Do I even have ocd?

I feel like I want to reach out and find answers. All my life I’ve had these little images of fake scenarios play out in my head while I live my life. I hate how they’re always disgusting thoughts like me constantly committing suicide or imagining the death of others “if something were to happen”. It’s always there that thought those images and I’ve just learned to accept them but then again why are they there? Last night I had somewhat of a breakdown, when I get anxious I scratch my scalp and it calms me down because it’s what my body wants to “feel”. But it just wasn’t doing it that literal and imaginary “itch” just wouldn’t leave. It drove me crazy from that I then got overwhelmed by my clothing, my sheets, the air? I just want that feeling or me having to do something so I “feel right” to go away. It’s suffocating and lately has been taking a huge toll on me. I do think me not understanding isn’t helping too.

dust

Date posted: 2y

Could very well be OCD. According to one OCD book, ‘intrusive thoughts are something everyone has.’ For those with OCD, it becomes something that they want to do “compulsions” with to neutralize bad feelings. Perhaps you’re in a cycle of placing undue value on your thoughts and feelings, and because you judge yourself for the fact that you still have intrusive thoughts despite the trying to accept them, you are still worried about it. When we’re stuck in having an obsessive view of ourselves, we place undue value on the thoughts we have. Sometimes we have to accept that human beings are not perfect and we don’t all have everything as well as we would like to. Accepting that is good. Having compassion for ourselves despite our imperfections is good. Not giving into our compulsions to do something in reaction to OCD (a disorder that catches you in a obsession compulsion loop that is not useful or helpful) is good. That last part seems to be a certain subtype of OCD, where you’re hyper aware of how your body feels. You are among other OCD sufferers here. How’s your day going today?

Aurora…

Date posted: 2y

@graydust My day today hasn’t been horrible so I’d say good? I’m catching up on word of miss because of me being distracted or not in the mood before the semester ends. I feel very blank but I usually do and just go with the flow and see where I end up. There’s this situation ship I’m in that has been on my mind a lot. I thought I liked this girl but lately I haven’t had any interest in perusing a relationship with her because I just don’t anymore? My feelings have fallen off and when I started to feel this way I communicated with her that I might not be ready but find it hard to tell her now that I’m not in a position for a relationship. I usually feel very numb to my feelings but I am extremely logically aware of what I feel and why? She just ended a friendship in some way and mentions how nobody ever stays so that also makes it hard for me to step back even though I’m not going to leave. I want her to be okay but I also don’t want to have that obligation feeling that I get of having to be the one that does that for her.

Aurora…

Date posted: 2y

Work I’ve missed*

dust

Date posted: 2y

@Aurora… Not easy when we’re plagued with the ability to think about things, when life has so many curveballs or issues. OCD makes that worse. Try to show yourself some extra compassion today.

Aurora…

Date posted: 2y

@graydust I’ll try. Thank you for listening, you really did help 🫶🏼

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