The guilt is too much, I made ‘mistakes’ with females before and now that one night is sticking out in my head that I done something so awful to a female (think worst case scenario) when I was walking home intoxicated, I’ve struggled with it for over a year and nothings helping . Please help
Try not to replay the memory as mental review is a compulsion. If you find yourself doing it, gently shrug it off and try to refocus your attention to whatever you were doing or you can pick something random to focus your attention like an item in a room
@A23 Thanks this comment I will use in the future thankyou so much 🙌
Is this false memory OCD or not?
@Joe87 I don’t know I have not had a diagnosis yet but had ocd as a kid, but thought it went. When I woke up the next day this huge amount of fear and guilt overcome and I haven’t been able to move on, I’m bed bound and on anti depressants
@Anonymous I know your pain I have been riddled with OCD for about 4 years now and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I've had so many days where I have thought i am never going to stop being able to do these compulsions and I am never going to be able to stop feeling like thid and I still have a lot of those days but remember no one ever asked for OCD and as far as I'm aware no one ever did anything to deserve OCD because in my opinion it is that bad. Try practising some self compassion and hold onto the faith that you can and will get through this
@Joe87 Thankyou for the comment, it is horrible and same with me wouldn’t wish it on anyone genuinely is awful
All I can say is that whether it's false memory OCD or not that you feel bad about whatever it is you have done or think you have done so firstly you're not a bad person or a pychopath because if you were then you wouldn't feel bad so that's the first bit of good news. Now of course without you disclosing what it is you have done or think you have done I can't say much else but if we arent talking about anything illegal and insteaf we are talking about cheating, being innaproriate towards women, using a woman for sex/one night stand then you need to forgive yourself for that and forgive yourself quick because let me tell you my friend that virtually every person that walks this planet has at some point has used or been out of order to the opposite sex especially when intoxicated. The next bit of good news is that most people are idiots when heavily intoxicated. I have over 15 years of binge drinking experience and being around binge drinkers so trust me when I say that. It sounds like you don't like who you are and what you do when you're heavily intoxicated so join the club with me on that. Perhaps you should look at controlling how much you drink when you do drink in order to stop getting that drunknand if that's not possible then maybe stop all together
@Joe87 Yes most definitely I feel my drinking got out of hand and was leading to mistakes and mistakes with females, this one night then walking home is causing me a massive problem where I think I’ve done the worst case scenario to a female and got away with it, that’s what’s causing all this and I’m scared I done it
so, i’ve talked here before about the discord community i used to be in. they were rpg servers, there were adults and minors both in the community, and while there were rules against NSFW, jokes were definitely still made and lines were crossed. i was 19 at the time, and though i’m fairly certain i never made and explicit sexual jokes or remarks, i was still there when others did. my best friend did make suggestive jokes, and i still laughed. i didn’t leave. i feel guilty and tainted and like this is the end of the line for me- i have a following and an online career, and it feels like all of that is going to go up in smoke, because i didn’t realize that being friends with young teens as an 18-19 year old could be weird, or risky. i feel like this is proof of every bad thing that i’ve worried i am. if i could be there, and be okay with all the things that were said and joked about and just ignore them, what else am i capable of? i love my life, and my family. i don’t want them to see me as a monster. my mom thinks i’m making a mountain out of a molehill, but i don’t know if i agree with her. i’ve looked at other cases of people who have been cancelled for being inappropriate around minors online, sending inappropriate photos or making jokes and their entire lives go up in smoke. Is that me? they’re labeled every horrible thing under the sun. did they just not think? I don’t know what i’ll do if people believe that about me. my worst fear feels like it’s coming to life before my eyes after lying dormant and tugging at the back of my mind for almost 4 years. I fought the urge to re-read old chats for that long, but i finally gave in, and while i still haven’t found anything i said or did that could be considered incriminating, i remember new things every time the last worry starts to settle. I tried to log back into old instagram accounts to check old chats there, and remembered i’d already deleted them in a panic, so now i’ll never know, and it feels like the fact that i felt guilty enough to delete the accounts at all is incriminating enough. I don’t think i can ever move past this. i don’t deserve to be here- i’m actually a monster, and i ruined my life before it even started.
I’ve done things in the past few years that I’m not proud of - only a couple of things I can think of and they didn’t directly hurt anyone at least with is relieving (but maybe indirectly they sort of did or could’ve which makes me hate myself because why did I do that… *how* could I do that…) If I could back and stop those things from happening, I would. I may not have thought about what I was doing at the time, so I didn’t really recognize that they weren’t okay, but that doesn’t excuse them, and I would smack some sense into my past self if I were able. I feel like if anyone knew what I‘ve done, they wouldn’t want anything to do with me. They’d write me off as worthless. And maybe they should to be honest. Now yet another thing has come up - I haven’t done anything, but I had an intrusive thought pop up that made me *think* about doing something and this would be unforgivable in my opinion. Though, to be honest, the things I’ve done before are also somewhat unforgivable in my opinion… 😞 Regardless, I don’t want to do it because I don’t think it’s okay, but I worry deep down that I do. Or that I’m looking for an excuse to make it okay to do. I don’t know, it’s complicated. And I’m upset I even thought about it. I wish I had never seen the thing that triggered that intrusive thought. Yet another thing I would stop if I could. I’ve tried to not think about it or focus on it, but it doesn’t work. Even if it goes away, it just comes back again. I just keep thinking about it and it’s overwhelming. Anyway all of the guilt of this is killing me. I feel like an irredeemably terrible person and it makes me want to give up. I can’t get on with life because it’s paralyzing. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and at this point, it feels like I don’t deserve to just move on. I can’t live with myself and I feel like I don’t deserve anything anymore. I know a lot of this is probably OCD, but I’m not sure all of it is and I don’t know what to do… if I spoke to a therapist about it, I don’t think I could bring myself to say what I’ve done or what thoughts I’ve had. But if I was told to move on by someone who didn’t know the truth, I would worry they wouldn’t really say that if they knew. Agh, it’s all just a mess 😞
i feel like i have been posting a lot about this and i will try to stop since now but i just don't know where to start or what to do, and i can't take therapy right now either. my event is about something that did actually happen; i had a boyfriend and we had a 1.5 age difference (i know this sounds stupid) but the thing is that we both started to sext a lot since he was 14 and i was 15. we shared audios videos pictures ect and i don't know how to just let this go, even when i know that i never really forced him into anything and i was always constantly worried about him being comfortable, when to stop and ect. the memories keep coming back to my mind and the guilt is eating me up slowly because i keep thinking that i'm a predator or a groomer or something like that. i don't know how to deal with the what ifs either, lately i haven't stopped thinking what if i sexually harassed or sexually exploited him or something like that. how do i deal with the cycle of guilt and constant what ifs if i also feel like my event is worse than others i've seen? please help me with this. it's getting a lil tiring and even if somedays i know how to deal with this, i still get really triggered sometimes. this wouldn't even bother me before, i wish i could just get back in time before this theme popped into my mind. my life has been a hell since then and i live constantly scared and suicidal.
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