[Deleted]
- Date posted
- 1y
SportySpiderSportySpider
- Date posted
- 1y
I'm not sure anything I say could shake that feeling of dread. In the past, it was something I had to gradually move past on my own. I guess I'll tell you what I wish I had known at your age. First, your life isn't being wasted. It hasn't even started yet. For a good amount of people, their lives don't really start until their 20s. That totally shouldn't even be a concern for you. If you were to dedicate the next 5 years just working on overcoming OCD, that wouldn't be a waste. You would still have an entire lifetime ahead of you. And secondly, I don't know what these mistakes are that you feel will haunt you forever, but I PROMISE you they are not as bad as you think. I cannot stress this enough. I spent so much of my life thinking I was a horrible person for dumb mistakes I made as a kid. But that's the thing; we were just kids. You have to understand it's just part of growing up. Can't be too hard on yourself. You've clearly learned from the past, and you still have so many future mistakes to learn from, but that's alright. We all do. It's part of being here dude. Don't feel guilty for it. This Christmas might not be the greatest for you, maybe not even the next, but I promise you one of them will be. And it'll be that much more special because of this. And just one last thing, you don't have to feel sad. You don't have to stop yourself from forgetting about it all. I don't know if you have this problem too, but I used to feel guilty for even enjoying myself. I'd forget about all my worries for a little bit, then I'd suddenly remember and feel like I had to go back to being sad. Like I deserved to be miserable constantly. I just hope you give yourself a break sometimes.
SportySpiderSportySpider
- Date posted
- 1y
@bxygenius I promise you no matter how bad those things might have been, you're alright. You were young and you still are. You learned from them and changed. That's a good thing, not a bad one. Like, a good person isn't good because they've never done terrible things, they're good because they've decided to do better. I'm sorry you aren't able to get professional help though. Just know that it's not a requirement for overcoming OCD. It helps a lot yeah, but I actually never got any in my journey to recovery. I don't know if things have changed in recent years, but my regular doctor prescribed me an antidepressant a couple years ago which helped me a lot. Didn't need a psychiatrist or anything. It wasn't some magical cure, but it did help me see things a bit clearer. It varies for everyone I guess but yeah. If you have a family doctor, might be worth asking them about it.
Isabel DavisIsabel Davis
- Date posted
- 1y
Have you send a physiatrist? Meds might help
VGHVGH
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
I'm so sorry you're struggling, please know you're not alone. There are many of us on here who also struggle. You deserve to get better, you deserve to live the life you want, no matter what. Recovery is a journey that takes time and practice, keep trying, you are worth it. When you are on the other side of this disorder, your journey will inspire others who are suffering. Take care!
HaiiHaii
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
Everyone has mistakes that haunt them forever. I have done messed up things that still haunt me til this day and I know other people who have messed up but they are still good people. I did something really messed up last year and I also felt like my life was wasted and honestly so many people feel the same after doing something they regret. Good people can do bad things and bad people can do good things.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 1y
Be patient time will give you perspective. We are all human and will make mistakes sometimes big ones. The important part is to acknowledge them which you have, learn from them, and to try to do a little better each time as life goes on. I have a hard time letting go of past mistakes and I sometimes fixate on them as well. It can really waste a lot of time which can make you feel even worse about it. There is a book called brain lock you might be able to find at your public library for free or close to it that could help with OCD.
Related posts
J🧸
- Date posted
- 24w
Rant ( any words would be appreciated )
I genuinely feel like the worlds most horrible person deeply for my past actions in childhood and general mistakes I’ve made. I feel like I shouldn’t be here or there’s no hope for me despite doing right ( trying to do right ) I’ve wanted to open up to my mom about things from my past but when I was talking to her about a situation that happened just to share, she was like “Thank God you’ve never done anything like that” But really my past mistakes are worst. It’s like I feel like I should disappear. I don’t know how to deal with the guilt and I feel horrible. I’ve made good and bad decisions but despite this being a long time ago ( which doesn’t erase my stupid actions ) I still keep bringing back into the present and I’m filled with guilt I genuinely think it would be better if I wasn’t here. I wake up think about my past things and I’m filled with guilt and shame that maybe I am a bad person and voices don’t stop, they keep telling me a lot of things that I start to believe. It makes me upset that I did something like that in my past and I try to be understanding but I can imagine the reactions of people and being condemned so much. I literally do this to myself every single day and it’s exhausting I don’t know how you guys can treat me with so much compassion and understanding. It really doesn’t feel real or like I deserve it. Like even on nocd, it makes me feel worst because I come across comments that say “as long as it’s not —-“ or something and I compare it to my past and I feel like a horrible unacceptable person.
izenap
- Date posted
- 16w
...
i feel depressed. i’m so tired of living with constant guilt, fear, and pain. i feel so lost and lifeless. i feel like i’m not living for myself anymore. i'm so done with my life. i really hate myself. it’s all my fault. everything that goes wrong and everything that keeps happening to me is all my fault. i feel sorry for the people who have me in their lives. they don’t deserve someone like me. this world doesn’t deserve a person like me. i can’t do this anymore. every night, i keep crying. i just don’t want to wake up the next morning, yet i keep waking up. for me, another day is another suffering. i hate myself so much. i don’t deserve anything good. i hate my really bad and dark thoughts, and i can’t tell whether they are truly mine or not. the guilt is eating me alive, and i feel hopeless and undeserving of forgiveness. my family doesn’t know about my struggles, and i don’t want them to. i don’t want to be a burden or make them feel like they failed as parents. i don’t want to make their lives any harder. i just hate my religious ocd. sometimes i think i’m just making it an excuse. i feel sorry for God and Jesus for being this kind of person. i wish i wasn’t born into this world. i can’t continue living like this. i feel like i’m going insane. i’m just accepting that i’m horrible, and that all those bad thoughts are mine. that i'm disrespectful and a terrible person. i'm not suicidal. i’m just so tired of living like this. i'm not expecting happiness or anything good because i don’t deserve any of it. i feel like a disgusting person. i hate that someone like me still has the courage to show up every day around other people. i deserve all the pain and to drown in it. i just want to vent about what i really feel right now because it feels so heavy and unbearable. i don’t want to make others’ lives miserable or hurt God anymore.
dilutecalico
- Date posted
- 15w
i don’t know what to do anymore
i haven’t talked to anyone about this, not my therapist, not my girlfriend, not my parents, but these days i find myself thinking about just ending it all. i wouldn’t actually do it, i’m too scared to, but sometimes it feels like that’s the only way out, the only solution. i feel so wrong, like everything about me is wrong, and i can’t find it in myself to believe i’m worth living. i need to know if it gets better. i’m 20 years old and have spent the vast majority of my teenage years in therapy. i can’t stop feeling like i need to confess everything, especially to my girlfriend. obviously i try to resist the urge to but the mental battles are exhausting. every time something is even slightly wrong, i feel like i can’t i breathe. whenever i’m trying to distract myself, whenever i’m busy, all i can think about is everything i’m doing wrong. how can i possibly live life to the fullest if this is how i am?
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