Is it normal to feel like a liar or that you are in denial, even though you have confessed and gotten reassurance? I know that I have shared everything to therapists and family and friends but it still feels like I’m hiding something or living a double life. Is this normal?
Yup. My brain will legit say things like, “you know you wanna try this, you just need to build the courage to do it. You’re not scared because of OCD, youre just scared of getting caught and going to jail.” Then I’ll start examining if this is true and I get scared and boom, I end up realizing I’ve fallen into its trap but it’s too late because by then I’m frozen in fear and thinking that I deserve to die.
@Liam45 Thank you, I relate to this so much!
yep!! i feel like i’m tricking myself and other people into thinking im a good person when really i’m a terrible person even though i know i’m a good person. it’s so annoying!!
@ocdishorrible.x. Thank you!
Completely normal and entirely relatable, I used to constantly fear that I was lying somehow and no matter how much I tried to be truthful I was still lying even if I believed what I was saying to be true You’re not a liar but you “feel” like one - which is what OCD is trying to scare you with, which is understandable because feeling like a liar or in denial is scary! The only way to stop feeling like this is to agree with it and stop confessing and looking for reassurance because as you’ve probably found - it doesn’t work You need to get into a habit of saying “yeah maybe I’m lying” or “maybe I’m hiding something and I’m not sure” which is super scary at first but trust me when I say after I lost the fear of being a liar and being in denial I realised that it was once again (as it almost always is) just OCD trying to scare me
@LJP05 Thank you!
I tell people my situation, they say it's nothing big or it's fine, I was a teenager. I still feel awful, magically thinking that the persons going to change their mind and expose me to the world that I'm an awful person even though they said I had no affect on them whatsoever. I feel guilty to admit I've shared it with numerous people, whether a little older or the same age, never younger because I feel uncomfortable talking to younger people. Still, everyone says I did nothing wrong and there's nothing to worry about, but I'm more concerned about the fact I feel like I truly did something horrible, I feel like what if someone's enabling my actions, even though they say they're being honest. I feel awful, and I know I have to sit with discomfort and all that bad stuff, but truly I feel disgusting. I've isolated myself for weeks, and I just don't want to hurt the other person, it's made me question my own intentions too. Does anyone else feel this way? I just feel like my mistakes are worse than anyone else on this app or in the world.
I don't feel like my real event ocd is actually normal. people don't just make mistakes or do stuff like that as a child. and I feel guilty and shameful because it's awful. how is that ocd and not just terrible and criminal. and the fact that I can't remember if I actually did something just as bad or something similar when I got older is insane. like why would I have done it again if I'm not a bad person? it feels like i might actually remember it and there's no way of knowing. it's gross and disgusting and criminal!!! how would I ever tell a therapist about those actions and expect them to not be weired out, concerned, and inclined to tell me same things that I'm thinking which is that I shouldn't be alive or I belong locked up for what I did. having ocd doesn't excuse my past mistakes, child or not. especially when I'm unsure if something happened again when I was an older teen and would have known better. and how do I live on and the people in my life don't know these mistakes. they wouldn't want to know me if they knew what I did so am I lying to them by omitting the awful things about myself??
I don’t know how to stop confessing. It’s driving me insane. I confess every little thing to my boyfriend. I confessed that I liked attention (this is so obviously human), that I liked it when people found me pretty (also very human??) I confessed about a million other things and I feel out of control. I felt so safe with him last night that it just started pouring out of me. I felt guilty and awful and I just needed release, I couldn’t breathe I felt like I was dying. I’m stuck in a confessing loop and I know I’m only making things worse. Has anyone experienced this and been able to overcome it? It feels absolutely horrible and impossible. I tried to ERP this and I genuinely feel like I am suffocating if I hold off. I feel so disappointed in myself, but I can’t seem to stop. I even had a dream where I confessed to him and woke up needed to confess that. I’m scared I’ll start sharing my worst intrusive thoughts I’ve had if I feel too safe around my bf. Help please :(
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