Help

@Readytorecover I’m really glad that you get it. But actually no most of my friends are in relationships. But before I met my current bf I got lots of attention and I felt the drama was really stimulating. I’ve delt with depression most of my life and the thing I could always look forward to was being attractive and getting attention. I know this sounds awful but I just don’t want to lie.

@Formerlyanonymous Nope, doesn’t sound bad bc it is exactly how I felt. I was the same way in and a bit after college (graduated in ‘13). My therapist said this: couples who claim to be “so in love,” after some time are generally the most toxic. As they fight and make up constantly, causing the initial high they had when they met every time they make up. Couples who say they are bored are generally in a healthy relationship. So you aren’t chasing toxicity, because you’re in a healthy relationship, you’re just craving that high you got from the initial attraction. (It’s why many people cheat). If this is a thought you are continuously hyper focused on, then it’s 100% ROCD, not your demons. So what do you do? Let me start by saying the grass is absolutely NOT always greener. As someone who has also battled depressive episodes, and made the poor decision to chase the high instead, I can tell you that the high is fleeting and you’ll be miserable that you let go of someone worth growing with. Luckily, I came to my senses and we worked it out and are now married. In my opinion and experience, this comes down to ✨acceptance✨. A piece of you isn’t missing, we all love attention in one way or another! It’s just a thought your ROCD is clinging to. “What if I feel like this forever?” “What if I’ll never feel fully invested?” “What if I resent my bf?” “What if I am just meant to be single?” Unfortunately, these are questions that can’t be answered. And that’s why OCD is a huge twat. If it comes down to spicing things up in the bedroom so the relationship doesn’t feel as boring..like role playing, costumes, positions, whatever, lean in!! Or go on a weekend trip together. If you want to be admired, go dancing with your gfs. But know your boundaries. Don’t play with fire. I promise over time that by practicing acceptance, this feeling fades💜

@Readytorecover Thank you for this, I really appreciate you. OCD can be really isolating but it’s people like you in the community that help me to keep going when I’m struggling the most. I’m so proud of you for being able to overcome so much it’s really inspiring for me to hear. And you’re right I do miss the highs. And you’re also right about the grass not always being greener. I can see that I have a lot of work ahead of me, but if I can eventually achieve peace I’ll do what I must. This is such a confusing time in my life, but it helps when you put things into perspective. Thank you again.

@Formerlyanonymous You’re welcome, and thank you I’m happy to help. I kind of feel like I’m talking to my younger self in a way💕I agree it’s isolating af. I still get the thoughts now and then when life is a bit dull, but that’s normal, even for people without OCD. We just like to over complicate things in our head 😅

@Readytorecover May I ask, would you say you’re fully recovered? And if so, how did you accomplish that?

@Formerlyanonymous I wish! If I were recovered, I wouldn’t be here. BUT, I have made huge strides when it comes to what you’re dealing with. I think I also eventually got to the stage of life where everyone was getting married, I matured (this is not meant to be offensive!), and priorities changed. So it made the ROCD easier to push through. Again, I still have my days. I still like to be admired. I still love attention. That’s my personality. But I don’t overthink it now. You’ll get to that point. This thought will bore you eventually.

@Readytorecover This is very helpful! Once again I appreciate you.