Is it normal to feel like a liar or that you are in denial, even though you have confessed and gotten reassurance? I know that I have shared everything to therapists and family and friends but it still feels like I’m hiding something or living a double life. Is this normal?
Yup. My brain will legit say things like, “you know you wanna try this, you just need to build the courage to do it. You’re not scared because of OCD, youre just scared of getting caught and going to jail.” Then I’ll start examining if this is true and I get scared and boom, I end up realizing I’ve fallen into its trap but it’s too late because by then I’m frozen in fear and thinking that I deserve to die.
@Liam45 Thank you, I relate to this so much!
yep!! i feel like i’m tricking myself and other people into thinking im a good person when really i’m a terrible person even though i know i’m a good person. it’s so annoying!!
@ocdishorrible.x. Thank you!
Completely normal and entirely relatable, I used to constantly fear that I was lying somehow and no matter how much I tried to be truthful I was still lying even if I believed what I was saying to be true You’re not a liar but you “feel” like one - which is what OCD is trying to scare you with, which is understandable because feeling like a liar or in denial is scary! The only way to stop feeling like this is to agree with it and stop confessing and looking for reassurance because as you’ve probably found - it doesn’t work You need to get into a habit of saying “yeah maybe I’m lying” or “maybe I’m hiding something and I’m not sure” which is super scary at first but trust me when I say after I lost the fear of being a liar and being in denial I realised that it was once again (as it almost always is) just OCD trying to scare me
@LJP05 Thank you!
One fun thing about what I’ve experienced is that even if I go to people for reassurance, more often than not it doesn’t help and makes things worse. I see how from an outside perspective it looks like denial and the moment I open my mouth to talk about it the instant thought is “you’re faking it, you know it’s true and you’re faking it”. And it’s great when people say maybe you are this or that like it’s no big deal, …but it is? And then again it’s like maybe they see something I don’t?
Feel guilty for not giving into compulsions like rumination and confessing? I feel guilt for having an intrusive thought, trying to shrug it off or just giving it a few seconds of thought and moving along. This sounds like improvement but I still struggle with the anxiety and the guilt. The shame. I’ll be okay and then I’ll remember I have OCD and my stomach will drop and I just want to curl up and cry.
I don’t know how to stop confessing. It’s driving me insane. I confess every little thing to my boyfriend. I confessed that I liked attention (this is so obviously human), that I liked it when people found me pretty (also very human??) I confessed about a million other things and I feel out of control. I felt so safe with him last night that it just started pouring out of me. I felt guilty and awful and I just needed release, I couldn’t breathe I felt like I was dying. I’m stuck in a confessing loop and I know I’m only making things worse. Has anyone experienced this and been able to overcome it? It feels absolutely horrible and impossible. I tried to ERP this and I genuinely feel like I am suffocating if I hold off. I feel so disappointed in myself, but I can’t seem to stop. I even had a dream where I confessed to him and woke up needed to confess that. I’m scared I’ll start sharing my worst intrusive thoughts I’ve had if I feel too safe around my bf. Help please :(
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