Why

I’m not sure if the trigger warning is needed, but this definitely triggered my Pocd and I don’t want anyone else to have the day I’ve had. Today I told my therapist that I have Pocd. I made the mistake of waiting till the end of our session out of fear, and because it was a phone call she had to go. She reacted shocked, kind of strange and then I hung up. I basically wrote an informative essay for her because I didn’t want to journal about my actual intrusive thoughts, or about what I think about. I thought if I wrote about how it is common and other people also have this type of ocd she would understand a bit better. Instead, I was met with “I’m concerned about this” “have you ever acted on these thoughts, or come close to acting with these thoughts” and “you may need to see someone else who specializes in this.” So, I’m left with the feeling that I’m a monster, because if she thinks I could act on this I must be. I’ve lived not telling anyone about it for years, and I’ve struggled finding a therapist I like, and finally when I find someone who I really trust and think I can talk to about this, she leaves me feeling terrible. I’m so tired of living with Pocd. I’m so tired of having the worst intrusive thoughts and having to do compulsions every single day. Im tired of feeling like if I tell anyone why I need help I’m going to go to jail. I just wish that this was easier.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 1y

Comment deleted by user

Jilibean

Date posted: 1y

@bxygenius She is not. I got with her when a little bit after I found out what it was and it wasn’t too bad then. Now it’s way worse and I think I should get a new therapist but am kind of scared to leave because I have been working with her for so long

Hospital2023

Date posted: 1y

I've been dealing with these thoughts for 5 years... They started small and now they're so big I feel like I'm drowning. I know the struggle. I know the constant worry and paranoia. I know the guilt and feeling like a monster. I'm not sure what to do about them. Just know you're not alone, and i believe we can pull through. We have to believe we can get better. I hear they stop as quick as they started. I'm still waiting on that. That's what keeps me going. I hope one day they stop for you! And the fear and self judgement subside.

Harveygneil

Date posted: 1y

I wonder worry about it I had the same thing when I went to see my doctor he did not understand and was concerned which sent me into a panic you will get this from time to time if people don’t understand OCD just remember it’s OCD and you are not your thoughts you will get better trust me, you need to see a OCD specialist and in person

njt

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I had this exact same experience. I saw a therapist for a long time who didn’t understand and had the same reaction. It made me feel a lot worse. I felt like I couldn’t be fully open with them. Now I have a therapist through NOCD and they understand completely. I have no worry of being completely open with them. Trust me - It’s worth getting a therapist that specializes in OCD

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

Duke2020!

Date posted: 11w

Help

This is really ruining me and I’m at the lowest point of this. I’m not suicidal or anything and I’m not depressed but I can’t bear with this anymore. POCD is the worst ocd I’ve ever dealt with and I’m too scared to tell a therapist about this. What do I do

1231234

Date posted: 10w

Tips for someone starting out with Therapy?

I’m on track to getting my diagnosis and i’m already questioning it. Pocd feels so real, and even though i once saw someone say “it has to feel real or you wouldn’t worry” which is like god level reassurance honestly, it hurts. I can’t look at children, they deserve better. My usual attraction seems to be gone and i can not think about anything else. At the same time i don’t really feel anxiety. I’m scared i don’t feel bad enough, if i just smiled maybe i honestly wouldn’t feel bad? I don’t have many other ocd symptoms either, except for some stuff when i was a kid and like questioning everything about myself. I’m clinging to the hope that this is Pocd instead of me being a Monster and at the same time i’m so sad that i have to go trough this. I don’t like myself but i’m sorry for my younger self. I just want to be held and be told that everything will be okay but how can i know? Even then i feel like comfort of that kind only really applies to others who are struggling and aren’t horrible like me. In so many ways i sm convinced i am a monster even though it might be a bit irrational. Maybe i’m a monster after all and then i should really get away from everyone i love. They deserve better :( After a lifetime of struggles (nothing super serious) i’m just getting started with therapy and i’m so.. scared. What if it won’t help? What if it turns out i’m the bad person i fear to be. Is there any way i can prepare or some tips or literally anything else? I would appreciate any wise words

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