Its done, i dont know if ive done something awful one night intoxicated, im looking for evidence all the time, looking on facebook etc, looking at any evidence possible but the crime i feel I committed would put me in prison and is awful, i just hope I haven’t done it.
Oh how I feel this, except I thought I cheated on my husband. I had no evidence and the girl I was with even stayed over at my house while my husband was out of town. She said NO ONE came back to the house but us two. ERP helped tremendously, it's been one year now and it rarely crosses my mind and when it does I don't argue with it. Get help!
@ChaWoellhof Thankyou very much, yours too sounded like it affected you a lot, mine has literally put me bed bound, I’m on a waiting list for therapy so hopefully soon but I never had an OCD diagnosis but definitely had it when I was younger
@Anonymous This was my actual first true experience where it effected me enough to be put in a mental health hospital. I've had OCD but nothing like this. Know you are SO not alone and therapy will get you so far! I'm one year past my experience and last week I had a new theme, it shallows you as a whole! Started ERP for my new episode yesterday. I will think of you! Oh btw, I had heard great things about a book (on Amazon) that has changed lives, Jonathan Grayson Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: A Personalized Recovery Program for Living with Uncertainty, Updated Edition. It's coming in today and I cannot wait to get my hands on it. Maybe something you can look in to meanwhile!
@ChaWoellhof Wow your a true inspiration too keep going through all this, habe you found anything else to help you cope with it? yes my theme is awful it’s when I walked home drunk and I’m so scared I’ve done something to a female sexually, it’s ruined me, I really need to know what’s going on etc. thankyou I will have a look into that book, thankyou for the recommendation 🙌
Really, just ERP. It is tough, it's hard to say it out loud, it's hard to write it, it's hard to confess it. Practicing a "script" (learn in therapy) is tough and you have difficulty understanding how this actually works...but it does, you just HAVE to do the work. I promise there is light ahead! Remember that you have morals. Probability over possibility. Also, your taught to learn to be okay being unsure, no matter how devastating the outcome or consequences might be. Maybe you did, maybe you didn't. You will literally NEVER KNOW! I know doesn't make it okay (not knowing), but you can't convict yourself of something you don't even know happened. You can't turn back time, and you can't predict the future. You have to learn to be ok with the unknown and ERP will teach you this! You'll get so sick of telling yourself the same story and you will learn, you literally just don't know, and it will get old.
@ChaWoellhof I can’t move on it’s literally impossible this thoughts or memories etc. are unspeakable it’s awful to what I may of done to a female I just hope it’s not true, I don’t see a future if I’m honest with all this, did you tell many friends or family? I told a few but it’s short term help them I just go around in circles
@Anonymous I of course told everyone in my path, hoping and looking for a response to make me feel better, womens to remind me of the person I really am. No one's advice fixes anything. The shame and guilt is unbearable and it's hard to look past what you think you were capable of. They say the worse the story, the more unlikely it is true. OCD is haunting! When is your appt.? Please do not do any harm, therapy I promise you will win!
@Anonymous Journaling helped some until I got into therapy. To look back, as I journaled, my story began to slightly change. My mind created new false memories, this also later justified my mind didn't know. Searching for 100% certainty was a long chase. To this day, I guess I'll never 100% know and it is what it is.
@ChaWoellhof Yes the shame is unbearable, I hope your life is being lived with as little as OCD interfering as possible, wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, my referral because I’m in the UK and going through the NHS is after Christmas so a long wait, I may try journaling if it has helped you hopefully there’s light for me.
Also, you're*
Only thing I can say is don’t look for evidence & stop trying to remember. It’s a slippery slope , especially if you were intoxicated the mixature of real and false details will really have you in a constant loop. Leave it alone:)
@LillyX @LillyX I’m so stuck I want to put it into a Facebook group chat to see what happened or if I did it, I also want to go to the police I feel that guilty and bad
so, i’ve talked here before about the discord community i used to be in. they were rpg servers, there were adults and minors both in the community, and while there were rules against NSFW, jokes were definitely still made and lines were crossed. i was 19 at the time, and though i’m fairly certain i never made and explicit sexual jokes or remarks, i was still there when others did. my best friend did make suggestive jokes, and i still laughed. i didn’t leave. i feel guilty and tainted and like this is the end of the line for me- i have a following and an online career, and it feels like all of that is going to go up in smoke, because i didn’t realize that being friends with young teens as an 18-19 year old could be weird, or risky. i feel like this is proof of every bad thing that i’ve worried i am. if i could be there, and be okay with all the things that were said and joked about and just ignore them, what else am i capable of? i love my life, and my family. i don’t want them to see me as a monster. my mom thinks i’m making a mountain out of a molehill, but i don’t know if i agree with her. i’ve looked at other cases of people who have been cancelled for being inappropriate around minors online, sending inappropriate photos or making jokes and their entire lives go up in smoke. Is that me? they’re labeled every horrible thing under the sun. did they just not think? I don’t know what i’ll do if people believe that about me. my worst fear feels like it’s coming to life before my eyes after lying dormant and tugging at the back of my mind for almost 4 years. I fought the urge to re-read old chats for that long, but i finally gave in, and while i still haven’t found anything i said or did that could be considered incriminating, i remember new things every time the last worry starts to settle. I tried to log back into old instagram accounts to check old chats there, and remembered i’d already deleted them in a panic, so now i’ll never know, and it feels like the fact that i felt guilty enough to delete the accounts at all is incriminating enough. I don’t think i can ever move past this. i don’t deserve to be here- i’m actually a monster, and i ruined my life before it even started.
I went out 2 years ago with some friends and I can’t remember some of the night - we went to a house party and my friends say nothing happened but I’m so afraid that I cheated on my partner and don’t remember it. It’s consuming my every minute and I can’t let it go. I was reading up on false memory ocd the other day and it triggered me into thinking what if something I imagined happening actually happened and I don’t know what to do and I’m scared that because I imagined something a certain way that if it wasn’t the same thing I imagined that it must be true
I feel so scared and gross and i keep replaying everything in my head for reassurance but everything feels blurry. I just need exact information, exact proof that I didn’t hurt someone.
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