Is there a point in recovery where you no longer care about your intrusive thoughts? The most annoying thing for me is I know I’m happy with my partner, I know I love him, I know I don’t want to be intimate with women. I just feel frustrated that I’m going to have this nagging thing for the rest of my life that stops me enjoying life.
I thought you were doing better! Keep practicing ERP!
@Anonymousesti I have been to be honest it’s just been nagging at me today a bit, I’m tired lol
Absolutely! At one point with my POCD I wasn't scared and I knew for sure that I don't want what my intrusive thoughts were telling me but I had them so often it was just annoying. And my biggest fear is that these thoughts will always haunt me, or that I will always be affected by them
@Pija How did you find out you don’t want them as the feeling of disgust is no longer present in my case and now it feels like I want it even tho im pretty sure i dont
@Anonymous I don't really know. I guess I just realized I wouldn't think about that for fun because these thoughts bothered me and I didn't want to be thinking them and the fact that they came out of nowhere. Also if you like a thought you don't think about it twice, you don't ruminate or seek reassurance or do any kind of compulsion, you just know that you like it
@Pija Yeah but my brain is so against me ,its like you like that but don’t accept it only because of societal pressure and that scares me what if thats true
@Anonymous I struggle with that too with mu other ocd subtypes. I used to use that fear from the thoughts as reassurance that I don't like them but that made me more stuck to be honest. I know everyone says to say 'maybe maybe not' and be in that uncertainty but that actually helps. You just have to believe it. You are okay right now and if something happens you'll deal with it then for now just focus in the present and the positive aspects of your life
@Pija Yeah but I want my attraction to girls back and sometimes it even feels like i could do the things i think but then again i can do anything its only what i choose to do
@Anonymous You are in control not your OCD or your thoughts. You are so much more than them. I'm sorry you're struggling. OCD is really difficult but I believe we can get through this! We can and we will get better!
@Pija Ty its nice to know someone had the same thoughts as me ocd can really feel so real
@Anonymous Mine says ur not straight and if I counter argue that I feel discomfort calling myself straight now. And then it makes me feel like I’m only doing this jus because of religion and society. Icl, islam doesn’t agree with homosexuality, I was against it to a sense that as long as I don’t deal w it idc. And I never ever wanted to be gay. Now it says stuff like”u seen girl stuff nkw try a guy” and if I call myself straight it jus gives me discomfort. Idk what trick this is but I’ve had enough
@Pija Thank you, I’m trying the tactic of not paying them much attention letting them be, but it’s hard when you don’t like a thought isn’t it
@TBdiz It's so difficult. Especially for me when things are out of my control like illnesses etc. Somehow we have to accept uncertainty
@Pija Yeah I had a bouts of health ocd where in adamant there is something wrong with me, the SOOCD is very personal to me, I guess now as I’m engaged and have bought a house with my fiancé I gathered it would go once I met the right man, and it hasn’t which is disappointing for me.
@TBdiz I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I hope one day these thoughts don't affect you anymore! You can di this!
Fred Penzel has one great piece of advice for Pure O people - "if you want to think about something less, think about it more". Imaginal exposures help in that regard.
@Anarch_Stirner I feel like it’s all I think about, i feel like I make myself think of it. I’m trying to lean into it more and I’m a lot better than I was a few weeks ago. I’m sleeping, eating and going to work. I have good moment where’s in like this is ridiculous then I have other moments like “what if” bazar 😂
I would also recommend, "I think it moved" - an article on ocdonline website.
What makes you think you won't enjoy life?
@Anarch_Stirner Because of constant doubt
There's an article somewhere that I read that talks about why not to debate/argue with/try to outlogic your ocd. If you do that, you'll get stuck in an ocd netherworld and will keep ruminating for days/weeks.
So my whole life I’ve been heterosexual. I have got hocd so I worry I’m a lesbian when I have no reason to worry about it because im straight ( not that my ocd likes to think that tho lol! ). But there’s this thought I have, How do I know I’m 100% straight if I haven’t tried sleeping with a girl? Bear in mind I’ve NEVER WANTED TO and DONT want too. Hence why it is an INTRUSIVE thought. But the thought is so uncomfortable- I can’t seem to shift it. But i do see that THIS IS OCD & wanting to know for certain. Thats the definition of OCD. I do know that but it’s tough with the stupid doubts!!! Do you guys just live with the unknown / uncertainty. I’m so happy and love my boyfriend and only want to be with him etc. Let me say again, I DONT want to sleep with a girl nor have I ever fantasized about it. But why does ocd want 100% certainty.. I just wanna not have that weird niggling thought.
I’ve tried accepting the uncertainty, I’ve accepted I may be gay, bi or still straight. I’ve tried doing ERP myself to the best I can. When I accept that I’m gay or bi why doesn’t my head agree and move on? Why does it still question it? I know I don’t want to be at all. I love my family. But I just want this to move on. I want to enjoy life. Why can’t I find women attractive again? (Brief moments I do). I seriously don’t understand the false attraction? I’ve tried agreeing with it but it won’t let this drop. Why am I attracted to the same sex? Why am I attracted to people I would never thought of looking at? Why does it give me such grief about this? I know I shouldn’t look at adult content but why can I only feel good watching either lesbian or females? I tried to agree with the gay but it makes me sick and horrendous I even considered this? I just want my life back.
So I’ve noticed that my OCD has calmed down, I’m getting less intrusive thoughts but I feel more uncertain than ever. Is this normal for recovery?
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