By far the biggest trigger for my SOOCD is the idea that people realise their sexuality has changed later in life. If I hear examples of that, it instantly brings me dread and panic. Like, how could I get to 25, never had a second thought, then somehow a random thought pops in, 10 years of anxiety and fear. Kills me!
Yes I know exactly how you feel! I just posted on this topic too.
@đ« Itâs so hard. And I read bi/gay/whatever quite rightly sayïżŒ âitâs fluidâ etc. and I am absolutely for that. But I donât want that or if I do, it certainly doesnât feel that way. It just causes me a heap of anxiety and fear. Again - I just donât understand how someone could get to 25, not even consider it, have a thought that scared them, convinced itâs them now. It sucks :(
@gp Do you have a core fear behind it? For me, if my sexuality changed it would be breaking up with my fiance and losing him.
@gp Iâm gay and sexuality is not fluid. I do not believe that to be true whatsoever. However, it doesnât matter what I tell you because OCD will cause you perpetual doubt and fear, forever, about everything and anything. The solution isnât proving to yourself that your sexuality couldnât possibly change or dwelling on how you could possibly be doubting it after all these years, the solution is honestly to give up on certainty altogether, and just move onâ€ïž
@đ« I think mine is somewhat the same. My first intrusive thought when I was 25 was that âI feel nothingâ for my then partner. Literally the day before I was infatuated, as weâd only been together a few months. That led me down the path of obsessively trying to figure out why and how it happened. It was like something in my head said âyou feel nothing even though you want to, so you have to leave herâ. Loss of libido, attraction, drive for life, literally nothing else mattered. After obsessing for months, the next thought came in âyou must be gayâ. Then off to the races for years. Obviously with no libido, attraction and only anxiety and irrational thoughts, it really convinced me that I thought I was gay. This despite ever even considering it before. Like, I was never super driven by women, but Iâd never considered a man as a partner? Through years of ups and downs, I met my now wife. I was never infatuated with her, but our relationship was and become (and still is) so good. Like, sheâs my best friend and someone I can see myself with for the rest of my life. About two years into the relationship, I had another thought âyou are attracted to another girl more than herâ. That led to 12 months of horrible thoughts/feelings once again that I had to hurt her and break up. That seemingly cleared by itself for almost 2 years where I was just happy with our life. Then out of nowhere the thought âyou believe you are gayâ come back. And for the last 12 monthsâŠhere I am. Iâm not sure if the core fear is hurting her or losing her. My mind will use that as evidence that Iâm lying to myself or in denial only cos I donât want to hurt her. Itâs so confusing. Iâve never had any physical or mental pleasure (natural or otherwise) from thinking of a guy. Yet my mind canât stop trying to find evidence that I do. Or itâll do or bring up whatever it can to make me doubt it.
@gp It seems like your SO-OCD is like mine, an extension of ROCD. I'm also scared that the truth comes out and I'm secretly a lesbian, that it would mean hurting and lying to my partner.
@gp This video has been helpful https://youtu.be/bs62Rfxmhuc?si=m5aXh-GgdtG3z-WK
@Anonymous I have always thought this way from the first time I was introduced to sexuality. That you just naturally find whoever attractive and it just progresses at its own pace. Like - no surprises and it doesnât just change randomly? And then even if it did change, that it wouldnât do so when I was 25, no previous curiosity or interest, and off the back of an intrusive/out of nowhere thought that was âyou feel nothingâ for a partner. But as you rightly said - reassurance doesnât seem to work at all. Itâs like my brain will automatically just find reasons why ABC is or isnât true. Whatever leads to the most distress or the feared outcome. Itâs so confusing and heart wrenching
@Anonymous This comment just helped me so much. Thank you!
Hi! Yep for sure can relate. Classic ocd thought.
I was having a rough morning with this SOOCD subtype (I came on to this platform due to relationship ocd tho and it turned into this, classic) but this thread just helped me so much. Thank you all. Me and my friend always send each other âfunnyâ license plates and she sent me one that said âGai Boiâ and I thought surely this was a sign that I must be gay LOL I feel like Iâm losing my mind!
I've suffered with OCD for 50 years with many different themes. SOOCD is my primary theme, and no matter which theme I may be in the middle of it always comes back to SOOCD. I'm back in therapy because after a couple of really good years, I've been in the middle of a flare up. My new therapist with NOCD, recently asked me what my core fear about homosexuallity is. I can't seem to answer that. The only answer that I can come up with, is that it is just egotistic. I'm a heterosexual man who loves my wife and raised three great kids. My question is, have. any ofyou ever been able to answer that question. I would appreciate any thoughts on this question. Thank you and have a great day.
I feel like evryone is saying yeah the worst part is not knowing what my actual sexuality is however for me its like not that but more about being another sexuality and not being able to be with my bf because "my body and my truth are stronger then my will to stay with my bf". I also have the fear of SOOCD ending up being true or for example and more specifically liking it and never going back to men... I dont know if anyone relates to that, let me know!
Anyone who has had sexual orientation OCD since the âdating ageâ (middle school/high school)â how did you ever determine your sexuality? I donât want reassurance because I understand our experiences may be different. Iâm just curiousâ did you try boys and girls? Did you just find your person and know? I started having SOOCD at age 16 and Iâm now 28. OCD has ruined my ability to date more than anything else. I feel like it stole my chance at love. Iâve had three long-term situationships with men. I adored them but they were also toxic because I think I subconsciously didnât believe I deserved better. I felt that if I knew the relationship wouldnât work because of fundamental differences, at least it was okay that I couldnât fully be present in the relationship. Not sure if this makes sense, but Iâm just grieving that part of my life I missed out on.
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