… well, that didn’t exactly happen. I continue to struggle with grappling how and why this happened and what it says about me. And I asked my mom and said something I think every OCD person might hate to hear but need to really understand and feel, “sometimes you don’t need understand and know why”. Another part of this journey, I think, is accepting what has happened and what’s part of our path in life. Everyone struggles. And as someone who is a perfectionist, you think everything needs to be perfect for you to live good life, but humans are messy. Our brains are so complicated, and we know so little about them. There is no point in trying to find answers. There is also no point in staying in the past and wishing to be there. I feel like that sometimes but I also like to reflect on the person I was and I see how much they struggled too with issues I have been finally able to confront. The beautiful part of any struggle is that we become more sympathetic towards others who struggle. I think that is so wonderful that we are able to understand someone’s pain and tell them that they are not alone.

Emma34

Date posted: 1y

This is exactly how I feel, although my theme is different I want so bad to go back to how I was before it hit me, minus all the grief I suffered. It’s like my sense of security is now gone. I feel like I am just floating around. You aren’t alone. My feelings are also numb which makes me think worse of myself.

Mitch4

Date posted: 1y

@Audrey/33 The only thing I can take away from OCD is it has truly shown me that I took my life for granted before I had it. I feel like if I can ever overcome it I will be a even better person and learn from the adversity and pain I’ve suffered. I just don’t know how to get to that point, I really hope you can find peace and overcome your theme.

Emma34

Date posted: 1y

@Mitch_98 Absolutely exactly how I feel, I could have written that myself. I took it all for granted. Even the rough moments were nothing compared to this. I hope we both recover soon and get back to how we want things to be but this time taking everything in and not taking it for granted. The day before everything flipped, I was at my favorite place in the city and enjoying it, I felt more happier than usual. I just want that back again.

drak4

Date posted: 1y

@Audrey/33 I also before major flare up was really happy in life. I was happy in carrier, was in vaccation in Italy, had real romance with great girl after a long time. I felt as on top of the world. Then OCD flare up came. But nowdays after year from flare up I am back again happy, more sober about positivity and pain in life, but therapy helped me to get back in life to piece. I still have a work before me and a long road, but feel better than months ago.

ortrist

Date posted: 1y

I also had a moment in class that changed my whole life, just one thought that lead to a panic attack and here I am 1 1/2 year later with constant anxiety, hang in there 😔

Emma34

Date posted: 1y

@ortrist Same here also, I had insomnia for 2 days straight and had the anxiety OCD since then and it was like 7 months ago.

Catlove9

Date posted: 1y

This is EXACTLY how my harm ocd started. I was having a panic attack and in the middle of the panic attack I had a random thought that I was going to hurt someone and that’s all it took. It latched onto that and that’s where I’ve been.

Mitch4

Date posted: 1y

@Catlove9 Ugh sorry to hear. It’s terrible, cause OCD takes what we fear the most *causing harm/being a bad person* and makes into something it’s not. Literally sends us thoughts/images and anxiety for no reason other than it thinks we’re in danger.

mental Warrior

Date posted: 24w

Who even is the person I was before OCD?!

The things that used to make me happy? The things that used to make me sad? I don't know how to connect with those anymore. I used to be happy just looking at the sunset and nature, I loved being present in the moment but now being present in the moment is scary because now I'm faced with my thoughts and new potential ones so I'd rather distract myself. I love kballads and I used to listen to them and just cry and be happy because they sound so beautiful but now I can't embrace these things that feel like beauty because I feel like the exact opposite. The only things I can enjoy are K-drama's! But I can't watch things with kids in it. So yah that's tricky! And the things that make me sad?! Well I used to be sad and terrified about loosing my loved ones but now it's a different kind of sad. I used to be sad because of miss them and all that but now I'm scared of facing now messed up my emotions have become. I'm scared of loosing someone I love and then not being able to feel sad because I'm just numb, or even worse...if it becomes something I'm okay with or what if OCD convinces me that I'm happy about it because honestly it would be weird moving around the world with such emotions. So not only has OCD made it hard for me to enjoy the good things but also hard for me to feel sad about the sad things or just to put it short...to experience emotions normally.

J.E

Date posted: 23w

Idk what to do at this point any tips help.

Hi I’m 17. My life since I was born has been full of exploring and tons and tons of hobbies. I have adhd. But about 1 year ago is when it kinda started or at least when I started to notice these thoughts and compulsions. I got in a relationship with my girlfriend. And about 2 weeks into that relationship my I started thinking “what if I don’t love her” and I didn’t even know that that’s what ocd was at the time and it ruined with gut wrenching anxiety for months. Then I started titling it as ocd. After we broke up I started to notice that my ocd was starting to flare up a lot. Like when I was snowboarding and normally when I was having the most fun is when I would ask myself things like “what if I hate this” “what if I’m not having fun” then I would try to feel if I was having fun. I would use chat gpt a lot to try and help it but it didn’t really help. I have lots of other ocd thoughts aswell but at the time this one really caused be anxiety and I just felt numb and I became not social. To this day I’m still not as social and I don’t feel like myself anymore. This is the opposite of who I was a year ago. Then I started questioning everything I do and people I love. So it feels like from the moment I wake up my mind just starts spiraling. I can’t seem to find peace or joy in anything anymore and I just feel like my life is going to continue like this and I’ll never be happy. I’ve accepted it at this point. I would love some help. I haven’t really told anyone I know so any tips would be appreciated. I’d be surprised if you even read this far haha. I’m also Christian and love to approach things from a Christian standpoint. I don’t want to sound like a baby who isn’t experiencing real ocd and it’s hard to put into words how much it affects me I just really hope yall understand and can help.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

Feel lost and without hope

I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.

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OCD has quickly ruined my life

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